Begin Again
by oitnvause
Summary: 'When you have a connection with someone, it never really goes away'. A saying that has haunted both Piper and Alex for the past eight years. Perhaps a reunion in unfortunate circumstances will be the salvation they've both been searching for.
1. Making My Way Back To You

**Let's Begin Again**

**A/N: This is my first ever fic and the idea came to me whilst indulging in a playlist complete with Taylor Swift and Sam Smith. Enjoy. X**

**1.**

Morning runs had grown to be Pipers serenity; the quiet streets of New York City prior to the general hustle and bustle allowed her to gather her thoughts, clear her head or just allow her to think nothing at all. They provided her with a set routine that allowed her mornings to be set up thus preparing her for whatever the day had in store for her. Today proved to be no different; after silencing her 6:15am alarm she quietly arose from the bed she shared with fiancé Larry, careful not to wake him and continued to tip toe around the spacious room that made their bedroom. Having pulled on running shorts that acted as a second layer of skin they were so tight accompanied by a black vest top, Piper headed out.

Summer was coming to a close and the change in temperature was one Piper was yet to adjust to, the cool air nipped against her skin causing a sea of goose bumps to become prominent amongst her body. She didn't mind however, being able to witness the New York sunrise whilst the streets were basically deserted was an experience she cherished daily. Having moved into New York with Larry to escape the WASPy life style her demanding mother had in place for her, Piper could never get quite get her head around the ever present freedom New York had to offer; she was able to do as she pleased without Carol Chapman crying down her ear about how the early mornings were unnecessary when there was a gym around the corner; that women didn't seem to get the release running gave Piper, especially on the streets.

Her usual route lasted about an hour, but today she had decided to push herself thus it only took her 45 minutes making it roughly 7:10am when Piper arrived back in the apartment. This gave her enough time to shower before work; over the years Piper had floated from job to job. None had appealed to her enough for her to stick with, she was constantly looking for a feeling of euphoria or excitement and none of her positions seemed to satisfy that. She currently held a small job working for some big business man called Healy; she didn't mind him; once you got past the misogynistic personality, constant ignorance and occasional homophobic comment, he wasn't that bad. The pay was steady too.

Having just enough time to apply a thin layer of makeup and curl her hair so it rested loosely on her shoulders, Piper yelled a rushed 'goodbye, love you' to Larry before running for the Subway. She quickly sank into the rush that was NYC peak time; with headphones to accompany her usual journey to work, Piper decided the theme tune to today's journey would be RED by Taylor Swift. Various songs filled her ears; Begin Again, All Too Well; but it wasn't until one certain song came on did she feel her mood change. Treacherous had always been a song Piper would skip should it ever come on shuffle, it drew her mind back to memories she would rather forget; people she would rather forget. Memories of her former lover were ones that she couldn't escape lately, it was coming up to the anniversary of Diane Vause's death and it was a thought that filled Piper with a myriad of emotions; guilt, shame, regret, anger, sadness. The list seemed endless.

She wasn't left to dwell for too long as her stop soon approached and she once again embarked into the hustle and bustle of New York. The office is only about a 10 minute walk from the subway station, which Piper is today grateful for as a bulk of grey clouds envelope the city, waiting to put a literal dampener on everyone's day. Once through the grand welcoming doors, Piper headed straight to the staff room to get her usual morning fix of coffee and attempt to shake the bad mood that had suddenly engrossed her. She simply couldn't get Alex out of her mind lately. She found herself wondering how she was, where she was, was she still involved in the drug cartel? Had she moved on? All the uncertainty made Piper sick to her stomach.

_She still couldn't bring herself to fully regret her decision to leave Alex in Paris; whilst her timing was completely shit, she knew if she didn't leave then she wouldn't find the willpower again. Piper was known for her selfish tendencies and that night was no different; however she felt it could be justified. Their relationship had grown toxic; it was nothing like it used to be. The love, spark, passion and happiness appeared to have evaporated only to be replaced by constant anger, fear, and sadness. Not to mention desperation. Piper was only 23 when she decided to leave Alex; 23 and had already experienced more any 70 year old would in a life time. However that meant the bad side of things too; she'd seen mules be simply kicked out the business for being a few minutes late for a delivery, people being killed for attempting to leave the business. Not to mention the constant need for Alex to pick up mules; that was one thing she hated. Watching the woman who claimed to love her aimlessly flirt with college students in order to get them to do her dirty work; that was the worst part of her business._

The subtle buzz of the staffroom greeted Piper like a warm welcome; there was just enough going on for her to slip under the radar and drink her coffee in peace, or so she thought. 'Chapman your face looks like a smacked ass, what's eatin' ya?' the voice bellowed across the room was easily recognisable as Big Boo's. 'Great' Piper thought to herself. She really ought to go over and make her presence known but she simply wasn't in the mood. Reluctantly walking over, Piper tried to force a smile on her face; one believable enough for her co-workers to think she simply wasn't awake yet.

'What's eatin' ya then Chapman?' questioned Boo as Piper sat down next to the newbie Daya. 'Oh nothing, just little sleep and little energy; you know how it goes' Piper tried to subtly sigh her annoyance at the unwanted conversation away; she knew she was in for a long day. Much to her luck, Healy soon strode in to address all the lingering colleagues about the happenings of today. Her day was planned as she expected; a few stock meetings here and there, constant emails and spreadsheets that needed attending. Nothing too out of the ordinary. 'Perhaps a mundane day is just what I need' the blonde thought as she situated herself at her computer desk, ready to answer all the strongly worded emails about how Healy's business has ripped yet another person off.

* * *

Mornings had never been her forte; the thought of waking up before eleven made her head hurt. Alex Vause enjoyed the simple pleasures in life; waking up late enough to avoid the chaotic morning routine of NYC yet being able to stay up late enough to enjoy all the adventure it had to offer. This is how she'd lived for years; the past seven to be exact. The sound of the now pounding rain against her window was what eventually caused her to stir and awake from another dream consisting of her ex-lover. _She hated that she still couldn't bring herself to hate her for leaving her, let alone forget her._ 'Ugh' was the first thought that entered Alex's brain as she gathered a recollection of the events from the night before. The stench of alcohol and stale cigarette smoke hung thick around her bedroom, whilst a trail of beer cans and whiskey bottle littered the floor all the way through to her living room. Alex had decided to throw another one of her legendary parties last night out of sheer boredom; she was an established artist, she had money to burn, friends left right and centre, not to mention a home big enough to house three small families – they were legendary for a reason.

'Vause, get the fuck up and help me make a start on clearing this place up' cried Nicky from down the hall. Nicky had been Alex's best friend since she picked her up as a mule; they ended up connecting over lost lovers and a shared love for heroin and had been best friends ever since. 'I am not doing anything until you bring me a coffee you son of a bitch'. 'Fine, but this means you're cleaning the bathroom, I ain't going anywhere near that place!' Alex couldn't help but laugh; her and Nicky had been through quite a lot together but could still act like nothing had ever happened.

One cup of coffee, two packets of bacon and a whole lot of dry heaving later, Alex's home finally looked civilised again. Nothing major had been broken; she knew better than to leave masterpieces lying around – all her good artwork she'd go on to sell for thousands and thousands of dollars were kept in storage, far far away from the herds of drunken strangers that somehow always ended up in Alex's parties. She always appeared to be one step ahead of everyone else, and she liked it that way.

Alex and Nicky lazed around Alex's home for the majority of the day; too exhausted to do much else. Around 4pm Nicky's phone buzzed, she felt her heart twang at the sender;

**From: Red**

**Where are you? Staying out without any word of warning again? Two strikes Nicky; Russians don't play baseball.**

'Shit' was all Nicky could think. She was so thankful Red had taken her in when she needed somewhere to go and she was always careful not to get on her bad side, knowing she could quite easily dump her back to where she used to be.

**To: Red**

**Sorry, I stayed out at Alex's last night. Won't happen again.**

A few anxious minutes passed before Nicky's phone buzzed again;

**From: Red**

**You bet it won't. Just a little message knowing you're alive is all I ask Nicky. Enjoy.**

Nicky couldn't help but smile at that final text; Red had acted more of a mother to her than her biological mother, and as much as that hurt her, Nicky was just glad someone bothered about her existence.

8pm arrived and the pair of them were ravenous. 'Chinese?' Nicky asked with a knowing smirk. 'Chinese'. It had grown to be the pairs hangover tradition; spend all day lounging around watching reruns of Toddlers & Tiaras and Honey Boo Boo, then venture off to their favourite Chinese takeaway; Alex not being short of money meant their feasts were never anything close to disappointing. Tonight was no different; they ordered $50 worth of food between them before heading to a local liquor shop (because what better way to nurse an alcohol than with more alcohol, right?) and getting the biggest bottle of Jack Daniels they could fine. Equipped with dinner and beverages, they could head back to Alex's apartment to eat away their troubles. The rain continued to beat down across the roads as they walked, but neither of them cared; too engrossed in their current game of rating random girls they saw as they walked. Alex had a very specific taste whilst Nicky was eager to fuck anything with a pulse, and a vagina. 'Vause look there's a perfect 8!' Nicky eagerly exclaimed as she pointed to a girl hurriedly walking in an attempt to escape the rain. 'What?! No! Nicky, you really need to up your standards!' 'Vause, I do have standards, I'm just not ridiculously picky like _some_'. That snide comment make Alex smirk, she was kind of right. 'Seriously Vause, it's been what? Eight years? You really might want to think about not being so hung up over one girl and move the fuck on.' Nicky's approach of tough love really wasn't appreciated by Alex; she knew Piper was a sore subject. Her love life in general was a sore subject. Admittedly, she still wasn't able to move on from Piper. She'd had many flings but no one compared to Piper; kissing a random stranger just didn't feel right having felt her lips pressed to Pipers. She just couldn't bring herself to forgive and forget.

Once back in Alex's apartment, the pair scrambled to get the biggest servings of everything they'd ordered and dumped themselves in front of Alex's obnoxiously large living room TV; continuing to flick through the movie channels and see what they could engross themselves in, to no avail. 'Come on Vause, let's put a horror film on and scare ourselves shitless', 'Nicky, no. My house, my rules. No fucking horror films'. 'Pussy', to this comment Alex simply rolled her eyes. There was some truth behind it; the great Alex Vause, scared of horror films. It was quite pathetic really. Eventually, they settled on the third Harry Potter film and quietly fuelled their way through the mountain of Chinese food; never had the pair felt so content.

* * *

Today was not quite the mundane, easy day Piper had hoped for. Between screaming matches carried out by bickering colleagues, and all the bleak meetings she'd had to pretend to be interested in, not to mention the creepy guy with porn star moustache that attempted to hit on her at Starbucks; Piper Chapman was more than ready to go home. Having a lucky escape from the rain in the morning, the evening was quite the opposite; she was soaked through by the time she reached the Subway station. She was less then equipped with the mind frame to deal with the evening rush of New York; people all rushing around trying to go home to transition from their work lives to their home lives. Tonight she was one of those people more than ever. She just wanted her bed, a warm meal and for Larry to be willing to watch Mad Men with her.

She thankfully got all three. Having text Larry throughout the day with a running commentary of how seemingly awful her day was going, she arrived home to the scent of home cooked Lasagne, complete with a bottle of white wine and an eager Larry ready to relax after a busy day that is working for the New York Times. Walking into the kitchen meant Piper was greeted to her fiancé in that god awful pink apron with a women's body printed on the front of it; it was a house warming present from Piper's best friend Polly and her husband Pete. Piper still found the thing horrifically tacky however she'd never felt so happy to see the idiot wearing it. 'Hey Pipes, go change and this'll be ready in five. I'll bring it in, get the TV set up and we can watch Mad Men'. That sentence was music to Pipers ears. She was thankful for Larry, she really was. He was safe and he was sensible. He was everything Carol Chapman had ever wanted for her daughter, and with the arrival of Polly and Pete's son Finn, baby talk was hot amongst Piper, Polly and Carol. Piper however still wasn't sure if she was ready for the commitment a child brought, she'd much rather a dog, but that was a conversation for when she had the energy to form a coherent sentence.

Having changed into fleecy pyjamas bottoms and a loose t shirt complete with her face bare of makeup and her hair tied in a messy bun, Piper was more than ready to put today behind her. Larry soon came in with a tray complete with two plates of Lasagne and two glasses of wine. 'Cheer up Pipes, we can forget all about today and focus on tonight.' Piper smiled at this, whilst she understood the hidden meaning behind Larry's words, she was too preoccupied with the meal that was sitting in front of her.

Two hours had passed and the couple were full, and fully caught up with Madmen. She knew what was coming next but she was simply too content with the gentle buzz from the wine and the full feeling in her stomach to even think about sleeping with Larry tonight. 'Lar, I just need to go to bed. Thanks for tonight, I really do appreciate it and I'm lucky to have you, I love you' Piper said with a gentle kiss on his lips. She knew he was probably disappointed but she really didn't care.

_She hated the way she still compared Larry to Alex. They'd been together for six years and still she yearned for Alex on her lips rather than him. She wanted to wake up and for Alex to be her big spoon, not Larry. Sure, she was happy with him; she loved him. Alas she wasn't __**in**__ love with him. Not like she had been with Alex. Tomorrow was the anniversary of Diane's death and she wanted nothing more than to be Alex. She wanted to know she was okay, or that she was coping at least. She just wanted to be able to hold her ex-lover when she needed it most. She needed to make up for leaving when she did. She needed Alex._

The gentle and steady breathes coming from Larry indicated to Piper he'd fallen asleep; something she'd love to do more than anything now but her mind simply couldn't switch off. She couldn't stop thinking about that night that occurred eight years ago; eight years ago when the clock struck midnight since Piper had made one of the worst decisions of her life. She just wished there was some way she could see Alex, or even speak to her. Just let her know she was sorry, and she was there if Alex needed her at all. Piper tossed and turned that night, knowing sleep would only equate to nightmares of her and the girl that once meant everything to her.

* * *

4am and Alex still couldn't sleep, she couldn't do anything. Her and Nicky had gone through the entire bottle of Jacks and whilst she was passed out on the sofa, Alex couldn't switch her mind off. She needed to cry, throw things, scream; anything to stop today from happening. It had been eight years since her mum had died so unexpectedly and since Piper had left her. It wasn't fair, she thought, that the two women who meant everything to her had left her on the same day. She didn't know what to do or how to deal with the emotions that were currently surging through her.

Times like these she wishes she was still involved in the cartel, still involved with heroin. Boy what she would give to be able to shoot up one more time; she missed the bliss heroin brought. The way it managed to fog over everything she thought or felt. Right now she felt vulnerable and broken; weak. Alex hated feeling weak, her mother had raised her to be strong, independent. She had been like that for the majority of her life; but today she simply didn't have the will to fight, she needed time to allow her wounds to bleed. She sat in the living room flicking through the various teleshopping channels that were playing on a loop, the tick tock of the clock seemed to be engrained into her mind; it was all she could focus on. She couldn't help but notice how slow today was going. How slow today _was _going to go.

_Fuck, I miss you Pipes. I miss you so much right now. I miss my mom. I miss her more than I can put into words. My chest is hurting so much; I feel empty and I feel everything all at once. How can I make this stop? I just want to ring my mom up and moan to her about how lonely I feel. I can't even do that. _

Alex was certain she'd never felt loneliness quite like she was now; she didn't knew how to handle it. She rummaged through her liquor cabinet and found a half empty bottle of vodka. 'Close enough' she thought to herself as she wrote a note to Nicky for when she finally regained consciousness '_Today's the day. I need to be alone. Phone if it's urgent. X'_ before heading out the door. She didn't know where she was going but she'd managed to kill an hour and decided she may as well see the vulnerable side of New York City; this was her playground and she might as well see it for what it's worth. She'd missed experiencing how it felt to roam New York when she was more or less the only soul awake at this ungodly hour. She didn't know where she was headed, but she knew she just needed to walk.

* * *

It was half 5 in the morning before Piper eventually gave up trying to achieve the broken sleep she'd been sifting in and out of for the past 6 hours. She may as well take her morning run early, she thought to herself. Pulling on the familiar running attire and grabbing her headphones, she left a note for Larry and headed out. '_Couldn't sleep. Gone for a run. Love you. X'_

With the bass pumping consistently through her earphones, Piper was willing herself to run as fast as she could. She felt terrible. Her thoughts were terrible. All she could think about was Alex's face when Piper was so hurriedly trying to leave. The thought of Alex pleading with her to stay in their hotel in Paris was burnt into Piper's memory like a nightmare. It was replaying over and over. All she wanted was to know how Alex was.

* * *

By the time Alex had made her way downtown, she was very much feeling the effects of all the alcohol she'd consumed. She was struggling to keep a straight vision let alone stand. She knew where she was going though. She was headed for Litchfield cemetery. She needed to sit with her mom for a few hours and pour her heart out to her. If she couldn't physically sit and have a conversation with her, this would have to do.

The half an hour walked ended up taking an hour in Alex's state. It took her a while to locate exactly where Diane's grave was; but then she remembered. Under the great oak tree. Diane had always had a significant tree in Central Park she would go to sit under and read when the weight of the world became too much for her, so Alex thought it only fitting to try and replicate that spot for her headstone. She fell down rather than sat down. Her emotions hit her like a continuous tidal wave. Suddenly she didn't have the strength to keep her tears back; she began to sob. Sob for her mother, for herself, for Piper. _Why do my thoughts always lead back to that god awful woman? She doesn't deserve the energy it takes to cry over her. Why isn't she here? Why did she have to leave? _Alex knew the likelihood of getting those answers was slim, and perhaps that's what crushed her most. She could vaguely guess the reasoning's for Piper's departure all those years ago, it wasn't hard to know Alex was hardly girlfriend of the century, yet she was still angry. Angry that Piper didn't just continue to fight. She knew she was being selfish but right now she really didn't care.

'Hey mom.' Alex began. She'd come this far. She was already emotionally exhausted. She may as well get it off her chest. 'I miss you, I miss you so much. I wish that I could just call you and tell you about everything that's bothering me; eight years later and I still haven't adjusted to the fact I can't do that. I just want to be able to call round with a bottle of wine and for us to laugh at our sorry selves.' Alex continued to pour her heart out to the inanimate headstone, knowing she wouldn't get an answer didn't hurt as much as she'd expected. It felt good to simply get it out of her system.

* * *

Piper took a detour; she needed to change her route up. She passed rows of shops that were yet to come to life that day. She passed various newspaper stands yet to receive the papers her fiancé had helped to construct. She passed many buildings; few with lights on. Piper sat down on a nearby bench to try and catch her breath. She didn't realise quite how hard she'd been pushing herself until she could feel her calf muscles cramping and her heart pounding.

She looked up at the building presented in front of her; of the hundreds of rooms she could see, about 10 had lights on. She wondered what was happening in those ten rooms for them to be awake at this time. Perhaps people were in the same position she was; unable to sleep under the weight of their mistakes. Perhaps people were doing exactly what she wished she could be doing right now; making love to the ones they care most for. Who knows.

After catching her breath, Piper got up and started walking at a brisk pace, feeling too delicate to embark on another sprint course right now. She didn't really know the area she'd wandered down, but she continued to walk. Soon enough she stumbled on a set of iron gates with the words 'Litchfield Cemetery' spelt out above them. She knew that cemetery for a reason. Then it clicked; Diane was buried in there. She remembered reading in the newspaper her service would be held here and headstone laid out here. She went in, in the hopes of finding exactly where that headstone was.

_Piper had always loved Alex's mother. When Alex was engrossed in her work or simply too much to handle, Piper would call Diane just for a bit of normal conversation. They would talk about the latest movies or literature, or Diane would share embarrassing stories from Alex's childhood. She'd been an amazing friend to Piper, and she regretted not attending the funeral; however she knew that day would be tough enough for Alex without her presence._

Piper wandered for what felt like ages, she didn't like being in such a grim place whilst it was barely daylight. 'Yep, I've watched too many horror movies' she thought to herself. After searching for half an hour with no luck, Piper was headed out until she saw a grand oak tree in the distance. She knew Diane always sat beneath her beloved tree in Central Park when she needed a break and as to honour tradition, Piper headed over there to do the same, as her way of paying her respects.

It took her about 10 minutes to even come close to nearing the tree, that was when she caught a glimpse of someone up ahead. She felt it fitting to turn away and allow them time with whomever they were paying their respects to, but instincts willed her to continue ahead. The closer she got, the louder the person ahead cries became. Piper felt her heart freeze. She knew those cries; she knew that person. She didn't know what to do, she'd waited years to be reunited with her ex-lover, the women who meant everything to her, but not like this. She wanted their reunion to be somewhat romantic, cliché if you will. Not like this. It didn't stop Piper continuing forward.

By now, Alex could barely breathe from crying. Everything was coming down on her hard; she just wanted her mum to tell her it would be okay. She couldn't even have that anymore. She wanted to scream and cry aloud at how much she hated everything in the world right now. Her mum was a good woman, an amazing woman in fact. She didn't deserve to go the way she did. Life had a funny way of fucking the people who didn't deserve it over, she thought.

She knew she should try and head home but she was drunk and distraught. She needed to allow herself burn out. Only as she attempted to compose herself a little did she catch the outline of a figure of someone coming towards her. She ignored it. She figured it would just be Nicky, she knew what today was and it wasn't hard to figure out where Alex was going. She allowed herself to continue to sob and mourn for her mother. She thought time was meant to heal woes, not make them harder to bear.

Piper's heart was in her mouth. She continued to edge closer to the woman she now recognised to be Alex. She didn't know how this would end, or how she would react; she just knew Alex needed someone and she was finally there to be that person.

She finally stood about a meter away from Alex and remained silent. She didn't want to be the one to initiate conversation; she needed to know whether Alex would feel comfortable with her presence. Alex however, was a little preoccupied. She was clearly drunk and Piper was angry at her; angry at how shitty she was at dealing with these kinds of situations, but she pitied her. She needed someone. She needed Piper and right now Piper needed Alex.

Tired of being chicken, Piper sat down next to Alex; saying nothing she pulled her into an embrace. This is what she should have done eight years ago, she quietly thought to herself.

**A/N: I hope you liked it! Please leave reviews and comments to let me know if I should continue this or not. X**


	2. Bittersweet Realities

**A/N: I'm honestly so overwhelmed at the response the first chapter got! Thank you to everyone who reviewed that chapter – it really does help motivate me to write. There's quite a bit of typical Vauseman angst in this chapter so I hope you all enjoy! X**

**2.**

Alex could recognise that scent from a mile off; that sweet almost sickly vanilla that she tried too hard to eradicate eight years ago. It was the type of smell that clung to garments of clothing no matter how many times you washed them. It was Piper Chapman's scent.

'Al baby, it's fine, I'm here.' Piper whispered into her ear in an attempt to calm her down. Alex didn't know what to do – as if she didn't feel vulnerable enough. Her head was a mess of emotions; she wanted to pull Piper in there and then and make up for all the lost years whilst another part of her was screaming to push her away and remind Piper how she broke her fucking heart. Alex soon figured out what she wanted; she knew Piper and her seeming ability to get right inside Alex's head. She couldn't do that again; she couldn't risk losing everything and go crashing back down into oblivion. She worked too hard to crawl out of the Piper Chapman shaped black hole that had suffocated her for years.

'Piper get the fuck away from me'. The realisation of her return was enough to make Alex quickly begin sober up. _There they fucking are; those god damn fucking Bambi eyes. _'You don't get to fucking do this, okay?' Piper got up and retreated slowly away from Alex; she didn't know how she expected Alex to react but perhaps she thought there would be a little bit of happiness or compassion. She evidently got her hopes up far too much. 'Alex, please calm down. Neither of us need this right now.' _God I fucking hate that tinge of innocence her voice carries when she gets like this. _'Piper, I don't know if you've _fucking_ noticed, but it's the anniversary of my moms death' Alex spat. She was angry. She deserved to be angry. 'You _do not_ get to come here and try to play whatever game it is you've had stashed away for the past eight years. You _do not_ get to comfort me. You **_certainly_**_ do not_get to tell me to calm down and tell me what you _think_ it is I need.' She could feel her face turn a shade of blood red. Alex just wanted to mourn the death of her mother in peace.

* * *

_This wasn't how it was meant to happen._ She didn't know what to do. Should she just turn away and leave now? No. Piper running away when shit got tough was what had landed the pair in this mess to begin with. 'Alex, I'm sorry. Not now though – please just let me take care of you'. She knew she was pleading, she knew how irritable she sounded and worst of all she knew they were just words. Words that would go in one ear and out the other. 'Listen to me, I know how hard today is for you. Please, just let me be there for you. I know my timing was horrific and I've regretted it every single day since. I shouldn't have left you, I should have gone back to the states with you and helped you organise things, but I can't change the past no matter how much I wish I could. Please just let me do what I can now.' Piper may as well be down on her knees with her hands grasped together. Her voice was laced with tears but she knew she had to keep it together.

* * *

An awkward silence fell over the pair for a few moments; neither knowing what to say. This was strange; they'd always seemed to fill in the gaps as they went along. It was Alex who eventually broke the silence – 'you just don't get it, do you Pipes?' _There it was; that nickname Alex had branded her with all that time ago. It wasn't as though Piper wasn't used to hearing it; Larry had grown accustomed to calling her it – thinking it was one cute things all couples should have. It was the person saying it that mattered – the way it rolled so effortlessly off Alex's tongue was what made Piper weak at the knees. She could feel herself becoming lost in Alex once again. It was as though that woman was Piper's personal magnet, with her very own magnetic pull she never did manage to escape. _'You left me. You fucking left me. When my fucking mom died. Who the fuck even does that?' Alex could feel her temper rising with every word she spat in Piper's direction. 'You couldn't do it could you? You couldn't fucking step out of your self-absorbed mind frame for _one fucking second_ and realise that maybe, just _maybe_ I fucking needed you' Alex knew she probably sounded harsh, but with a combination of both anger and adrenaline surging through her mixed with the lingering alcohol she had consumed, a filter on her speech was the last thing she was thinking about. She wanted Piper to know how much she hurt her and it appeared the little liquid confidence she had left would help her do just that.

* * *

Piper felt frozen. She was frozen to the very spot she had wanted to come and momentarily relax at. She couldn't think about anything apart from the look in Alex's eyes; a mixture of hurt, anger and vulnerability bored itself into Piper's brain. It was like time had taken them back to that night in the hotel and Piper had told Alex she was leaving all over again. She didn't know what to do or say; if there was any _point_ in trying to defend herself. She knew Alex and she knew when to pick her battles. It appeared Alex had eight years' worth of emotions purging their way out of her mouth. _Piper realised she deserved everything that was being hurled at her; she knew how much she'd hurt Alex when she decided to leave. She just wished she could find it in her to halt Alex's poisonous speech and explain herself, but she knew Alex needed to burn herself out. _

Alex finally stopped speaking; both of them had tears trickling down their faces and Piper exhaled a breath she didn't realise she'd been holding. Fearful of allowing another blanket of awkward silence to wash over them, Piper took a minute step forward and looked Alex straight in the eyes, 'Al, I'm sorry.' Was all she could manage. She couldn't seem to get her breath. Snippets of Alex's speech were whirling around her head. All she could think was how much she needed Alex in that moment; it scared her. It scared her how she'd drop Larry in a heartbeat if it meant spending the rest of her life with Alex. 'You're sorry? Is that it?' Alex was being petty now and she knew it, that didn't stop her though. 'Just listen to me for one second, please' Piper sat down in an attempt to sort her thoughts out and figure out what she could say to make things better, Alex soon followed. 'Alex Vause, I have thought about that night every day for the past eight years. Every time I think about it, I feel sick to my stomach. I will never be able to find the words that express completely just how sorry I am. Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life, one that I will forever feel the consequences of.' Piper could feel her heart pound against her chest – terrified of saying the wrong thing. 'I miss you every day; you cross my thoughts constantly. You're this fucking nag that constantly just resides at the back of mind Alex and I fucking _hate_ it' _Piper knew she was rambling, but it was better than leaving silence to fill the gaps_. Suddenly, something happened neither of them expected.

* * *

Nicky Nichols was known for her remarkably shit alcohol tolerance. Heroin was more her forte. She awoke with what felt like a sledgehammer constantly pounding down against her brain. Once she gathered her bearings as to where she was, she quickly ran to the bathroom; '_Ah shit, Chinese is never as nice coming back up as it is going down' _she thought to herself as she brushed her teeth. Having vomited the remainder of the Jack Daniels left in her stomach, she wandered around Alex's mighty home expecting her to have fallen asleep in one of the many miniature libraries that made up around 50% of her home. It wasn't until she went into the kitchen in search for hangover food did she stumble across the note. '_Today's the day. I need to be alone. Phone if it's urgent. X'_ Nicky's heart sunk. She admittedly had completely forgotten what today was and she felt horrible for it. Faced with a dilemma, she decided to check her phone to see if Alex had drunkenly messaged her for some support; much to her relief, she hadn't.

Unable to cope with the seriousness of issues such as death anniversaries, Nicky felt ultimately useless. She was torn as to whether to wait around for her best friend to return or leave her to have her space. She eventually decided on the latter; having found a change of clothes from the piles of her belongings that always managed to surface in various locations of Alex's home, Nicky attempted to clean away the mess from the night before and dropped Alex a text whilst heading out.

**To: Alex**

**Yo Vause, I only just regained consciousness and saw your note. I'm sorry about your mom, but hell she would have been so proud of you. Figured you'd want some space so I'm gonna head back up to Red's. If you need some company just text me, or maybe I could find you a nice girl to occupy your bed on this sad day ;) Nicky xo**

Light hearted humour was the only was Nicky knew how to deal with things like this. It probably wasn't appreciated in the moment but looking back, it had managed to diffuse a situation or two. She embarked on the twenty minute walk that was getting back to Red's house. She still sometimes became momentarily overwhelmed at Red's generosity; she took Nicky in when the rest of the world was ready to see her dead. To society she was just another scum bag junkie, but Red didn't view her that way. Red knew she was worth saving – just a kid with a bad home life, she's seen plenty of them. Red stopped Nicky from going over the edge, and Nicky doubted she would ever be able to repay her for that.

* * *

Both sat shivering. It was nearing 6:30 on a Saturday morning. Both women were emotionally and physically exhausted. They were tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of constantly being at each other's throats. That was when it happened. Neither of them knew nor cared who initiated it – too focused on the fact that their lips were once again meeting. It was like no time had passed. Both had missed the way the other felt on their lips. They slipped back into the Alex and Piper that had been so disgustingly and passionately in love. Hands traced features and tongues begged for dominance. It was almost as though the past eight years had never happened.

It was Piper who eventually broke it off. 'Al' her voice cracked under the weight of her emotions, 'Al stop, we can't do this.' Just like that, that venomous tinge returned to Alex's eyes. _She should have fucking seen this coming. Piper Chapman never fails to fucking mess with people's feelings. _'What do you mean 'we can't do this'?' Alex snapped back. 'Al, I have a fiancé. I can't do this. Not to him. It's not fair.' That was enough to make Alex see red; 'Okay, so let me get this straight _Piper_' _any hint of calmness had disappeared, Alex couldn't handle any more of the shit storm Piper never failed to kick up. _'You can quite fucking happily waltz out of my life when my mom died, when I fucking _needed you'_ admitting that made a fresh set of tears threaten to fall, but Alex knew this was no time for tears. She had to be stern. She got up, pulled her shoulders back as though to make herself seem taller and broader than she already did. Piper could see the tears glistening in her eyes against the peeking sunlight. 'You think it's okay to just get up and go when it suits you, _then_ you think you can just reappear and fix everything with a quick kiss and make up? Yet it is _so _against your fucking morals to quite possibly cheat on a guy I bet you don't even fucking love. What the _fuck _is wrong with you? What do I have to do in order to be fucking good enough for you, just once?' Alex was done playing fair. She fucking hated Piper's guts, but at the same time she was still so deeply in love with her – and that's what hurt the most.

* * *

It was as though Alex could see straight through her; she still remained a completely open book for Alex to flick through whenever she desired. _Just walk away now Piper, walk away whilst you've still got some sanity to cling on to. You've survived eight years without her, you can carry on. Think of Larry. Think of Carol. Think of Polly – imagine Polly whispering to get the fuck away from 'supercunt'. _ No amount of internal arguing with herself gave Piper the guts to get up and go. She knew she'd run for too long and this was something she now had to face. She arose from her spot to level herself with Alex; Piper may be of a smaller build but that didn't stop her. If Alex wanted to bark, Piper could certainly bite.

'Can you just stop for _one fucking second_?' Piper was tired of Alex. She knew she had every right to be angry but that didn't mean Piper had to sit and take it. 'I loved you with every ounce of my existence, and I left because it felt like you couldn't give a fucking shit about me. I felt like one of the thousands of mules you'd pick up. Do you remember that Al? Because if we're bringing up mistakes then it's on. Do you remember all those nights you'd leave me alone in foreign countries whilst you went and aimlessly flirted with as many girls as you could in order for them to do your dirty work? I never did tell you how many nights I'd sit and cry out of fear that you'd find one of those _teenagers_ more appealing than me; you left me in a constant state of fear Alex. So yes I may be a fucking narcissist with fucked up morals and shit reaction speeds but you are no fucking angel.' Piper was seething by this point. She was over playing the nice girl Carol Chapman had prided herself on raising. She hadn't expected her and Alex to simply run off into the distance after a little cry about how fucked they both were, but she also certainly hadn't expected Alex to be so vile. Piper got that she was hurting, but there was a line and Alex had a seemingly increasing habit of crossing it.

* * *

The two went back and forth arguing for what felt like hours; they didn't understand how they still had shots left to fire. Piper glanced at her watch that read 7:00am. She knew she should be heading back to her apartment; she was still a while away and she didn't want Larry to worry that she'd become hurt and not make it back. But she also didn't want to leave Alex, not again.

'You're thinking about him, aren't you?' Piper soon snapped out of her thoughts. 'What?' 'Your fiancé, you're thinking about him right now, aren't you?' Piper was growing tired of this. She was sure Alex hadn't held back moving on when they'd split up; Piper spent half their relationship becoming jealous at the amount of women that were practically drooling over the sight of her love. 'Would it matter if I was?' Piper retorted. 'Hell yes it would Pipes, you're sat with me, _the_ Alex Vause' to this Piper couldn't help but smile, 'and you're thinking about some guy lying in bed snoring his life away.' Piper felt the need to defend Larry, 'Okay first it is 7am, he has every right to be snoring his life away. Second, he doesn't snore. Third, it doesn't matter who or what I'm thinking about Al. We're nothing. That's all we ever are; all or nothing. There's never a fucking middle man with us and I'm sick of it.'

They both eventually stopped fighting the tears that were constantly threatening to fall. Piper had had enough, she was tired and her muscles were cramping. She didn't know what to do; she knew staying here with Alex was going to continue to worsen the situation but leaving would only prove to her that all Piper was good for was running away when things got tough, yet she didn't have the patience to sit and listen to all the remarks Alex had left to throw.

She knew she had to make a decision, and fast.

Piper slowly got up; something in her was willing her to leave. She knew this would probably for the best. She wiped her tears away, took one last glance at Alex and began to walk. 'Don't you fucking leave me Pipes' was all she heard as she slowly approached the gates of the cemetery.

**A/N: What will Piper do?! ;-) I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. I'm going away to Leeds Festival tomorrow so I probably won't update until Tuesday. Please leave reviews if you're feeling generous. X**


	3. Half A Heart Without You

**A/N: Sorry how long this update took! It took me a while to write this and I'm not entirely happy with how it turned out, but it's better than nothing I suppose!**

**3.**

Those words were enough to make her heart shatter. Amongst all the angst, Piper almost forgot how vulnerable Alex could allow herself to be. She felt as though she'd been hauled back into that god damn hotel room faced with the decision of staying with the women who was both her muse and her worst nightmare. Piper once again felt frozen to her spot. _How did this happen? She only wanted to pay her respects to a friend she missed dearly. Never did she plan on finding the woman who once meant everything to her in a heap of melancholy and alcohol besides her mother's grave. It was almost as though whoever was up there was still forcing bad karma on her, 8 years later. _

Torn on what to do, Piper slowly retraced her steps back to where Alex was lying, crumpled and face covered as though she was tired of being vulnerable. 'Pipes please, I'm begging you. I've lost you once and I can't lose you again' Alex pleaded, voice thick with pent up emotions. Piper knew she faced the biggest decision of her life; if she walked away now that would be it. It truly would be over, even if her and Alex were to meet for a third time under some freak circumstances (although hopefully they'd revolve a little less around death) she knew Alex would continue to look straight through her, as though she was just another stranger _or_ she could stay. She could stop being so self-involved, she could stop thinking solely about herself and she could finally give in to the vast amount of love she felt towards Alex.

_But loving Alex meant losing Larry. Losing Larry meant losing safety, not to mention the fact Carol Chapman would probably drop dead out of the sheer shock of Piper throwing away the ideal WASPy lifestyle. She'd have Alex though – surely that was all that mattered? Piper wasn't sure she had the guts to go back to freefalling through life with Alex. She knew nothing about her – was she still involved in the cartel? Was she situated in New York or was she still packing up and leaving to venture into new cities every few months? There were so many unanswered questions and Piper wasn't sure she could stick around to find out anymore. _

Time felt like it had stood still – the sun was starting to crack its flag over the pair and whilst the rest of the city would begin to stir and arise for another day, the duo stayed glued to their spots. The Piper/Alex bubble had returned and once again both women felt as though nothing mattered in those moments apart from each other. 'Say something, please' _Alex had never felt so desperate to hear her loves voice before._ 'What is there left to say? Everything we do is wrong Al; we're constantly stuck in this fucking cycle and no matter how hard we try it never seems to work out.' _The distinct tone that was Piper giving up broke Alex's heart, as if there were pieces left to shatter. _'You think I don't know that?! Piper I've had to fucking live with my mistakes for the past eight fucking years, I've spent the past 2921 days reliving all my mistakes wishing with everything in me that I could take them back. Do you not realise how much I hate myself for messing us up?! I _know_ my work got in the way of us, and I _know_ I didn't treat you how you deserved, but I've paid the consequences for my actions' _Alex was done fighting, she might as well let herself crumble. It wasn't as though she had anything left to lose._ Piper was taken aback; she'd never seen Alex so defeated. She wasn't used to being the stern one, or the one with fight left in her. Her heart broke. She didn't know what to do. She just knew Alex needed someone right now and she was finally going to step up and be that person.

* * *

Larry awoke slightly disappointed to find himself in an empty bed. His initial thought was maybe Piper had gone to the bathroom but it wasn't until he found her scrawled note did worry set it. _It's not like Piper to just get up and go. _He knew something was bothering her, but also knew when she needed alone time. He quickly found his phone and pondered on what to say; he had no idea something was even bothering Piper.

**To: Pipes**

**Hey baby, everything ok? Waking up to an empty bed isn't nice ****L**** just text me so I know you're okay. X**

Unamused at how his morning had turned out, Larry opted to returning back to bed and feeling sorry for himself for allowing himself to miss that something other than the bad day at the office yesterday had been bothering Piper.

* * *

Another blanket of silence had fallen over the duo, this time it wasn't as angst ridden nor was it as awkward. Whilst neither of them knew what to do, that suddenly seemed okay. They both sat in silence, hugging their knees simply staring at Diane's headstone whilst edging closer to each other. _They had an excuse though, it wasn't the warmest morning New York had offered them. _It was the buzz of Piper's phone that awoken them from their trance like states. Piper couldn't help but groan when she saw the sender ID. 'Trouble in paradise?' Alex sniggered, to which Piper playfully nudged her shoulder. 'No, just a worried fiancé disappointed to be waking up to an empty bed' Alex couldn't help but roll her eyes, 'oh right, well don't let me keep you away from whatever his name is'. 'Larry, Alex. His name is Larry'. 'Amazing' _like I fucking care_. Piper could sense Alex was still a little drunk and growing irritable again, being too tired to generate another argument, Piper decided to let that one slide. _She knew they couldn't stay here all day as much as Piper wanted to; she was cold and Alex wasn't sober. She needed to be in the comforts of her home, or her hotel room - wherever she decided to call home. _

**To: Larry**

**Hi, sorry I'm still not back. I just need a day to myself I think. I'll text you in a bit, don't worry I'm fine. Today is just one of those days. X**

After reassuring a worried fiancé, Piper decided to switch her phone onto airplane mode and focus solely on Alex. She did after all have eight years' worth of lost love to make up on. _Did she mean that in the most simple, platonic way possible or was Piper hungry for more? She couldn't find an answer for that and it worried her. She'd worked so hard to rid every trace of Alex from her life whilst attempting to fix herself and settle down for the quiet life she knew was best for her, yet here she was willing to lose it all for a woman who'd been back in her life for approximately 2 hours. _'Come on Al, it's fucking freezing and I'm sure you've spent more than enough time staring at that headstone'. Piper didn't really know what would happen from here on, she just knew that it was either about to make or break her.

* * *

They both attempted to stumble back to Alex's house; Alex swaying slight from the alcohol that was currently pumping around her whilst Piper limped from the ache that resided in her legs, _she really had overdone herself in a moment of rage. _When the pair arrived back at the luxurious building that was Alex Vause's home, Piper could hardly say she was surprised. 'Some things never really do change, do they?' 'I've grown accustomed to a life of luxury Pipes, what can I say?'

Alex fumbled around for a few minutes trying to put her key in the hole until Piper eventually opted to assist her. _Their hands touching elicited that spark both of them had missed. It appeared to be a spark that never went away. _The pair both slightly blushed upon stepping into the grand hall that welcomed them. 'Missed that, huh kid?' They both knew what Alex was talking about.

Alex began to stroll into what Piper assumed was the kitchen, and considering Piper didn't know this mini world Alex had created, she followed her. _Its funny_ Piper thought to herself, _no matter the situation, I always end up following her, even if it's into the kitchen for some coffee. God damn you Alex Vause._

'Hey kid, do you still take morning coffee? I feel it's time for me to sober up'

'Sure do. Maybe that's for the best'

'Aw there she is; the WASPy, mothering Piper Chapman I once knew and loved' _ouch, whether that was meant as a joke or not; that one hurt Piper. The thought of Alex speaking of their love in past tense cut through her. It was like Piper had momentarily forgotten that she would soon be going home to a fiancé and a normal life, no doubt heartbroken at the events that were about to unfold. She hated how much Alex made her come undone. Hated it with every fibre of her existence. _

'You can sit, you know Pipes' Piper suddenly snapped out of a daydream she didn't realise she'd sunk into. She looked around at her surroundings; the kitchen consisted of simple laminate floor complete with undoubtly the most expensive worktops, cupboards and shelves Alex could find. 'Looks like being an international drug importer is still working out well for you'. Alex let out a little smirk Piper's snide comment, accompanied with an eyebrow raise that she knew Piper was always a sucker for. 'Actually, I'm no longer involved in the cartel smarty pants' 'wait…what?!' _Piper genuinely couldn't believe what she was hearing; whilst she was never directly involved with the business she knew that once you were in, there was only one way out. _'Yeah, it happened about five years ago. Kubra got a little too big for his boots and pissed off the wrong people. Some rival cartel eventually found him and killed him. Single bullet to the head in case you were wondering. The higher up ones in the business, aka me, decided this was exactly what we needed; we let the business crumble whilst splitting profits evenly. It all worked out for the best, the cops went off the trail after finding out they'd been beaten to their main goal of capturing Kubra. From there I simply travelled for a bit with a mule who ended up becoming my most treasured friend today. She's the one who left that note you're sitting by, by the way.' Alex paused, allowing Piper to reach over and skim the note. She registered the swirly writing and could barely decipher the words, but she wasn't really interested. 'Anyway' Alex continued, 'from there we just jumped from country to country for a while before returning to the playground that is New York City. We lost contact for a while, whilst I was investing and selling, not to mention _thriving_ in the art industry, Nicky went back to the streets after leaving home and became a second time junkie. Some woman who goes by 'Red' took her in and got her clean though, so it all worked out for the best really.' Piper sat there in silence, attempting to take in all the information that had just been thrown at her. Alex told her of leaving the cartel as though it was no big deal. _The one thing that had torn the two apart eventually crumbled and Piper couldn't be fucking happier about that. She was glad Alex had finally pursued one of her many talents; whilst travelling together, Alex would always be doodling on flights or during long haul car journeys to kill time. She'd draw anything that came to mind and her work never failed to amaze Piper. As for befriending one of her mules, that one genuinely did surprise Piper; usually Alex would give them the come to bed eyes right up until they did her dirty work then she'd drop them as though they'd never met. Jealousy suddenly washed over her; what if this mule had been Alex's rebound? Why did Piper care? For fucks sake, she was falling Alex Vause all over again and she had never felt so terrified. _'Uh kid, you alright? You look like you've just seen a ghost.' _Probably because she has – she _**_is_**_ seeing a ghost .The biggest ghost that has haunted her memory for the past eight years. _'Uh yeah, just a lot to take in as all', 'that's understandable.' _God I've missed how flustered she gets._

'So Piper Chapman, are you going to fill in the blanks or am I going to have to guess for myself?' _Alex was trying so hard to reconcile what they'd lost. She'd lost the girl who meant the world once and she didn't think she could handle losing her again. She hated how much she loved Piper, how much she needed her. She'd been back in her life approaching four hours and she'd already fallen for Piper a thousand times over. Fuck. They were well and truly fucked. _'Well, I met Larry about six years ago. I stumbled into Polly's apartment – you remember her right?' 'Funny, I thought she was called Holly' _Alex simply couldn't let that one go_. 'Oh shut up.' Piper smirked, she knew how Alex's purposeful slip of the tongue when addressing Polly never failed to make her see red. 'Anyway, I stumbled into her apartment one night on the way to a concert. I told a homeless kid he shouldn't have a dog if he couldn't look after it and that the dog was protecting no one, it then proceeded to bite me' Piper looked down to her thigh where the scar from that night remained. 'Jesus Pipes, nice to know you never did lose your foot in mouth disease'. 'Oh stop it, what I was saying was true! Anyway, Larry was house sitting for them and offered to help clean me up and buy me Chinese, we hit it off immediately afterwards' 'Yep, that's my girl. Always thinking with her stomach' _Piper felt her knees go weak at Alex calling her 'my girl'. Something about the way Alex always claimed ownership over Piper always made her weak. She loved how protective she was. 'Shit' she thought, 'I need to stop this'. _'Larry and I moved along pretty quickly, living with my parents continued to drive me crazy so before long we upped and moved to New York to get away from them. I went through a few jobs; I suppose after spending three years travelling the world, an office job will be painfully boring for anyone. Larry works for The New York Times and is really good at what he does. I work for some business; the boss is an ass but the team is good and the pay is steady.' It wasn't until she'd finished that sentence did Piper realise just how _boring_ her life had become. 'Jesus Pipes, sounds like you're losing your spark', 'fuck off, I just needed some stability in my life. Oh and Larry proposed to me. Christmas day last year, the middle of central park under the tree. I don't think I stopped crying for about an hour.' 'That's understandable, I mean agreeing to marry a man who has the most cliché job in New York and worries when you go out for a while – yep I'd certainly cry to.' _Alex couldn't hide her jealousy even if she wanted to. She was admittedly jealous of Piper for so many reasons; she'd managed to move on. She had someone who loved and adored her. Alex could never bring herself to move on after Piper. She almost felt a sense of anger at Piper for having the audacity to do so. She was _**_engaged_**_. Fuck. Alex didn't know what she wanted but knowing Piper was basically off limits crushed her, especially considering she was struggling to resist the urge to leap over the kitchen island and take her lips in Piper's. She wanted to adore Piper, show her much she'd missed her and how much promise she had to offer her now she'd turned her life around. It appeared to be too little too late as always. Fuck._

* * *

Piper could sense Alex's change of mood whilst she blabbered on about her new life. She couldn't help but feel guilty; she had only just appeared to have a lift of mood yet here she was sending her crashing down again. 'Wow Pipes, looks like you've finally settled for the life your mother so desperately wanted for you.' Piper tried to hide a slight wince at that comment, she knew exactly what Alex was doing, but it still hurt. 'And it looks like you're still a jealous ass hole when someone has something you don't'. _Piper internally pleaded that this wouldn't turn into another argument, this is exactly the reason she'd left Alex. She just didn't get how they could go from perfectly okay to at each other's throat at the drop of a hat. _Alex turned to Piper and let on one of those 'like that is it?' looks, 'And there's that Piper Chapman temper I'd grown to know and love' _thank fuck for that_, Piper exhaled. Thankful Alex was willing to drop it.

The pair once again got lost in their own thoughts, Piper continued to glance around and rake in her surroundings. She was still amazed at how impressive this house was, although she wondered whether it got lonely for Alex, being here on her own. _Or was she on her own? Piper didn't know if she wanted to find out._ 'You know, I still haven't properly moved on Pipes. I always felt like I was betraying you in some twisted way. _It was like this woman was telepathic as well as beautiful, sexy, intelligent…Piper really did need to rein her thought trail in. _'A-Alex I didn't ask', 'I know Pipes, but I also know when you're thinking about things that upset you. I just figured I'd clear the air.' _Fuck. Piper felt another pang of guilt shoot through her. Surely she shouldn't feel guilty for moving on, right?_ 'I just couldn't imagine myself being with anyone except you Pipes. For every fling I had I was constantly looking for you in those women. It was stupid really, but it's true. Nothing ever did quite compare to the feeling of making you cum as many times as I did.' Piper felt her cheeks flush to the deepest shade of red humanely possible, 'aw Pipes, have I got you all flustered?' Alex teased. _She knew exactly what she was doing and she knew it was working. She had Piper wrapped right around her little finger all over again. _'Alex, stop. You don't get to do this. I'm engaged, remember?' _Piper had to stand her ground; she couldn't let herself become lost in Alex. It was bad for the both of them. _'Whatever you say Pipes.'

With that, Alex got up and proceeded to exit the room. Her sudden departure made Piper anxious; she didn't know if she'd said something wrong again. She really didn't doubt that she had. Instinct told her to follow Alex, and so to honour tradition, she did just that. Alex guided her through the vast first floor of her house; Piper saw the large living room with the obnoxious television, complete with leather seating arrangements and a coffee table complete with dozens of coffee mug stains where it was evident Alex had fallen asleep having becoming too engrossed in a warm beverage and a good book. _Piper's heart skipped a beat as she thought back to the many nights she'd return from late night wanders to Alex curled up on their hotel sofa complete with a book falling down her side and various coffee mugs. She loved finding Alex like that; it reminded her that even the strongest of people could be sweet and vulnerable too. _Most of the rooms were guest rooms or miniature libraries. Alex led them up the first flight of stairs and took a swift right turn, only to arrive at a room complete with a door that appeared to be a replica of the wardrobe door seen in the film adaptation of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. _Piper suppressed a giggle as she remembered clearly Alex's love for that series._ Alex hesitated before opening the door; 'Pipes, don't laugh. Ok?' That comment threw her; she'd never seen Alex apprehensive about showing someone her belongings. 'Pinky swear I won't' _Piper raised her pinky to meet Alex's. She wasn't sure if she was doing that to gain Alex's trust or as another excuse to touch her. _Alex carefully opened the door to reveal a room aligned with hundreds of books. 'It's the biggest room in the house, and I don't know. I just thought that I'd turn it into an almost-proper library if you will. Here lie all my favourite pieces of literature.' Piper was gawping at the sheer amount of books that lined the walls. 'Alex, there are hundreds of books here.' 'Exactly' she smirked.

Piper roamed through the shelves, familiarising herself with some of the titles. Many rows contained classics whilst others were strewn with titles she'd never heard of. It wasn't until she was nearing the end of a row near the bottom did she stumble across a certain book. It was one she'd recognise instantly. 'I can't believe you kept this', when Alex realised what Piper was referring to, she couldn't help but blush. 'Yeah, I couldn't bring myself to throw that one away' _Piper brushed the dust off the cover to see the familiar scrawl on the front '__**Piper and Alex's Adventures'. **__Piper reminisced back to a stop off in Dubai, she found a collection of photos and train tickets she'd been collecting on their travels when she decided to scrap book them. From there, the collection grew. She'd forgotten the book existed until now. Knowing Alex had kept it made her heart swell. _

Piper sat down, leant against a shelf and began to flick through the pages. She was smiling as she skimmed through the various photos; each bringing back another memory. She didn't realise she was crying until she felt a familiar touch take a finger to her face to wipe them away from her eyes. 'Don't cry Pipes, they were good memories. We were a good team.' _All this talk of the past tense was hurting Piper more than she cared to admit. She hated herself for throwing away all of what her and Alex had achieved to build._ The pair remained against the shelf aimlessly flicking through the book and laughing at the various memories that photos would bring flooding back for a while longer.

'Hey Pipes, come with me. There's something else I wanna show you' Alex put her hand out, waiting for Piper to take it. She led her to the back of the room, where she revealed a somewhat hidden door. 'I throw a lot of parties here, and I don't want people lurking round, so when I know there's gonna be a lot of people in my house, me and Nicky push one of the shelves against this door and it's like it doesn't exist. Handy, right?' _Piper was beyond blown away with Alex's ability to improvise with every situation. _Alex opened the door to reveal what Piper assumed to be her bedroom.

The space was great; a white faux fur rug lined the floor whilst her king size bed was nothing short of glorious. Various pieces of art were strewn across the walls and her window overlooked the city of New York. Piper felt a fresh bout of jealousy rise, she thought she was doing well but Christ her and Larry's apartment had nothing on this masterpiece of a house.

* * *

Alex went and finally collapsed into the bed whilst Piper assumed a position on the floor. 'We're fucked, aren't we Pipes?'

'I'm afraid so'

'What even are we?' _Alex dreaded to hear the answer she was about to receive._

'Friends, Al. I've moved on, and whilst I still love you; things have changed – I've changed. I love you, a piece of me undoubtedly always will, but I cannot put myself through what we had again. I don't think I could handle it. I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but we've only ever been honest.'

_Alex didn't see this as defeat; rather a challenge. She knew Piper and she knew she was only saying all of this to convince herself. Alex knew she'd get Piper back – it would just require a lot of patience and effort. Piper Chapman was so worth it. _

'Well then Piper Chapman, my new found friend, come be my little spoon.' Alex opened the bed sheets and patted in front of her as a signal for Piper to join her. Piper got up almost immediately and climbed into bed with Alex. As the pair finally came down from the events of the past few hours and gave into both the emotional and physical tiredness they'd been battling, Piper attempted to switch her thoughts off. _It's weird how normal this feels_ was all that crossed her mind as she dozed off, engrossed in the women she never did stop loving.

**A/N: From here, bigger and better things await the pair! Please leave a review if you're feeling kind and I hope you enjoyed. X**


	4. Hold Me Tight Within Your Clutch

**A/N: I'm so overwhelmed at the response this fic has gotten, so thank you all so much. The rating has been changed to M for a reason ;-) Enjoy. X**

**4.**

It was the aromatic smell of bacon and eggs cooking that eventually caused Piper to stir and slowly awaken. Fresh surges of panic shot through her as she glanced at her wrist watch; 3pm. _Shit. _Adrenaline pumping through her, Piper sat up and quickly and realised where she was. _Shit._ Whilst she had no reason to be unable to recall the events of the morning, Piper still panicked in case she'd given into the temptation that was Alex Vause. _Larry. Shit. _'Morning sleepy head' Alex suddenly popped her head around the door frame, 'or should I say afternoon? God Pipes, and I thought I was the one who cherished a lie in' Alex had a smirk playing on her lips at the effect she knew she was having on Piper. _Piper suddenly felt guilty. She'd resulted in ignoring her fiancé for a woman who'd been back in her life mere hours yet here she was sleeping the day away. She was beginning to wonder if she could ever do anything right. _'Al, I'm so sorry for sleeping in so late', 'shut up Pipes, it's fine. We didn't get in until…late? Early? I don't know – the sleep was well deserved. I made breakfast though!' With that, Alex disappeared only to swiftly re-enter the bedroom sporting a tray complete with one plate stacked with Bacon, whilst another balanced a few well cooked eggs, a plate of pancakes accompanied by Maple Syrup and finally a small vase that held a single rose. _This is not meant to be happening. I am not meant to be feeling like this _was all Piper could think to herself, however she knew how much work Alex had put into this so she slapped a smile onto her face, attempted to supress her guilt and enjoy the meal; after all it had been a while since she ate.

_Alex knew it would take more than a single rose accompanied by a plate of bacon and pancakes to win Piper back, but it was a start. She knew how much Piper loved being greeted to breakfast whilst they travelled; it made her feel special. Looking back, it hurt Alex that it took something like breakfast in bed for Piper to feel special. Alex adored every inch of the woman with all her might; she questioned why it was Piper ever doubted that. She knew work was a continuous distraction for her but Piper knew was she was getting into. Maybe it was time Alex began to realise Piper wasn't as resilient or as keen on distance as Alex may have been. _

Both content with the fullness that dwelled in their stomach, Alex and Piper remained perfectly content lazing in bed entwined in each other. _Piper's immediate guilt was all but forgotten the minute Alex laced their fingers together. She knew she had Larry waiting at home, but right now all that mattered was the bubble that encased the pair. No feelings towards Larry could ever contend with those Piper had for Alex – their love was something out of the movies; Piper had fallen in love with Alex another hundred times over the short while they'd been reunited. _

It was Alex who eventually rose out of the blanket fort the pair had unintentionally created, much to Piper's disapproval. 'Gotta pee Pipes, my bladder isn't what it used to be'. _Piper couldn't supress her laughter at that one; she knew she was referring to the 12 hour flight Alex and her had to embark to some remote location – the toilet was out of order and Alex forgot to pee whilst waiting to board. Man how Piper had enjoyed tormenting her lover on that journey. _

The day continued to tick by, whilst the pair continued to amount to a sweet nothing; they alternated between lazing in bed, watching old films and dancing around Alex's miniature palace to their favourite albums. Both of them felt a happiness that had been absent for the past eight years. It was like they were each other's own personal drug; they depended on each other no matter how much they wanted to resist it.

About 6pm, Piper decided she ought to turn her phone on and contact Larry. Mere seconds after airplane mode had been deactivated; her phone began to buzz like crazy. 'Jesus, there's protective and then there's your lover Barry'

'_Larry_, Alex. His name is Larry.'

'And I still don't care Pipes. What's his deal anyway? Worried you've gone MIA to some super hot lesbian? Shit, I guess he has every reason to worry then' Alex was currently smug as fuck, she loved how Piper still somehow found her way back to her; how she'd still rather spend time with her over some yuppie fiancé. Piper couldn't help but feel angry towards Larry;she loved him but god how she wished he'd get the meaning of alone time.

**From: Larry**

**Hey Pipes, just checking you're okay? : ) I love you. Call me when you can. X**

**From: Larry**

**Pipes…What's up? Come on you can talk to me. Love you. X**

**From: Larry**

**Piper? It's been hours. Where the hell are you? Sorry if I've angered you. X**

**From: Larry**

**Going to get some Chinese for tea. I'll order you some if you feel like coming home. **

**_God_** _he's an ass sometimes. It's like if Piper and Larry were to ever enter a TV show, Larry would end up being the one everyone hated. Fuck. _

Piper scrawled out a half –assed reply; more focused on spending time with Alex before she finally had to leave.

**To: Larry**

**Sorry I've been a bit MIA today. Just had a lot going on; don't worry though. I'm fine. I'll be home in a bit – order me Chinese. I'll have whatever you're having. Love you. X**

With that, Piper placed her phone back onto airplane mode and climbed back into bed to join Alex. _She didn't want to leave. The future for the pair was clouded with uncertainty the minute Piper walked out that door and they both knew that. Piper didn't think she could handle losing Alex for a second time. _

Having gradually slumped into Alex's chest, Piper was a bit confused when she suddenly sat up, however Alex slowly reached her hands to meet Piper's chin and tilted her head, forcing their gazes to meet. Piper was reluctant to look Alex in the eyes; weary of the way Alex could make her come undone with a simple look. 'Pipes,' Alex said softly 'come on, look at me.' Piper reluctantly agreed. 'We need to talk. It was the lack of just that that ruined us last time. Come on Pipes, we're adults now.' _God I could sit and listen to that voice forever_ was all Piper could think. 'Al, what are we gonna do? I love you so much it hurts, but I've built a whole new life. I can't just discard that.'

'Why can't you Pipes? You'll have me, you'll have this place. What more could you want?' _Alex simply couldn't understand why the blonde was resisting her. It wasn't as though they weren't both head over heels in love with each other._

'Because it isn't that simple; whilst those things would have sounded perfect to me eight years ago, it wouldn't work now. Alex I have a fiancé waiting for me when I get home, how would he feel if he knew where I'd been today?!' _Alex could feel a fresh bout of anger boiling in the pit of her stomach._

'So Harry's feelings matter but mine don't?! Fucks sake Pipes, do you even care for me a fraction of what you claim to?'

'For the last fucking time, his name is _Larry'_ Piper spat, 'and yes. I care for you more than I do anything else; but I just can't pack up and go Al. It's not fair to anyone.' _This was about to get ugly._

'Can't or won't?'_ There it was; that poisonous look Alex carried in her eyes when she was past the point of no return._

'That isn't fair Al'

'No Piper, do you know what isn't fair? Spending the day with you, slowly allowing myself to foolishly fall for you over and over again only for you to think it's acceptable to walk out of that door tonight and go back to playing happy families. It isn't fair on me or whatever your fucking fiances' called. You don't get to mess with people's emotions like that.' _Alex was getting desperate, she knew she was losing Piper and she couldn't deal with that._

_ Feeling brave, she slowly closed her eyes and began to lean towards Piper. It was now or never and she knew it. Hands now cupping Piper's cheeks, Alex leant in and placed the softest of kisses on Piper's lips; only this time – Piper stopped fighting. She stopped resisting all the feelings of lust and love and happiness she felt towards Alex, letting them take control. Piper knelt up, making her level with Alex; leaning in to meet her lips once again. 'I wanna taste what you taste like'. Alex's lips swiftly parted, allowing Piper's tongue alongside the lingering taste of bacon and coffee to dominate. It was almost as though she'd switched off her conscience; allowing her to become completely lost in the love that was Alex Vause._

* * *

_Alex placed her hand on Piper's back, gently laying her down on the bed as the kiss continued to deepen; eight years' worth of pent up emotions splurging out in the process Alex straddled herself on top of Piper; arms roaming the great canvas that made up her body. She ran her fingers over every little detail; the infinity tattoo Piper had on her side, the various constellations of freckles situated on her abdomen; all the small details of Piper that Alex couldn't help but miss. Her lips slowly travelled away from Piper's lips and down her neck, leaving open mouthed kisses as she continued to move across to her ear. Piper let out a small moan as she felt Alex's teeth gently tug on her ear lobe; a fresh ocean of goose bumps emerging all over body. __**God how she'd missed this. **_

_Alex stole a glance at Piper; her eyes closed and mouth slightly open. This is what she knew – her and Piper like this, this was home for her. Piper felt a cold hand press against her back; clumsily attempting to undo her bra; once the clasps had been undone, Alex slid a hand up Piper's vest, teasing her. She trailed her hands around the area between her breasts, knowing what it'd do to her. 'Al, please' – She didn't need any more reassurance. Concluding there were too many layers between them; Alex sat up before meeting Piper's gaze – 'Off.' __**The low and husky command was enough to create a ridiculous amount of heat between Piper's legs.**__Piper flung her t shirt as well as her bra to somewhere in Alex's room, Alex soon following suit. The pair continued to kiss for a little while longer; both begging for control, however Piper knew the fight was useless – Alex would always win._

* * *

_Piper couldn't believe this was happening. Between kisses she thought how amazing it was that they were able to snap back into this; it was then she remembered something Diane had said to the pair after having one of their arguments in her apartment – 'When you have a connection with someone, it never really goes away. You snap back to being important to each other because you still are.' Piper had initially laughed and thought nothing of the comment, but now she completely understood what Diane meant. She couldn't help but marvel at how wise that woman could be._

* * *

_Alex continued to place open mouthed, sloppy kisses down Piper's abdomen before reaching her core. She wasn't about to give Piper what she wanted that easily. 'Pipes, spread your legs.' – Alex's voice was thick with desire and Piper was reaching desperation. Larry never had this kind of effect on her. Piper let out sharp moans as Alex worked her way up and down her thighs; nipping, kissing, biting. Piper was experiencing the ecstasy only Alex could draw out of her. _

_'Tell me what you want Pipes'_

_'Al please' Piper was growing increasingly desperate for release and Alex knew this, she was definitely using it to her advantage. _

_'Tell me what you want baby,'_

_'Fuck me, make me cum, anything; just __**please**__' Alex didn't need asking twice. She lingered for a few moments, taking in Piper's scent, before slowly tracing her tongue over her swollen clit. The gasp that left Piper indicated she wanted more. Alex slowly inserted two fingers into her love; the buck of her hips indicated what Alex was doing was working out well for them both. 'P-please Al' – Alex had missed this. Continuing to work her fingers inside Piper whilst creating a steady rhythm with her tongue against her clit, Alex couldn't help but steal a glance at the beautiful, sweaty, sexy mess that lay before her every so often – there was something about seeing the love of her life in this state that drove her absolutely crazy. _

_Deciding to come to an abrupt halt, Alex wiped her mouth on her bicep and slowly climbed back up to meet Piper's face. She kissed her hard, forcing Piper to taste herself on her lips. Piper eventually pulled away with a pissed off look plastered on her face; 'what the hell do you think you're playing at?!' Piper's voice was groggy and unhappy as she couldn't quite get her head around the sudden stop. _

_Amidst the smirks and the 'come to bed eyes' she was currently shooting, Alex grabbed Piper's legs and pulled them around her waist. 'Pipes, I want you to look at me when you cum, okay?' saying nothing else, Alex began to kiss Piper; she bit her lower lip and swallowed the tide of moans that Piper let slip. Slipping two fingers back into Piper and regaining her rhythm, Alex continued to leave kisses on every accessible part of Piper; her neck, collarbones, shoulders, her breasts. She just wanted to make Piper feel like the most important woman in the world – because she was. Soon enough, Piper's walls began to close around Alex's fingers. Pushing deeper into Piper and finding her sweet spot, she forced her gaze to meet Piper's as the action was returned; 'Al, fuck please don't stop'_

_'I won't baby' - it appeared that hint of reassurance was all it took for Piper to climax. Alex kept her fingers working as Piper rode out her orgasm – their gaze never breaking. Piper knew why Alex did that – she wanted to steal a glance of her at her most vulnerable just like she had done previously, not to mention Piper wanted the memory of Alex's smug face as she worked wonders on her etched into her mind for the rest of her life._

* * *

The pair slowly sank back into the bed; exhausted. Collapsing into each other, they let the silence encase them. Clothes remained strewn on the floor as the pair basked in the ecstasy the past hour had left lingering. That wasn't just sex that had taken place; it was pure love making. Sex was the best way the pair knew to show their love, to show how much they both needed and wanted each other.

Stealing a glance at a clock that hung adjacent, Piper felt her heart sink as she realised she had to leave soon. As though Alex had read her mind, she put a comforting hand on Piper's shoulder, running her fingers up and down her arm. 'Pipes you really should get going – it's getting late and no doubt Jerry will go into cardiac arrest if you stay out any longer.' Piper rolled her eyes; she'd given up trying to get Alex to grow out of her childish ways. 'I don't want to leave Al, I don't know what's gonna happen when I do.'

_Alex knew now was the time to take a grown up approach to this. If she wanted Piper back in her life, she was going to have to be sophisticated and not give up when shit got tough._

'Pass me your phone', Piper complied and reached over to the bedside table for her phone before entering her passcode and opening the page for a new contact. Alex typed her number in and labelled her contact with nothing but a sunshine emoji. 'Balls in your court kid – you know very well how I feel about you, you want us to happen; make it happen.' Piper could feel herself blushing, she knew very well how much she wanted her and Alex to happen but it was whether she could gather the guts to leave Larry. _Shit _she thought, _I've just cheated on Larry. Shit._

* * *

Piper eventually, not to mention unwillingly, rose from the bed and put her clothes back on. Alex put her robe on; deciding getting dressed again was simply too much hassle. The pair shared a long and heartfelt embrace, both reluctant to be the one to break it. 'Come on Pipes, you'll see me again soon' _Piper could sense the uncertainty that laced Alex's voice. It hurt her knowing Alex didn't trust her anymore. _'You bet your ass I will, Miss Vause.'

The pair walked out the library and down the stairs to Alex's front door. 'I promise I'll text you. I love you Alex. It's funny, in the midst of today I couldn't help but think what your mom said after that one argument'

'Which one Pipes? You'll have to be a bit more specific – I'm good, but I'm not that good' Alex joked

'I can't remember what we argued about, but do you remember that time when your mom told us about having a connection with someone – how it never really goes away and you snap back being important to each other because you still are?'

'Shit yeah, I remember that'

'That finally applies to us. We've snapped back to being important to each other because we still are.'

'I guess you're right Pipes. Shit my mum was wise.'

'She sure was, and I'm sure as hell she'll be looking down on us now doing cartwheels of happiness.'

'Here's hoping. Bye Pipes.' The pair entered a final embrace before Piper finally pulled away and began to leave.

_A feeling of uncertainty suddenly resided in Alex's stomach as she watched Piper walk away. Something felt missing._

'PIPER' Alex called out, making her love turn on her heels, 'yeah?' – _just say it –_ 'I love you Pipes'.

A shit eating grin swallowed Piper's face upon hearing those three words roll off Alex's tongue; 'I love you too, Al. I'll speak to you later.'

With that, Alex closed the door whilst Piper attempted to hail a cab. Whilst they both returned to their separate worlds, they both remained mentally encased in their little bubble; filled with hope that maybe, just maybe, things will be alright.

**A/N – I hope you guys enjoyed that! As alw****always, leave a review if you're feeling generous. X**


	5. I Know You're Scared It's Wrong

**A/N: Can I just say a ridiculously big thank you to everyone who reviews this fic – you're all so lovely and reviews never fail to put a smile on my face! **

**Once again I'm not exactly happy with how this chapter turned out hence why it's taken a little while longer to update, but as always – enjoy. X**

**5.**

It wasn't until Piper slowly started to approach her apartment did the guilt finally begin to set in._.. With the events of the past 13 hours replaying on a loop in her mind, Piper was honestly unable to stop smiling long enough to think; she really was on cloud nine. She kept bringing a finger to her lips; gently skimming over the pieces of flesh that Alex had been almost attached to mere hours before. Piper Chapman was once again head over heels in love with Alex Vause; this was both the best and worst thing that could have happened to her. _

It took her a while to actually get the guts to open the door and enter the shared apartment. 'Pipes, is that you?' _She couldn't bear to face Larry, partly because of how guilty she was but mainly because he wasn't Alex – having experienced the wonders that made up her former lover she didn't want anyone else. She was simply too intoxicated with the woman that once again was at the forefront of her mind. _

Larry darted into the hallway almost a little _too_ eagerly, upon seeing the smile that was etched upon his fiancés face, he immediately assumed it was due to her being in his presence. 'So, how you feeling?' 'I'm fine Larry.' His stomach dropped at the tone Piper was taking with him. 'Are you sure Pipes? What's going on? Is everything ok? Is work ok? Are we ok?' Piper simply shot him a look that indicated she needed him to fuck off now before she tore his head off.

'_Everything_ is fine Larry. I've just had a long day. It's the death anniversary of an old friend if you must know. I just needed to be on my own today. I'm going for a bath.' _Piper was tired of this small talk. She just needed to be away from Larry and free to bask in the thoughts of her beautiful, true love on top of her; kissing her, making her feel good. _ With that, Piper hung her coat up and headed for the bathroom, locking the door behind her; something she never usually does.

* * *

Larry was perplexed. Piper's sudden cold behaviour was unusual and unexpected. It was strange enough her leaving early this morning with nothing but a note, but to put herself in a position where she couldn't be contacted for the majority of the day was simply out of character. Not to mention the sudden change in attitude; even when Piper was in a down mood she never took that tone with Larry. He knew he had some digging to do if he were to uncover what was really bothering her, although an internal instinct told him he wouldn't like what he was about to discover.

Feeling a bit lost, Larry retreated to his desk and continued to research the criteria for his current article. Working at The Times was a blessing for him; the hours were flexible, he was able to work at home if he needed and the pay was steady. Not to mention his job put him in good stead with the Chapman's; he was apparently everything they'd hoped for Piper. _Larry knew that in reality, they only really liked him because he had a steady job with a decent income and he could offer them grandchildren, but he chose not to think about those aspects. He credited himself for finally stepping out of the 'boring jew with ugly sweater choices' demeanour everyone was so sure he'd forever be stuck in._

* * *

Having ran herself a scorching hot bath, Piper continued to sit on the toilet with her phone in her hand. She'd debated texting Alex from the moment she'd left her apartment. _Piper had originally been panic stricken when she couldn't find Alex's number amongst the A's, whilst scrolling to the V's to see if she was just being an ass, Piper had managed to form a thick lump in her throat of regret – convincing herself that Alex had been a mistake and she was stupid for ever thinking Alex would want her back. However the moment she scrolled past the sun emoji, Piper couldn't help but laugh at herself for being so stupid, and at Alex for being so discreet. _

Slowly submerging herself in the tub, Piper pressed the play button on the remote that controlled the docking station her iPod was currently connected to. The first song that came on managed to strike a nerve. Closing her eyes, Piper sunk a little lower in the bath; allowing herself to focus solely on the lyrics that were currently filling the acoustics of the room.

_Now I've got you in my space,_

_I won't let go of you,_

_Got you shackled in my embrace,_

_I'm latching onto you_

* * *

Piper had been gone for a mere hour and Alex was already climbing the walls with the amount she missed her. She couldn't bear to lie in bed; the sweet scent of Vanilla that clung to Piper appeared to be lingering on her sheets. She decided to lounge in her library for a while – aimlessly sifting through her collection. Alex couldn't help but smile at the collection of literature she'd managed to build over the years. Her plan of distraction was working right up until she stumbled across the scrap book that helped her and Piper rekindle their spark a few hours ago.

_Alex just wanted to speak to her love, but she feared coming across as desperate or needy – two things Alex Vause certainly was not. 'Balls in your court kid, please don't let me down' _was Alex's last thought before finally admitting defeat and retreated to her grand living room; glass of wine in hand, Alex sifted through the movie channels until she found something she deemed acceptable as background noise whilst she delved into another book.

* * *

Piper pondered aimlessly whilst doing her nightly skin care routine; _should she text Alex? Should she wait a while? The last thing she wanted was to appear desperate. _'Fuck it' was Piper's final thought on the whole situation – she pulled out her phone, swiped and unlocked it before pulling the 'New SMS' page. Having entered the number attached to the sunshine emoji, she'd reached the tricky part – what on earth was she meant to say? _'Hi I miss you'? 'Hi, thanks for the mind blowing orgasms, miss you.'? 'Your scent is still lingering in every nook and cranny of my body and I won't even touch Larry in fear that his scent will replace yours'? Any of them would be fitting – they wouldn't exactly be lies. However Piper eventually got herself together and constructed a text;_

**Hi Al, it's me, Piper. I miss you. Thank you for today – it's funny how life has a way of working in full circles, isn't it? Who'd have thought eight years later (to the ****_day) _****we'd be back to our old ways. I'm not complaining – heck if there's anyone up there (mostly Diane) I'm sending them all the love I own right now. I hope you're well, and you're not missing me too much. I promise I'll see you soon. I know everything's a bit up in the air right now but I promise we'll sort it eventually; we always do. I love you Al, I hope you know that.**

Piper tried her best to distract herself from the deafening silence that was coming from her phone the minute she'd hit the send button. Everything suddenly felt like a challenge; trying to fake her happiness with Larry, trying to press the loneliness that had suddenly washed over her down into places she couldn't think about it_. Trying not to think about Alex was the hardest task of all. She was completely infatuated by the older woman and she knew she now needed her as much as she needed oxygen. _

Five excruciatingly long minutes passed before the buzz of Piper's phone alerted her Alex had finally replied.

**From: Alex**

**I figured that much Pipes ;-) I miss you like crazy. I know; it's strange isn't it? But perhaps this full circle was the best thing that could have happened to us. I'm sending all my love up to my mom tonight; she was always our biggest fan. I have every faith in us – I know it won't be easy but we'll figure it out. I love you to the stars and back Piper Chapman. Goodnight. X**

Her heart swelled three times the normal size once she'd finished reading the reply. It scared her knowing how involved the two were again, already. But she also knew Alex would be worth every ounce of fight it took for them to work things out.

* * *

By the time she'd finally finished in the bathroom, Piper returned to their bedroom to find Larry hunched over his laptop. _She knew she had to make an effort right now, as much as she didn't want to. Larry didn't deserve this treatment. _'Hey boo, what're you working on?' Piper asked, forcing herself to be interested. 'Hey Pipes, just researching some article to do with all the issues in Ukraine. It's scary you know – how fast these people's lives have been turned upside down. One day they had it all, the next they'll have nothing.' _Piper's heart twisted upon hearing Larry speak like that – although it was impossible he could know about Piper and Alex, comments like that couldn't help but make her paranoid. This was all completely wrong but if it was the only way she could have Alex, she didn't care._

'Yeah, you're telling me Lar. Anyway, I'm tired – long day, you know? I'm just gonna head to bed. Night, love you.' Piper swiftly placed a kiss on his forehead and dived beneath the covers before he had a chance to argue. She wasn't in the mood for excusing herself out of sex. She fell asleep quickly; head filled with the sweet images of the day that had just unfolded.

* * *

Alex found herself curled in a ball on her settee, it would appear she'd fallen asleep whilst lost in another world of fiction. She glanced at her wrist watch – the time read 8:58. Her first thought would be whether Piper was awake. _As though the pair had a shared lesbian telepathy of sorts, Alex's phone vibrated, alerting her she had a message. She smiled at the sender line._

**From: Piper**

**Good morning sunshine! Are you awake? : ) x**

Alex punched out a reply so fast it was as though her life depended on it;

**To: Piper**

**Good morning to you too. It would appear someone is in a good mood! I am indeed awake (barely).**

**From: Piper**

**How could I possibly be in a bad mood when you've seemed to waltz your way back into my life? I was wondering if you fancied going out for breakfast? Larry insisted of going to work at 8am this morning – even on a Sunday! Goes to show his priorities. X**

**To: Piper**

**Well Pipes, when you put it like that….;-) Wow, what an ass hole! But yes, breakfast sounds amazing. When and where? X**

Replies remained swift, leaving little time for Alex to read over her previous messages and stress whether what she was saying was correct. The pair eventually agreed on meeting in a small diner, a place not too far from either of them. Alex could hardly hold a steady hand whilst applying her eyeliner due to nerves; _pull yourself together Vause. You've seen this woman a thousand times already. This is no different._ Only, this time was different. The pair had been absent from each-others presence for eight long, torturous years. A lot had changed. The fact they were sneaking around to simply meet showed how much had changed.

Alex felt like a love struck teenager going on a first date as she finished getting ready; not wanting to look _too_ overdressed, she decided on a black vest top accompanied by a red flannel shirt, black skinny jeans and her adoring black Doc Martens. Having given her make up one final touch up, she exited her house and made way to their meeting place.

* * *

Piper couldn't believe she was doing this. It had been simply 12 hours since she'd last seen the raven haired beauty yet she was already eager to be in her presence again. The decision to ask Alex out for breakfast had been a last minute one; Piper knew inviting Alex round to her apartment would leave too many clues for the suspicious fiancé to sniff out. _Ugh, fiancé. That word made Piper's stomach turn. She simply did not want to be with that man anymore. _Pushing Larry to the back of her mind, Piper gave her hair one last tease before exiting her apartment. She had a stride in her step that had been missing for what felt like forever. _This is happiness_ Piper thought to herself as she slowly approached the diner.

Piper was the one to clock Alex waiting idly outside a building with the words '**Cup & Saucer**' proudly hanging from the top. Noticing Alex had her back turned to her, Piper knew she was about to use this to her advantage. Continuing forward, Piper tried to make her steps as silent as possible until she eventually was within touching distance of her love. She quickly jumped to her tip toes and threw her hands around Alex's eyes; 'GUESS WHO' she shouted. _The way Alex relaxed the second she heard Piper's voice made it hard for her to resist the urge to melt into her there and then. They both had this undeniable effect on each other; one that even years later appeared to still be standing strong. _

'Jesus Pipes', Alex was struggling to supress her laughter; no matter how hard she was trying to act mad. 'You never were one for warm welcomes were you?'

'Well you know me; I thrive off the element of surprise. I love keeping people on their toes.' That statement earned Piper an eye roll on Alex's behalf; they pondered outside the diner for a few moments, not wanting to break the connection that was currently thriving between them. 'Come on kid, I'm starving!' With that, Alex held the door open for the blonde and they made their way to a secluded table near that back of the diner; it wasn't that they were hiding; they just preferred to be able to become engrossed in each other without worrying who would see.

The pair made idle chit chat before a waitress of about 19 came and took their order; she was blonde, sporting a row of cornrows and a weird neck tattoo, they both knew the girl was probably attempting to rebuild her life after some form of addiction. 'Welcome to Cup & Saucer, what can I get you two today?' _the young girl really was trying, and they admired that. They both made a mental note to leave a generous tip. _After much deliberation, Piper eventually ordered their 'American Special' which consisted of Eggs, Sausage, Potatoes and Bacon whilst Alex preferred something lighter and went for the Oatmeal and Fruit. And coffee; a whole pot to herself. 'Watching your figure or something Al?' Piper joked, 'No, I'm just not a morning person, come on Pipes you should know that'. _Piper knew better than anyone Alex's seeming inability to function properly before midday; even with her morning coffee she'd remain a cranky little bitch right up until the midday sun cracked its flags. _

Their meals were swift to arrive; Piper seemed to defy all Chapman teachings by diving into the mass amount of food that was presented in front of her. 'Wow, if I didn't know any better Pipes, I'd guess you were a little bit hungry?' Piper shot her a 'do I look like I care' glance with a mouth full of potatoes, 'Fuck off, I didn't eat much last night. I didn't really do anything last night, except think about you; us.' That small revelation was enough to stun Alex; she didn't expect anything quite so serious over breakfast. 'Ditto kid. How's the fiancé?' _Alex didn't really care how Barry/Harry/whatever his name was_, _but she felt obliged to ask_. 'Well, apart from waking up at 6am to be at the office by 8am, waking me up 3 times in the process. I guess he's fine. He's a bit lost as to why I'm being distant all of a sudden. I don't know Al – what do I do? I don't want to be with him but in all honesty, I'm _scared_ to leave him. Everything becomes so uncertain the minute I step out that door and never return.' _Alex was trying her best to process everything Piper was saying, but honestly she was lost after Piper admitting she was scared to leave him. That sparked something within Alex; walls began to go up. Piper had left her once; she could easily do it again. _'Well, whilst everything may be uncertain, you know I'd be with you the whole way. I know you're scared it's wrong, but honestly I promise I would make you the happiest girl alive; I'd treat you right. I'd give you everything' _Alex was allowing herself to be vulnerable; to ensure Piper knew how serious she was about everything. _

'I know Al, and you know I'd give you everything in return. I just don't know; I want you but I've built up a life and I don't know if I can just pack up and go so easily.'

'Pipes, where exactly are you going with this?' _Alex could feel a lump form in her throat. She didn't think she could bare Piper leaving her again. _

'Relax baby, I'm not splitting us off or whatever you think it is I'm about to do. I'm just being honest; I want you to know I can't dive into this head first. I need time, time to slowly step away from Larry and from that relationship. I know it isn't what you want but it's the best I can offer. My cards are on the table Al. I'm all in.'

Alex felt a single tear escape; she was at a loss for words. 'Pipes, I don't know what to say. Thank you. I'll wait for you, I promise. Just say the words and I'm there.'

* * *

The two finished their breakfast in a familiarly comfortable silence. Once they were ready to leave, they decided to split the bill; not forgetting to leave their young waitress a generous tip. It was only 9:30am. The day was still new, and neither had any intentions of departing just yet.

They continued to saunter for a while throughout the streets of New York; it had once been their playground a fairy tale ago. The streets were lined with so many memories; both good and bad. They passed an old book shop they'd once spent the majority of a rainy Saturday in.

_It was rare for Alex to have a day off, especially whilst in the States. They decided to make the most of it. 'Hey kid, put your rain jacket on; we're going out.' Alex led Piper to a small, starting to look a little run down book store. Piper couldn't help but smile; it screamed Alex. The pair wandered the shelves for hours; picking up books, flicking through pages and reading snippets they enjoyed aloud to each other. It was one of the few places where Alex was able to completely switch off to the demands of her job and focus solely on Piper._

'You know after we split up, I'd always come in here' Piper confessed, 'I always remembered this place and I was convinced one day I'd come in and bump into you. I'd planned this great apology in my head yet you never did appear.' A look of sadness washed over the blonde. 'I tended to avoid places we'd been in after we broke up, hurt too much – ya know?' Piper appreciated Alex's honesty.

They went in once more, just for old time's sake. They laughed at how much it _hadn't_ changed; 'looks like some things never change' Piper knew there was a double meaning behind Alex's remark, but things were good right now – in fact they were amazing. She didn't fancy delving into it and causing tension.

About twenty minutes later, the pair decided to leave the store. Alex had what would probably make up a fresh shelf of books. Piper simply groaned, 'you are like a kid in a candy shop when it comes to books aren't you?' 'What?!' Alex flashed the falsest pout she could muster, 'I like books kid, nothing wrong with that.'

* * *

Neither of them wanted to part ways just yet, although Piper knew Larry would probably be returning home soon. That was when the thought struck her; she knew exactly where they needed to go. 'Come on Al', she extended her arm complete with an open hand, willing her love to take it.

'Pipes, where are we going?' 'You'll see,' the pair headed towards central park. Once through the grand gates that welcomed thousands of people a day, Piper stopped at a coffee truck and ordered two mocha's before continuing her stroll with her love, who was still blissfully unaware of where they were going.

They finally arrived at Piper's desired spot. She shuffled on her feet for a few moments, hoping Alex would understand where they were. 'Pipes' Alex once again found herself holding back tears, she couldn't believe Piper remembered this place; it was the exact tree Diane would go and sit under when the world got too much. Piper knew Alex would sometimes join her on days where she needed a day off from the business. She knew this was special for Alex.

'Come sit', Piper slowly sat and patted a patch of grass next to her, signalling for her love to come closer. The pair became encased in a blissful peace and quiet, sipping on their now lukewarm coffees and basking in the many faces that passed by their spot. 'I really could get used to these spontaneous dates you know Pipes'

_Dates. That word was enough to induce a flurry of butterflies in Piper's stomach. Alex thought of this as a date which meant she thought of these as something serious. Piper was so fucking in love; it almost made her feel sick. _

**A/N: I know nothing major happened in this chapter but it's setting everything up for what lies ahead, besides everyone loves a bit of Vauseman fluff right?! Review if you're feeling kind. X**


	6. You've Got Nothing To Lose

**A/N: Sorry this update took a while. College and A-Levels and all that boring stuff means updates will probably be a bit more spaced out now.**

**I really enjoyed writing this chapter and I hope y'all enjoy reading it. X**

** 6. **

The pair continued to laze in that beloved spot until the weather was finally the factor to tear them apart; rain began to pelt the streets of New York and its unlucky victims who were just so happening to enjoy their lunch breaks.

'I had a great morning Pipes, thank you for this' Alex said whilst pulling out of their final embrace. 'As always, it was my pleasure baby' Piper smiled; she still couldn't comprehend how normal this all felt to her. _They'd slipped into the Alex and Piper they were familiar with before Alex's work load got too much and their relationship had turned toxic. _

Both heading off their separate ways, Piper pulled her phone out as she began to approach her apartment. She had three new texts; _Ugh. Larry._

**From: Larry**

**Hey Pipes, thought we could head out to lunch today? My treat :) x**

**From: Larry**

**What do ya think then? Lunch – yay or nay?**

**From: Larry**

**Piiiiiiiiippppppppeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssss, reply. X**

_Ever since she'd rekindled her spark with Alex, Piper couldn't help but notice how clingy Larry was. It was as though she needed to clock in with him every time she went somewhere, or reply within sixty seconds of receiving a text from him. It was all becoming a little tiring. _

She knew however that he probably had good reason to be like this; Piper had changed around him, that much was evident. She knew she had to break it off eventually but she just couldn't bear losing the steady life she'd built to go back to freefalling through life. Yes; Alex was successful and was hardly short of money – financial stability wasn't what scared her, rather the uncertainty of their emotional stability. They had a knack of failing in the communication department and leaving silence to fill in the blanks. Their relationship eight years ago had been too much too often and Piper didn't know if she was ready to face the possibility of returning to it.

Reluctantly, Piper agreed for lunch. _It might be nice; it might be what we need. _She made her way back into the apartment to touch up her makeup before heading out to meet Larry at the office.

* * *

Alex strode blissfully back to her lavish living space. She felt amazing; everything in her life felt right for the first time in a while. Admittedly feeling slightly lost without Piper's presence and with no prior plans for today, she reached for her phone and decided to call Nicky. It took about 6 rings for her to pick up; 'Vause, Pigs best be fucking flying for you to be waking me up right now,' 'Nichols, I hate to break it to ya but it's 1 o'clock in the afternoon – the world is _thriving_ right now and you're sleeping the day away, what would Red have to say?' Alex knew their boundaries; jokes like that were okay. Jokes about Nicky's biological mother however, were not. 'Yeah well, luckily she's in work. What the fuck are you so chipper about?' Alex put on a mock hurt tone, 'Ouch Nichols, your unsupportive view towards my happiness has wounded me. Remind me to never come to you in a crisis. Anyway…I just simply rekindled with an old friend' 'And who would this old friend be?' 'Someone I hold dear to my heart, Nichols' _Something inside Nicky clicked at those words_, 'Fuck Vause – its Chapman isn't it?!' _Nicky knew a lot about Piper – probably too much. She was the one who'd spent endless nights consoling her broken hearted best friend; reminding her that Piper wasn't worth shit and time heals woes. She'd been the one who'd helped Alex get out of the rut that was heroin after the break up. She was basically responsible for keeping Alex's head above water throughout the years. _'Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.' 'Wooaahh, this is no time for your cryptic shit. Don't go anywhere; I'll be over in 20. I want details Vause, so get 'em ready!' With that, Nicky ended the call whilst Alex was sat chuckling to herself – she always wondered how she and Nicky ended up working as friends, but she was beyond thankful they did.

* * *

Piper met Larry outside his office; the building that was home to one of the most renowned papers in the world certainly conveyed that image. It was a grand skyscraper complete with what appeared to the human eye as an endless amount of stories. Piper was always in awe when she looked up. 'Trying to count how many windows this building has?' Larry joked as he approached Piper. He went to hug her only for Piper to wince away; she wasn't ready to give up Alex's scent lingering on her clothes just yet – she opted for a peck on the lips instead.

'So, what've you done this morning Pipes?' The pair made idle chit-chat whilst walking hand in hand towards their vicinity of choice for lunch. It was a small family run café; it presented a sense of home and safety to whomever stepped through their doors. Once seated, the couple were presented with menus and given a few minutes to decide what it was they fancied. Eventually, Piper ordered a Caesar Salad, admittedly still ridiculously full from her secret breakfast date with Alex. _Alex. Piper's mind couldn't help but wander back to that woman. She wondered what she was doing right now; how she was feeling. Piper hoped she was happy. That was all she ever wanted for her. _Larry could see Piper becoming lost in her own thoughts and gave her a gentle tap on the arm, 'Pipes, you okay?' Slightly stunned; unaware of the fact she'd even become lost in a daydream, Piper cursed herself for allowing her mind to run away with itself. 'Sorry, yeah I'm fine. So how's work?' _A wave of relief washed over her when Larry's face lit up at the change of topic; she was glad she wouldn't have to dwell on what she was feeling. _Larry continued to drone on about all the current affairs he was delving into in hopes of making a front page worthy article whilst Piper continued to half-heartedly listen. _Ever since her and Alex had lain in the spacious king-sized bed that took up not even half of Alex's hidden away room talking about so many aspects of life, small talk with Larry simply didn't match up. This was getting a bit ridiculous – Piper was looking for pieces of Alex in all aspects of her life all over again; she needed to be with that woman. _

Having managed to engage in somewhat thoughtful conversation, Piper couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief when Larry finally asked for the tab. Whilst reaching for her purse, Larry put a firm grip on her wrist as his way of indicating he'll be getting this meal. _This is everything Carol Chapman had ever dreamt of for Piper; a nice man who got the tabs after lunch and had a bright future with a steady income ahead of him. Not an ex-drug dealing, smoking hot, 5'10 raven haired beauty whos eyes were like oceans and lips were like silk. Yet Piper didn't care, she knew where her heart lay._

* * *

Alex and Nicky lay strewn out across the floor in one of Alex's more discreet libraries; the shelves that lined the walls held titles that meant little to her – all the important ones were kept in the room that allowed her bedroom to remain hidden. 'Vause, how long has it been since you had a party?' 'Precisely 48 hours, how come?' 'Is there a 48 hour rule on parties? I am fucking _bored_' 'Nicky, it's a Sunday; people will hardly be in the party mood with the thought of the Monday morning blues hanging over their heads,' 'you wanna bet?' 'Go for it – 50 people RSVP and the parties on. I don't need asking twice.' With that, Nicky leapt up and over to retrieve one of the many pieces of technology scattered throughout Alex's house to form an e-vite.

It was then the idea sparked in Alex's head – this was the perfect time to see Piper. _Alex missed the blonde intoxicated. She was such a lightweight with a taste for Tequila; the perfect combination when it wanted to be. Alex recalled a certain night in Cambodia; having slipped an X whilst Piper remained solely on a mix of Tequila Slammers and White Wine, they found themselves in a drag bar. It was quite possibly one of the funniest nights of Alex's life. Her and Piper had been goaded by the mass amounts of drag queens speaking in foreign tongues to dance on the bar; of course they never missed an opportunity. The pair began to grind against each other, attracting quite the crowd, whilst the bass pumped through them; teasing each other with just enough contact to ensure they were both wired for the night ahead, they leapt off the bar and embarked on the drunken stagger back to their rented apartment. A smirk crept up on Alex's face as she recalled what else happened that night; she made Piper tip over the edge of orgasm countless times that night. It was what she did best. _

Unsure as to whether this was the best idea, Alex fell upon Nicky's advice to make a decision; 'go for it Vause, you and Chapman have a lot of shit to sort but nothing says 'I'm sorry' like a drunken fuck!' 'Nichols, if I ask her to come, I'm gonna have to agree to let that bastard fiancé tag along.' 'Like that's ever stopped ya; girls love you!' Nicky grinned; 'Oh yeah, I'm bringing a…friend along tonight. Names Lorna. She's sweet; just so you know' Alex had never seen Nicky's eyes light up at the mention of someone quite like she did then. 'Fuck, mind you don't piss yourself with excitement there Nichols. That's sweet, just make sure we're introduced so I can give her the whole 'she's my best friend and if you break her heart you'll have me to answer to' pep talk. Deal?' 'Deal!' The pair broke out into a stomach aching amount of laughter; they were both genuinely happy for the first time in forever. 'Right, the event page is sorted. Tonight's gonna be a big one. Do we need to move anything?'

'Na, everything's more or less still where it was left because of Friday, we'll just need to pull the bookshelf over my bedroom door before people get here.'

'Sweet. Well, you text your girl whilst I go and get ready. See ya later!' Nicky allowed the door to slam behind her; it was her way of showing the ridiculous amount of excitement she had. _Alex's party always had a ridiculous turn out and there was always new memories being made. Ain't no party like an Alex Vause party!_

Alex continued to fidget on the edge of her bed, phone in hand, trying to figure out the best way to invite Piper.

**To: Piper**

**Hey Pipes, um, I'm having a party tonight – not my idea btw. I was just wondering if you wanted to come? You're welcome to bring Gary along. X**

* * *

The walk back to their apartment was sweet; the silence wasn't awkward and the conversation that did occur was relevant. Piper mused at how nice this was; the small moments of pure romance she and Larry rarely shared. She knew she was no longer happy in this relationship; she saw of Larry as more of a best friend than a fiancé – the real question was whether she figured that out before or after Alex waltzed back into her life.

As they stepped through into their living space, Piper heard her phone vibrate to indicate she had a message; she couldn't supress a smile when she saw the sender ID. Having read it; she was torn. She wanted nothing more than to go and party with Alex and Nicky, but also didn't want Larry to feel obliged to come. _Fuck it, only one way to find out. _

'Hey Lar, fancy going to a party tonight?'

'On a Sunday?' _and there we have it; the party pooper attitude._

'Yes on a Sunday, one of my old friends invited me. Come _on_ it'll be _fun!'_ Piper was slightly desperate for him to agree, unknowing of when she'll next have a chance to see Alex.

'Um…yeah, okay. Let's go. Dare to be different and all that.' Piper couldn't contain her happiness at this; she ran up to him and kissed him. _Larry was rough and stubbly, nothing like Alex. _Quickly pulling back, she ran off to their bedroom to begin looking for an outfit acceptable for the night that lay ahead.

**To: Alex **_Piper had recently had to change Alex's contact ID to her proper name; fearful the emoji would spark suspicion in Larry._

**Absolutely 28534% yes to the party! LARRY will be attending – but big crowds right? I could easily lose him ;-) What should I wear by the way? X**

Piper aimlessly scanned her wardrobe awaiting a reply; she just knew she had to impress Alex.

**From: Alex**

**Excellent! Oh Piper Chapman – how I've missed your rebellious little spark. Wear whatever you want, just look sexy. X**

* * *

Piper spent the next two hours undergoing her infamous getting ready ritual; shower shampoo wash hair conditioner shave wash hair shampoo one last time wash hair one last time get out the shower dry face apply face mask moisturise entire body whilst waiting for face mask to set spend the next half an hour attempting to peel it off pluck eyebrows dry hair curl hair apply make-up glare at wardrobe for as long as she could whilst moaning about her 'lack of clothes' eventually decide on an outfit scream at Larry to get out whilst she was getting ready touch up make-up one last time shoes complete.

Having decided on a skin tight black leather halter-neck dress complete with a pair of semi-high heels, Piper gave herself one final look up and down in the mirror and was finally pleased with her appearance. Accompanied by a bold red lipstick that stood out against her sun kissed skin; Piper felt beautiful – and she knew Alex would feel the same way about her. Her moment of self -appreciation was short lived as Larry timidly knocked on the door asking if he could come and put his shoes on yet. Upon entering, he stopped in his tracks, taking his time to bask in the beauty that stood before him. _She preferred when Alex looked at her that way. God she was turning into such a wicked bitch. _'Pipes, you look amazing.' 'Thanks…I know' she joked, she knew Larry was only being nice. 'Larry do not even _think_ about touching the brown shoes. They do not go in the slightest. No.' Larry supressed the urge to sigh, instead letting out an exhausted laugh, 'whatever you say Pipes' _don't call me that. Only Alex can call me that. _

Finally leaving, the pair hailed a cab and embarked arm in arm to the address Alex had texted Piper a few hours ago; both wondering what lay ahead.

* * *

It was half an hour until people were due to arrive; Alex and Nicky were drunk. Not the 'I'm slightly tipsy' drunk, the 'Oh my god how the fuck am I standing up right now' drunk. They were being sloppy and they loved it. Everything had been put away, the door was concealed by the shelf and the pair were eagerly awaiting the guests to begin to arrive. A knock on the door indicated Lorna had arrived; Nicky told her to come earlier than most so she could pre-drink with the disgustingly drunk duo. 'Shit, how am I meant to answer the door? She's gonna take one look at me and turn around.' Nicky suddenly went off in a wave on panic. 'Nichols, relax. Pour her a drink and I'll get the door. It'll be fine.' Thankfully, Lorna looked a little tipsy herself – Alex put it down to her dire need for Liquid Confidence. _Nicky and Lorna were still new, fresh. They were taking things slow; Nicky had never been one to stick to one person. She was more of a 'fuck and fuck off' type, so for her to have kept Lorna around for this long indicated to Alex she was serious. _'Hey Alex, is Nicky here yet?' 'She sure is kid, come on in.' Lorna entered; taking in her grand surroundings. Alex soon led her to the kitchen were Nicky was sat on a stool against the bar Alex had set up. 'Hey, shot?' _Smooth Nichols, real smooth_ Alex thought to herself.

The trio continued to drink and laugh until clusters of people finally started to arrive. Alex's nerves were beginning to rise; she was flustered at the thought of seeing Piper. She'd made a real effort with her appearance; wearing her hair in loose curls, a black laced dress that hugged her figure in all the right places – complete with killer red heels and bold lipstick that stood out against her porcelain skin. Continuing to welcome the flurries that entered through her door, she was more than relieved to see a certain blonde when she opened the door for what felt like the thousandth time. _Alex had to stop herself from dragging the blonde there and then to her bedroom; whilst that dress looked fucking _**_amazing_**_ on her, it'd look even better on Alex's bedroom floor. _She was unfortunately brought out of her Piper Chapman fantasy when the woman herself took her into a short embrace; 'Alex, this is Larry…my fiance' _Piper felt uncomfortable addressing him as that in front of the woman she was currently having an affair with. Boy, she needed a drink. _'Larry.' Alex said with a stern tone as she placed her hand out for him to shake. He seemed to shit himself by simply being in the taller woman's presence; Alex knew she could be intimidating when she wanted to be and planned on using that to her full advantage right now.

* * *

Having poured them both a drink; Alex, Piper, Larry, Nicky and Lorna resided in the back yard for a while, away from the main life of the party. The music was loud whilst the drinks were flowing – everything was going smoothly. Both Alex and Piper had to prevent themselves mentally undressing each other with their eyes; both were struggling. Piper and Nicky's first encountered was nowhere near as tense as Alex anticipated – although Alex had that down to the fact Nicky was barely standing right now, let alone grasping the ability to form a coherent sentence.

Looking down at both hers and Piper's empty glasses, Alex saw this as a perfect opportunity for the pair to slip away for some brief 'alone time'. 'Hey Pipes, your glass is looking empty, care to join me for a refill?' _As though Piper read her mind, she got up almost immediately._ Larry tried to join the duo, much to Piper's annoyance. 'Lar, I'll get you a drink. Another beer?' Larry nodded, unable to hide his defeated look before sitting back down.

Alex took Piper by the hand and led her to what everyone thought would be the kitchen – only the pair had other ideas.

* * *

Both a little drunk, they struggled to move the shelf that was blocking the entrance to Alex's bedroom. Becoming impatient, Alex gave up and closed the door to the library, hoping everyone attending the party was familiar enough with the rules now; if the door is closed you do not enter that room. She took her time walking over to Piper – allowing the desire between them to build. Finally, Alex cupped Piper's face in her hands, 'you look absolutely fucking _beautiful_ tonight Piper Chapman' she whispered as she began to gently bite Piper's earlobe – knowing this was such a weakness for her lover.

Alex crashed her lips into Piper's, taking only seconds to get her bearings, Piper soon had her hands roaming round every crevice she could reach through Alex's skin tight dress whilst kissing her love back; their tongues roamed each other's mouths, both begging for dominance. Piper, as always, eventually submitted and allowed Alex to take control. Soon enough, she found herself pressed against the wall; Alex lifted her knee between Piper's thighs, desperate to create any kind of friction between them. The pair grew heated; both yearning for more. Eventually deciding there were too many layers between them, both hurriedly ripped the dresses that were blocking proper access to each other. Now in nothing but underwear, Piper was laid down on the floor with Alex on top of her; planting open mouthed kisses all over her stomach. Both too engrossed in the moment, they failed to hear the door open. 'PIPER?!' Alex immediately got off her, throwing her dress over at an attempt to save some dignity. It wasn't until they both recognised the figure standing in the door did they realise they were in trouble. 'L-Larry' Piper began to panic 'I can…explain'.

**A/N: Oh how I love a good cliff hanger! As always please review if you're feeling generous – hearing all your thoughts on my work only motivates me to write faster. X**


	7. I Can't Make You Love Me

**A/N: Apologies for the late update – sixth form and a bit of a social life has prevented me from updating. I'm not sure if I'm satisfied with this chapter; but I thought that I'd better update sooner rather than later. Enjoy. X**

**7.**

_Piper was in deep and she knew it. She'd always known she'd have to make a choice eventually; only she hadn't imagined it would be in a situation like this – never did she expect to be forced into making a decision between the two people who meant most to her, in her ex-girlfriends library, barely sober whilst in her underwear. _

Larry quickly stormed out the room shortly after seeing his supposed fiancé almost nakedly intertwined with a woman he knew nothing about. Seeing Piper with another person, let alone a _woman_ made him sick. It wasn't that he was homophobic – he just never imagined Piper to be like _that. _Regardless of gender, he was struggling to get his head around the fact he'd just walked in on Piper cheating on him. Leaving them with a few moments, Piper and Alex attempted to sober up and set their thought processes straight, _well as straight as two lesbians who've just been interrupted in the middle of what would have been hot steamy sex can. _Piper's mind felt like it was racing a thousand miles an hour; she didn't know what to do. She didn't know who to choose. Both ways she loses and she didn't know if she could handle that.

* * *

The pair continued to meander through the seas of people that were filling every nook and cranny of Alex's wonder home until they managed to make it to the garden. As expected, they found a steaming Larry attempting to be calmed down by a barely sober Nicky and Lorna. 'Larry' Nicky slurred, 'they're lesbians, whad'ya expect? Needs must and all that.' The pair failed to regress a smirk at Nicky's drunken reasoning's of lesbian affairs. Piper quickly intervened before Larry saw red; 'Larry, shall we go out the front and talk?' he begrudgingly accepted the offer and began to follow the two women. The sudden silence and calmness hit the three like a blessing; they all needed a moment to gather their thoughts – even if it did allow an awkward silence to blanket over them.

'Larry,' Piper was the first to break it, 'I'm so sorry you had to see that. I didn't want you finding out this way.' 'Piper, what exactly did I walk in on?'

'Surely a boy like you should know exactly what that was; you probably watched enough porn like it whilst you were younger' Alex teased; she'd always felt a sense of protectiveness over Piper, and this time was no different.

'Shut the fuck up you little lesbian bitch' _Piper knew Larry had always been one with a secret temper, the only problem is so did Alex. This was about to get ugly fast. _Larry's words were slurred as it was obvious he'd managed a shot or three between leaving the library and making it outside. 'What the _fuck_ did you just say to me?' Alex spat. Larry lazily took a step towards Alex; this forced her to broaden her shoulders – Alex always had a knack of making herself look bigger and a hell more intimidating than any opponent. 'I saaaaid' _Piper was experiencing the worst second hand embarrassment on her fiancés behalf, _'shut the _fuck_ up, you _little lesbian bitch_'. There was only 5 seconds between Larry finishing his sentence and him hitting the floor; Alex punched him right in the jaw, she didn't care – he deserved it. No one messes with Alex Vause and gets away with it.

* * *

A small crowd was forming the trio and before anyone knew what was happening, Alex felt a pair of arms quickly wrap around her waist forcefully picking her up and taking her away from the situation. 'GET THE _FUCK_ OFF ME' she began to kick her legs like a toddler throwing a tantrum before the person carrying her finally put her down. It took her a few seconds to register the familiar face; her lifelong friend John Bennett was attempting to smarten his attire whilst staying on alert in case Alex swung for him too. 'Alex, what the fuck are you doing?! You can't just go around punching guests!' 'I can when they shout homophobic slurs to me you ass' Bennett was taken aback by this; he suddenly felt a bubble of anger rising at that revelation. Alex had been good to him throughout the years and to know someone had been purposefully offensive to her made him want to punch the guy twice as hard. Bennett however was collected enough to know that violence was no longer the answer.

Having managed to disperse the crowd, Alex called time on the party. She quickly managed to get guests to begin to filter towards the doors of her house and be off into the night. A quick scan of the house, showed that much to her relief, there were no major damages. Never missing a moment for celebration, Alex headed for her liquor cabinet and pulled out the litre bottle of vodka that resided near the back; tonight had been eventful and she thought she deserved a drink – a strong one at that. Pouring the spirit into a shot glass until it spilled slightly over the edge, Alex cheered to herself before knocking it back in one. She went on to do this another two times before feeling satisfied with the warm buzz that was currently circulating her body.

During a final scour of the premises, she soon heard what could only be described as animal mating calls erupting from her shed; only she recognised the tone of one of them. _Nichols, you dirty dog._ Leaving the two new lovers to go about their business, Alex retreated back into her kitchen, picking up a half full bottle of wine on the way; she figured it'd be the best way to ignore the now very apparent stinging in her knuckles. Practically falling onto one of the stools accompanying her breakfast bar, Alex grabbed the closest book and proceeded to delve into a new world of fiction; no thoughts of Piper Chapman and the events of the night were allowed to cross her mind yet. She was too drunk and too relaxed to think of the consequences.

* * *

Piper felt as though she was having an outer body experience; she couldn't wrap her head around the fact Alex had just swung for Larry. She couldn't wrap her head around the fact Larry had just been outright homophobic to her lover. She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that her life had seemingly fell apart in the space of an hour. This wasn't supposed to happen. Tonight was supposed to be a nice night – a chance for Piper to be surrounded by love and happiness, not for her to be caught cheating and to now be on the way to the emergency room with a fiancé who refused to so much as look at her.

'So then, how long are you going to continue this silent treatment?' 'Piper, honestly you are the last person I was to speak to right now let alone be on the way to the emergency room with' _Ass hole. _Piper wasn't _that_ self-absorbed however – she knew Larry had every right to be angry, but she didn't fancy spending the night in ER with nothing but her thoughts to occupy her.

An hour passed and Larry was finally seen by a nurse working that night; she was sweet. She could also sense the tension between the pair meaning small chat was kept to a minimum. It turned out there was nothing majorly wrong with Larry, just a sore jaw and a bit of wounded pride. _He did deserve it though_.

The cab ride home was long, and silent. Piper pulled out her phone, feeling a little disappointed when she realised Alex hadn't messaged her. After responding to various other texts – her mother wishing her well, Polly moaning about Pete and Cal asking how to delete a tab off Safari (it would appear wilderness living was beginning to take it's tole on him) Piper was stuck. She didn't know whether to text Alex or leave her to initiate conversation. _It wasn't as though the pair had left on bad terms…quite the opposite. Piper figured Alex was merely preoccupied. _ Bored of sitting in a stuffy cab with a seemingly dragging journey, Piper pulled herself together and got Alex's contact details up before pressing the message button.

**To: Alex**

**So…are we ok? Me and Larry certainly aren't. I'm not mad at you for punching him btw, he was out of line and totally deserved it. Anyway, I feel like we need to talk. Lunch tomorrow? My break is 12-1 so if you happen to be in the area I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight X**

Putting her phone back in her purse, the pair remained in silence until they arrived back at their apartment. Neither of them wanted to be the first to say anything, knowing the other would break eventually.

Growing bored of the pettiness Larry was currently displaying, Piper soon got up to head for the bedroom; however she was stopped by a forceful hand grabbing her wrist. 'Piper, we need to talk,' _here we fucking go, '_I don't know where we go from here. I can't seem to get my head around it. Since when were you _gay _ Piper?' _She couldn't help but wince at that labelling; Piper Chapman had never thought of herself as gay. She'd never thought of herself as anything; she liked whoever she liked – she didn't feel the need for labels._ 'Larry, I'm not gay. I never was. I don't know. Me and Alex have so much history – we were recklessly and hopelessly in love.' 'Wow Pipes, I think you missed that part out when we revealed ourselves entirely! So what happened, can I know?' Piper suddenly felt uncomfortable; her and Alex's past was private. She didn't want to share it – especially not the international drug cartel part. 'Well, I met her in a bar when I was looking for a job, I'd just graduated Smith. We were just fooling around for a while before shit got really serious. Her job involved a lot of travelling and the thought of being apart killed us, so I quit everything I was connected to here in the states, packed up and went with her. We travelled for pretty much our whole relationship. We saw so many cities, did so many things. It was an experience like no other. We were in love Larry – in love like I didn't even know was possible. Eventually, Alex's work became her priority whilst I was forgotten; we grew toxic for each other. I left her the day her mother died, yes I know my timing was shit before you butt in, but I knew if I didn't go then I would never find it in myself to leave. The other day, when I was out all day, was her mother's anniversary. I went on a run to clear my head from all the guilt that was coursing through me and ended up at the cemetery; little did I know Alex would be doubled over Diane's grave in bits. I don't know, everything just kind of rekindled that day. I can't explain it.' _Larry could feel the sick rising in his throat; he now had a burning passion for Alex. He envied her; the way the mere mention of her could make Piper's eyes glimmer in a way he could never achieve. He didn't know what to do with all the information he'd just received. He loved Piper with his whole heart, and it crushed him to know the feeling wasn't reciprocated. _'Shit Pipes, I had no idea. What the fuck are we meant to do now?!' _Piper wished more than anything she could provide an answer for that; she was in love with Alex yet she loved Larry and everything he had to offer. She was completely torn between her head and her heart. _

'Let's go to bed Lar, we'll talk about it tomorrow', with that Piper left the sofa she was currently sat on and headed for the bedroom at last. She quickly slipped out of her current attire into an oversized t shirt before collapsing into bed. She glanced at her phone to the surprise of having a reply off Alex;

**From: Alex**

**Did we seem ok last time we were in each other's company? ;-) Fuck Larry, seriously Pipes you can do so much better (hint hint). I might have a few meetings but I'll text you tomorrow and let you know. Night Pipes. X**

Piper couldn't help but sigh. She didn't _ask_ for any of this to happen. _Sure,_ she missed Alex but that doesn't mean she wished for her to waltz back into her life and cause all of this. _**God**__ Piper was such a narcissist when she wanted to be. _Deciding to take her own advice, Piper set her alarm for an early morning run before work and allowed herself to slip into an Alex Vause filled sleep.

* * *

Mornings still lacked appeal in Alex's books. Silencing her 7:30am alarm, she stirred for a while before finally accepting that she would have to get up. She headed for the bathroom; ready to do her morning routine of showering before applying a light layer of make-up, doing her hair in a 'not too fancy' way as her peers described it, until she was finally ready to pick out a killer outfit to set her up for the day ahead. Today that routine took a grand total of 45 minutes – deciding to use her morning coffee as motivation until she finally felt alive enough to venture out.

Reaching down for the garage door, she pondered about whether to see Piper or not. She could easily clear her schedule if she needed to; it was simply a matter of whether she was up for the challenge that was confronting Piper Chapman. Her track record was shit – Alex knew all too well Piper had a knack of running when shit got real; torn as to whether to put herself through the trauma of possibly losing the love of her life for a second time, Alex thought 'fuck it' and texted Piper a place to meet at 12 o'clock sharp before stepping into her Mercedes, ready for what she felt would be a ridiculously tiring day.

* * *

Piper's morning run only seemed to contribute to her bad mood. It gave her time to think; that wasn't what she needed right now. She could safely conclude she was now torn between safety and complete freedom; only Piper had never felt as unsure as to which appealed to her most. For the second time in her life, Piper Chapman would have to choose between sensibility and irrationality. It would appear she had a knack for finding herself in these situations.

Agreeing to meet Alex for lunch, Piper silently agreed to herself all thoughts revolving around her mess of a love life were strictly forbade until then. She instead got herself ready for work, making more of an effort than usual _she could try and convince herself it wasn't for Alex, but she was fooling no one_ and continued to carry on as normal as possible. Just as she was heading out, Larry asked for her to call in late for work. She immediately assumed the worst – she thought it may be something to do with his parents, or Polly. Every possible disaster was currently running through her head. 'Pipes, come and sit down', _this was it. Someone's dead. Everything's fallen to shit. Brace yourself Chapman. _'Stop looking so worried, no one's died and everything's fine as of now. I just think we need to take a moment to talk about us.' _Relief swept through her; however she was slightly annoyed her internal promise of forgetting about her love life had been broken not even half an hour after she made it. _'Piper Elizabeth Chapman, I have loved you for the past six years. You've provided me with some of the greatest days of my life, and admittedly some of the worst. When I'm with you, everything just seems okay. You have that effect on me. I know yesterday was a disaster but you were drunk and everyone does stupid things under the influence. I just want to ask if we could put this behind us and carry on. I promise to love you more and more every day – I promise I'll give you everything you ever want Pipes. Say the words and you'll have it.' _Piper had never wanted the ground to swallow her up so much quite like she did now. Something inside her was nagging for her to agree; to carry on as normal. But Alex. Everything always came back down to that girl. Piper was beginning to resent herself for it. _'Pipes, just to show you how much you mean to me, I want to ask for your permission to bring the wedding forward – say next month? I want to show you how serious I am about me and you. We can get married, maybe even try for kids. What do ya say Pipes?' Larry had that sickeningly sweet smile pressed across his face that only appeared when he was desperate. _This is all too much_. Before Larry got his answer, Piper found herself hurtling for the door. She just needed to be out the apartment and away from any reminders of the mess she'd made before she went crazy.

* * *

Having managed to somewhat compose herself on the Subway, work wasn't too bad. It was a fairly busy day which meant Piper was kept as far away from her thoughts as possible – just what she needed. Lunch time came around quickly and before she knew it she was anxiously awaiting Alex's arrival outside a restaurant they'd agreed on for lunch.

'Hey you' _God how that voice made Piper melt. _Piper struggled to keep her composure when she felt Alex slink her arm around her waist. 'Shall we go in?' Alex held the door for Piper and they both wandered to a waiter to alert him they'd arrived for their reservation. After a brief wait, the pair was seated at a table next to the window. 'So Pipes, how's the fiancés jaw?' Alex joked, 'it's seen better days, put it that way. I still can't believe you punched him with such force. I've missed that temper.' 'Well, what can I say? He disrespected me.' The pair continued their light hearted conversation through ordering their meals and right up until it arrived. 'So Pipes'. _why was that becoming such a familiar phrase to Piper's ears? _'Tell me, what's going on?' Piper rolled her eyes; she really wasn't ready for this conversation. 'I honestly don't know any more Al. I'm in a rut and I'm not sure how to fix it.' Honesty had never been Piper's strong point, but she was trying to change that. 'I didn't exactly plan for you to walk back into my life. I don't know, everything was perfect and now it all appears to have fallen apart'. _Alex could feel her heart shattering with every word that escaped Piper's lips, she knew where this was going and she didn't like it. _'With you, everything is new – everything is free, wild and dangerous. But it's full of constant uncertainty Al, I know you're not in the cartel anymore but still – tell me there isn't a day that goes by where you're not constantly checking over your shoulder in case one of them just gets bored and decides to spring an attack? We both know it's more than probable to happen because we've both _seen_ it happen.' Alex was bored of this. 'Piper where the fuck are you going with this?' _This was it, Piper was about to fuck her life up monumentally for the second time around, '_when I'm with Larry, everything is safe. Everything is as it should be. He can offer me so much – he's brought the wedding forward, we're talking about kids, we're financially stable. I can't just leave that Al, I love you with every inch of my existence but I can't just pack up and leave. We're a chapter best left closed. I'm sorry.' Alex was struggling to hold back tears at this point. 'What the fuck are you saying?

'I pick him. I pick Larry.'

* * *

**A/N: PLEASE DON'T HATE ME! I hate Larry as much as everyone else does BUT everything is getting interesting – what's a bit of Vauseman without a rollercoaster ride hey?! ;-) As always, read and review if you're feeling generous. X**


	8. He'll Never Love You Like I Can

**A/N: Haha by the looks of the reviews the last chapter got, everyone was just as unhappy with the ending as I was! So in honour of that, here's another chapter so we can move things along and get Larry out the way. This is a bit of a filler chapter, just to convey the aftermath of emotions. I'm sorry if it's slow or whatnot. I'm seriously doubting my own abilities lately and I'm never happy with anything I write so I'm sorry if that shows. Enjoy. X**

**8.**

_Piper regretted those six words the moment they left her lips. That was it, she'd done it. She'd fucked her life up for the second time. Regret filled her the moment the first syllable slipped from her lips. The look in Alex's eyes went from anger to sheer heartbreak, and Piper wished more than anything she wasn't familiar with it. A million thoughts were currently colliding in her mind. She'd never felt so unsure about anything in her life – her heart was screaming Alex, but as always Piper played it safe and went for her heads calling of Larry._

'Piper, please' _Alex could feel her world falling apart around her. She couldn't believe this fucking idiot of a woman had been back in her life for a mere three days and she was already losing her again. She was kicking herself – why did she agree to lunch? Refusal could have meant dragging out this twisted little love story for a while longer. Why did she allow Piper back in, in the first place? Alex had found out the hard way the dark and manipulative side to Piper Chapman, yet she was willing to ignore all of it if it meant having her back. _

'Don't. I'm so fucking sorry.' With that, Piper handed Alex what would summit to half the bill before walking out of the restaurant; tears streamed down her face as she silently wept at the happenings of the past half an hour. _Alex felt as though Piper had taken her heart with her through the exit doors. She felt numb; she felt nothing. Suddenly she became a little fish in a big fucking pond again – once again she was without the love of her life. Knowing full well she could smash things, cry, scream; self-destruct in any way she felt suited didn't comfort her. Knowing she would be going home to an empty bed with Pipers scent still fucking lingering didn't comfort her. Nothing did. Alex felt herself dropping down the Piper Chapman sized black hole once again. This time, she didn't know if she'd be able to make it out alive. _

Piper's journey back to work consisted of convincing herself she had in fact made the right decision for once in her life, whilst holding back all the tears that were threatening to grace her cheeks. All she could think about was the look in Alex's eyes; how she'd seen the spark deaden. It killed Piper to know she was the cause of it. Taking a deep breath before entering, Piper knew she had to simply get through today. _Make a bullet wound look like a graze – Chapman tradition. _Managing to slide back into her cube unnoticed, she continued as normal. _She was being a typical Chapman; compartmentalising all her woes until further notice. She'd always had a habit of bottling everything up until one day something would trigger an 'episode' as her mother used to describe them. These days, she knew it was just a test of how long it took before she reverted to a bottle of vodka to drown her demons._

Knowing she couldn't face tonight – not in Larry's company at least, the wounds were still too raw. She needed to time to grieve for her emotional loss. Piper was in love but completely heartbroken at the same time, her own emotions never failed to amaze her – she quickly text Polly begging for a well needed sleepover.

**To: Polly**

**I'm an awful person. I need my best friend and ice cream. Can I crash at yours tonight?**

Piper knew she should have felt guilty; Polly had Finn to take care of, but she honestly didn't care about anything but her wounded heart right now. After filing some more mind-numbingly boring paper work, she heard her phone buzz from within her purse.

**From: Polly**

**Oh god, what've you done now? Come round at 8, me and my two friends Ben and Jerry will be waiting. X**

Relief washed over Piper knowing she wouldn't have to spend tonight in Larry's company. She didn't think she could handle the guilt looking at him would bring, not tonight. She tried to settle under the radar of her workplace for the rest of her day.

Alex slammed the remainder of the bill onto the table, causing a few bystanders to look up from their own little bubbles, but she didn't care. Alex Vause suddenly cared about nothing at all. She didn't know where she was headed – but she needed to get out of that restaurant and fast. Her mind was currently playing Devil's Advocate – she vowed to never step foot inside that wretched place with mediocre food and bad karma ever again. Nor would she step foot inside a certain subway station because that too was filled with nothing but bad luck and resentment. Nor would she ever lie in the bed sheets her and Piper had simply days ago because they were laced with nothing but toxicity and hatred. Alex felt as though her heart had shrivelled. She didn't feel alive anymore.

The journey home felt never ending. She wanted nothing more than to go to Piper's office and beg for her back. _She didn't have her in the first place. _Alex didn't even know where Piper worked. _That was how insignificant Alex was to her – she hadn't even disclosed details of her current employment. _Driving proved to be a trivial task when her eyes were blurred from tears and she found herself having an internal battle to prevent her foot slamming down on the acceleration and driving into the first wall she could find. _She hated it. She had once again given Piper everything, only for her to destroy it. _Alex had to pull over at some point during the journey home – only to puke the remnants of the past two hours. It was almost like her body was trying to rid every trace of Piper Chapman all by itself.

Having finally arrived back at her apartment, Alex did what she knew best – she poured herself a drink and got the fuck on with things. Searching through her bag for her phone, she dialled Nicky's number immediately. 'Vause, what's up?' Her voice sounded hoarse, Alex knew she was interrupting something but right now she didn't care. 'Piper left me…again' _saying it aloud hurt more than she thought; it made everything real. _She knew she had Nicky's attention by that point – she could hear her fumbling about. 'Please tell me you're fucking joking. I'm gonna fucking kill the college BITCH.' _Nicky was seething. She knew there was a chance Alex could get hurt but she never expected this much so soon. _'What happened?' 'That part doesn't matter' _Alex's voice broke with the weight of her sadness, she was drowning. _'Invite every Tom, Dick and Harry you know. We're having the party to end all fucking parties tonight.' 'Sure thing sister, don't gotta ask me twice! I'll see you later, oh and I love ya Vause, keep your fucking chin up' with that Nicky's end of the line went dead. _Straight girls,_ Nicky thought, _they'll fuck you up every time. _

Nicky knew tonight was going to be filled with sorrow and alcohol – probably a fair bit of rage too. She couldn't fathom Piper's actions; she'd only known the girl a mere three days yet even _she _could tell how head over fucking heels in love the pair was. The ways they looked at each other; the stolen glances, the way they'd undress each other with their eyes when they thought no one was paying attention. Even Nicky Nichols, the master of heart breaking, could see how in love they were. Something wasn't right, and she was going to get to the bottom of it.

Through mutual connections, Nicky knew exactly where Piper worked. Of course, she'd never tell Alex that; no need to add another tie that would soon need to be cut. She vowed tomorrow she would visit Piper's office and call her out on the shit storm she'd so effortlessly managed to stir up.

Thoughts of Piper temporarily aside, Nicky headed over to Alex's for what would be a long and heavy night.

Piper managed to clock off early by her standards – by half 6 she was once again indulging herself in the hustle and bustle of NYC before disappearing into the separate city of the Underground. She needed to attempt to prepare something to say to Larry. She knew exactly what needed doing, but it appeared words had escaped her. _You're going to agree to push the wedding forward. You're going to agree to try for kids. You're going to agree to absolutely all of it because it is not only what your parents want but what __**you**__ want. You didn't lose Alex for nothing. _

Her Subway journey eventually came to an end and the dreaded walk back to the apartment began. Piper purposefully tried her best to take baby steps; in both a physical and mental sense. Baby steps with Larry; she may have temporarily fallen out of love with him – but she knew that could be rectified. It would just take time.

Pushing her key into the lock, she exhaled a breath she didn't realise she'd been holding before stepping into her apartment. 'Hello?' Larry immediately sprang out from the living room; his face had a look of sheer concern plastered on it. _Piper's eyes were red and puffy. As much as she tried, the walk home had been her downfall. Tears escaped her like her own personal rain storm. She'd tried her best to keep it together until she got to Polly's at least but all attempts failed. Her heart ached for both Alex and herself; anger flushed through her. Anger at herself and at the world. She wanted nothing more than for her and Alex to work out, just for once. It appeared as though they just weren't meant to be and whilst Piper had tried to be adult and accept that, there were parts of her brain that were screaming for her to rebel and head straight to Alex's apartment there and then. She was having withdrawals from Alex – no – she was being forced to go Cold Turkey. Piper had never hated herself more. _'Pipes, what's up?!' Larry's first thought was that he'd fucked up more. Oh how naïve he was. 'Larry, can we just sit down for a sec?' _Piper was beginning to feel like her whole life revolved around sitting down and having bad conversations with people. _'I cut all ties with Alex today. I told her I couldn't be involved with her; I love her more than I love anyone Larry and it's scary. I love you. I want to be with you. I want this wedding pushed forward and I want us to have our own little family. I need us to work out. Please Lar, I just need something good to fucking happen for once.' It was at that point Piper finally cracked. Everything finally became real. Alex was finally gone. Larry was her future. Piper knew this was the best option, only she wasn't completely satisfied with that. _Typical Chapman, always wanting more. _Larry held her gently as she sobbed; she welcomed the familiarity of his aftershave and stubble. Piper needed security right now, she knew Larry could offer her that much.

That night, Piper cancelled her plans with Polly; promising to make it up in the near future with a strong alcoholic beverage and a good gossip. She instead opted for a night on the couch with her husband to be watching reruns of Honey Boo Boo accompanied with Thai food and Wine. _The smell of the Thai delivery made Piper wince; she knew it was Alex's favourite. Maybe that was why she'd ordered it; simplistic ways of torture. _

By 9pm the majority of the guests at Alex's place were ridiculously drunk. Having been drinking since 4 in the afternoon, both Nicky and Alex were now reliant on everyone else for literal support. Long had they past the point of being able to stand. Their words came out in an organised slur. They would communicate simply by looks and laughs. _It was enough for now, Alex was too drunk to remember her own name; let alone the heartache that was currently weighing down heavy on her shoulders. _

Whilst Nicky and Lorna snuck off when they thought Alex wasn't looking to continue being loved up lesbians, Alex continued to greet her guests, dance, drink and party. She'd made a substantial amount of effort with her appearance tonight; having made sure she both looked and felt fabulous as a way of putting up her walls and displaying her bullshit façade she was slowly becoming familiar with.

As the night grew, Alex only became more and more intoxicated. One group of guests decided it would be an idea to light up joints in the living room, meaning the room now greeted new comers to a strong aroma of Cannabis whilst smoke hung thick in the air. Alex deemed now as the perfect time to go all out; she joined them, yet to decipher whether she'd regret that decision. _Feeling as though she was no longer in her body, rather outside it, Alex felt on top of the world. Drugs had always been her forte; even if it was a shitty class C that shouldn't be illegal in the first place, Alex lived for the highs and reliefs that drugs harboured. Whilst in encased in a mix of intoxication and a seemingly never ending high, Alex took it upon herself to spill her life stories to a stranger she'd acquired when she'd somehow managed to get into the back yard. She was a pretty girl, although her name escaped her. She was sure she wouldn't mind that though. She went on to talk about the cartel and all the places she'd travelled to, all the experiences had. It wasn't until the girl enquired about her love life did her bubble pop. That was when it all came flooding back to her; Piper Chapman was no longer there, she had in fact broken her heart once again and as a result, Alex was once again alone. Alex debated texting Piper, sending her a 12 page message about how much she hated her, but she couldn't. She would never this amount of suffering on anyone, let alone the love of her life. _

_The girl tried to kiss her, but it all felt so wrong. It wasn't Piper. Nothing was Piper yet everything hurt. Alex felt as though she'd suddenly become a lost cause. No one cared about her; no one's consideration mattered because they weren't Piper. Alex hated herself for letting one stupid woman have a hold of this velocity on her again. Fuck Piper Chapman, and fuck her for breaking Alex Vause's fucking heart yet again. _

**A/N: Okay SO I know nothing major happened and I'm sorry if this was a bland chapter BUT it's setting the ball rolling. I now have a firm idea of where I want this story to go thus I'm really gonna be able to (hopefully) write chapters at a faster pace and hopefully make them a little more thrilling. As always review if you're feeling generous. X**


	9. What Are You So Scared Of?

**A/N: The response I get from this story never fails to blow me away. Reading all the reviews you lovely people post never fail to make me smile, so thank you for that! I am SO sorry for how long these updates are taking – sixth form is literally consuming all my spare time!**

**9.**

The morning after the night before proved to be harsher than usual for both Alex and Nicky. With the party carrying on deep into the night, there were still a few remaining guests still lingering at 9am the next morning; simply too wasted to embark home the night before.

_The girl (whose name Alex still didn't know) continued to attempt to kiss her. It took Alex physically pushing herself off the couch and out of the girl's clasp before she finally got the message. Her head was a mess, traces of Piper lurked everywhere. Needing some space she headed for her library, only to be reminded of her ex once again. Tired of fighting, Alex took their scrapbook from its home on the shelf and began to sift through the pages. Pictures of them is exotic locations; Morocco, the Bahamas, even places in Iceland they didn't know how to pronounce, were slapped across the pages – all serving as a brutal reminder of what she had loved and lost. She felt lost, broken; empty. No amount of alcohol could drown her Piper Chapman shaped demons right now._

_Knowing she couldn't hide forever, Alex made an attempt of composing herself; reapplying her eyeliner and bold lipstick before heading back downstairs to the bulk of the party. Thankfully bumping into Nicky somewhere along the way, she was able to relax into herself more. 'Vause, forget her, one night. Just for tonight. I'll sort everything. Promise' Nicky slurred, being too drunk to bear to believe anything else, Alex acknowledged her best friends promise and continued to drink herself deeper into oblivion. _

'Vause, I swear we have _got_ to slow down on these parties. I'm getting old' Nicky moaned before running into one of the many meticulous bathrooms scattered around Alex's house. 'Learn to keep up Nichols, and maybe keep your alcohol down' Alex retorted from the opposite side of the door – she knew she should probably go and help her control the wild mane that sat on top of her head whilst continuing to puke her guts up, but Alex didn't think she could handle seeing all those shots again.

Whilst wandering round the downstairs living space looking for any obvious damages, Alex reached for her phone to check for messages – she knew who she was expecting one from, and it wasn't until her lock screen showed nothing but a picture of her and her mum in their younger years did reality come crashing down on her. _She'd lost the blonde once again, and suddenly Alex was overcome with the desire to get drunk all over again._

Nicky sat in the bathroom questioning every aspect of her life. '_Why oh why oh WHY do I have to drink so much?'_ was about as far as she got before her head reverted back to its original position down the toilet. Having been friends for many years, Nicky knew when Alex needed to blow off steam; but she concluded last night was beyond that. Last night was self-destructive, even for her. Sure, Nicky was used to Alex charming all the sweet and innocent girls getting wet over the sheer fact of attending one of these legendary parties – but what she wasn't used to was seeing her best friend heartbroken. Alex had never been one to settle down, or even let down her walls enough to move onto the third date. Fuck and forget had always seemed to be her mantra; so for her to be all over someone else immediately after Piper delivered a heart shattering ultimatum just seemed too odd for her.

Finally feeling confident that she'd puked up a vital organ or two, as well as all the alcohol she consumed last night, Nicky finally got to her feet – head still swirling – deciding to take a shower before planning how to approach today. Reaching over to the faucet mounted on the wall, she turned the left knob to turn initiate the flow of water before turning the right knob all the way to the hottest temperature. It wasn't until she was down to her underwear did she realise she should probably let the girl who actually owned the house know what she was doing. _Eh, fuck it. Not like she ain't seen me naked before. _Nicky smirked at the vague memory of her and Alex's brief moment of passion; having allowed a New Year's Eve kiss to go too far, they both learnt they were better acquainted as friends as opposed to lovers.

Confidently striding into the living area covered by nothing but last night's underwear, Nicky stole a heart shattering glance at Alex; curled up on the sofa – phone in one hand whilst the remnants of a bottle of Vodka remained secured in the other. Unable to stand seeing her best friend so hurt over someone so, in Nicky's eyes, unimportant she vowed to follow through with her promise from the previous night. 'So what? You're trying to be Romeo 2.0 by killing yourself with all this poison? Cause no offence Vause, I don't think you'll have your Juliet running to your casket, or couch in this instance, ready to sacrifice herself for loves young dream' _Nicky's intentions were right, just sometimes her humour was poorly timed. _Her little remark earned nothing but a cold glare from desolate eyes, Nicky soon realised this was neither the time nor place. 'Ok, so it was a shit joke – I'm a sucker for an analogy; heck is that even what an analogy is?! I don't know, anyway I'm going for a shower. Shout me if ya need me' with that, Nicky left Alex to continue to drink Vodka as though it was Lemonade; heading back to the bathroom that greeted her with a thick blanket of steam. Breathing in the vapours almost immediately helped soothe her throbbing head. Finally stripping her skin of the underwear; the hot water teaming over her felt like a blessing. Basking in the serenity and calmness that currently surrounded her, Nicky attempted to regain a timeline of events from the night before.

_She remembered Lorna – how on earth could she forget?! Nicky knew she was something special; the way their lips felt like silk being woven into each other, the way Lorna's seemingly innocent fingertips graced her skin – apprehensive of boundaries. The way she'd called out her name in the confines of Alex's shed; everything about that girl was a dream come true for Nicky. _

_Nicky also remembered her vow to Alex; she promised she'd set her and Piper right. She may as well promise to help an Ostrich fly – that would have probably been the easier of the two situations. Having the advantage of knowing where Piper worked – Nicky at least had a starting point. _

Finally taming her mane of hair that was drenched with sweat, alcohol and traces of god knows what else, not to mention finally washing away all reminders of _just _how much she drank last night – Nicky finally felt human enough to venture out into the busy, compacted life of New York.

Awakening in Larry's arms served as a brutal reminder of everything she'd lost. With a dream land filled with the softness and familiarities of Piper's former lover – reality was a harsh reminder of the day before.

'Morning Pipes' _there it was – that apprehension in his voice as though he was scared a simple greeting was wrong. This was all wrong. Engaged couples shouldn't act like this. _'Morning Lar, Coffee?' his agreement gave Piper an excuse she was desperate for to leave the bed before he tried anything. Walking over to the kettle, Piper instinctively reached for her phone – nothing. Her heart sunk. She thought Alex may have at least tried to text her. _Narcissist. _The phone felt like fire in her hands – burning with temptation of texting Alex. _It's funny how you never realise how much you need someone until they're gone. _Pulling the coffee out of the cupboard whilst waiting for the kettle to boil, Piper felt a set of beefy arms wrap around her fragile waist, nearly causing her to lose her balance. _This is wrong – all wrong. It should be Alex. _'Larry, please' Piper scolded 'hot water, me not balancing, safety hazard!' _She couldn't help being such a bitch. It was like she resented him for being so safe. Piper could only hope this would subside after tying the knot. _Piper felt a pang of guilt hit her like a bat to the stomach as she stole a glance of the hurt expression that painted Larry's face – he was simply trying to make his fiancé feel loved and she was doing everything possible to resist that. 'I-I'm sorry Pipes. I don't know, I just don't know what's right and wrong between us anymore' _fuck off with the guilt trips. _'Lar, I'm sorry for snapping,' Piper slowly brought her arms around his waist – he was warm, cuddly – only a fraction of what she yearned for. 'I'm just not in a good place right now, I have you and that makes me happier than anything, but I've also lost someone who meant a lot to me…again. I just need some time to get over it, you know?' Larry looked at her with an agreeing smile and knowing eyes. _Thank you for knowing when to leave me be Lar, seriously. _

The pair continued to get ready for work in silence, both opting to skip breakfast – wanting to avoid any more awkward silences – they kissed each other lovingly before departing their apartment to go on to their separate work lives.

The Subway ride proved about as mundane as Piper needed. Thankful to be off the metal transportation box – she quickly headed straight for the office, stealing a glance at the overshadowing clouds that were an obnoxious shade of grey. Having passed through the seemingly welcoming doors that encased all of the madness she was sure to experience today – Piper was greeted with an unpleasant surprise; Nicky.

Attempting to make herself go unnoticed proved unsuccessful, 'Chapman' Nicky called, 'we need to talk, now.' There was a certain coldness to her tone that made Piper's stomach turned. She knew full well why Nicky was here._ There it was, that bubble of guilt slowly surfacing for the nth time today. _'Um, I'm just about to start my shi-' 'No worries, I got friends here, they'll cover ya. Let's go.' Without taking a second glance at her, Nicky began striding out of the doors that had only moments ago welcomed Piper into an escape – knowing it was the right thing to do, Piper reluctantly followed her.

Arriving swiftly at the nearest coffee shop, the pair ordered and sat down; neither speaking a word for the duration. Allowing a moment to gather their thoughts, both Piper and Nicky focused their eyes straight ahead, taking in the streets of New York and the lives that were currently filling them. _Piper still couldn't get her story straight; she knew exactly why she left Alex, but she couldn't say it aloud. She couldn't make any of it real. Still attempting to bring her head around the fact she would be marrying a man whose touch repulses her, she knew that there surely had to be a way around this. _

'I see you thinkin' Chapman, start talking' Nicky's stern tone couldn't help but intimidate Piper slightly; 'I don't know what you expect me to say Nicky' _fucking college, _'Chapman, quit playing dumb. You know exactly why I wanted to see you and you know exactly what answers I need, start fucking talking.' _Nicky could feel her blood beginning to boil; Alex may be dumb enough to pry into Piper's games but she certainly wasn't. _'H-how is she?'

'She?'

'Alex' _the simple task of allowing that name to roll off her tongue made Piper's heart swell,_

_'_Oh you know, she's spiffing! We held a massive fucking party last night – never seen a girl drink so much! Hey College guess what – she even smoked some weed! How fucking _spiffing is that?! _Oh and to top this whole thing off – I find her hunched over in a ball this morning with a bottle of fucking vodka to try forget about ya! So you know – Vause is never fucking better. Thanks for asking!' Nicky's voice was laced thick with both sarcasm and anger, she despised every inch of Piper Chapman at this current moment in time for reducing the normally bold, strong to nothing but tears and vodka.

'Look Nicky, I know you're mad but think of how I'm feeling right now' Piper's condescending tone was enough to make Nicky see red,

'Back the FUCK up Chapman – you think I'm_ mad?_ HA! Mad doesn't cover it. You lured Alex in, got her trapped in your fucking web and left her just as she was letting down her walls again. Heck I am fucking furious – we always had this legacy, me and Vause that we'd snap any girls neck who fucked with us, you wanna know what's stopping me carrying that out right now? She fucking _loves _you Chapman – I can't explain it, it's like you're her missing piece and whenever you're round she's on cloud nine. The eight years you were gone? She never fucking shut up about you! I could tell you about half your fucking adventures – everything always came back down to _you_. I had to go out to see my best friend absolutely fucking heartbroken with eyes as empty as her list of boys she'd fuck, clutching a bottle of vodka as though it was her life support. Do you know how fucking hard that was Chapman? Oh no wait, you wouldn't considering you're the one with the habit of walking out on her when shit got real! So don't you fucking dare expect me to consider _your_ fucking feelings in all of this when you're the one doing all the hurting. You're twisted Chapman, hope you know that. Losing Vause will be the biggest mistake you ever made.' Piper had tears streaming down her face at this point – Nicky's harsh words were the reality check she'd needed to avoid, at least for now. She just needed space to figure this entire thing out – at least that's what she kept telling herself.

_Losing her temper to this extent had never been her intent. Nicky had just wanted to try get in Piper's head for a while – see if she could decode her reasoning's behind leaving Alex. Never did she expect Piper to be this massive fucking narcissist with her head shoved up her own ass. Honestly, Nicky couldn't believe how selfish she was being – she'd just broken Alex's heart and now she only cared for herself._

'Nicky,' finally the awkward tension that had blanketed the pair was broken. _Nicky hadn't realised she was near screaming at Piper until she'd finished her recital of 'why Piper Chapman is an awful person', which hadn't failed to earn them a few glares from snobby business people caring only about their own issues. _'I'm so sorry for everything that's happened. I can't expect you to understand it – I don't even understand it. I love Alex more than I love anyone, but I can't do it anymore. Nothing is ever certain. I need safety and reliability.'

'Bull SHIT Chapman – you've seen her house; she's fucking loaded. She's so fucking good at what she does; money has never been a fucking issue!'

'It's not just financial stability Nicky – things have a way of turning toxic between us, I can't bear for that to happen again.'

'That was eight fucking years ago when drugs ruled her life! Look – things have changed, you've both fucking _changed_, what part of this are you not getting? When are you gonna grow up and admit the only reason you've picked Barry is because you're scared? Because we both know that's the truth'

_How did everyone have the ability to read Piper like an open book? She swore she used to be guarded – her game really was slacking. _

_'_Okay you know what? Fine. Yes, I'm fucking terrified of falling completely in love with her again only for it to fall to shit. The prospect of things ever getting back to how they used to be terrifies me. But I've made my bed and now I've gotta sleep in it Nicky. Me and Larry have pushed the wedding forward - we're getting married in just under a month. It's all for the best.'

_The sheer mention of the wedding made Piper's heart drop. She still didn't know if she was ready to become fully committed; to make the transition into 'Mrs. Larry Bloom'_

'All best for who though Chapman? Shit I just don't get you college grads! You're clearly head over fucking heels for Alex, she's more than in love with you – what are you so scared of?'

'Of everything going to shit again Nicky. If we went to shit again, I wouldn't be able to cope again. She doesn't know the things I did when we broke up, no one does. I can't go back to it.'

Nicky was genuinely starting to sympathise for Piper – she knew she was fucked. Her head was mess, her past had creeped up on her whilst her future looked like a heterosexual filled piece of shit.

'Look Piper, I don't know, do what you think best. What I can tell you is that there is a broken hearted girl laying at home lonely as fuck and wishing she was with you. Do with that what you will.'

_This is it – the perfect time to agree to throw this mediocre life away and retreat back into the safety of the raven haired beauty's arms. Why was that a concept Piper just couldn't bring herself to choose?_

'I'm sorry Nicky.' Piper gathered her things and departed the Coffee shop. It was almost as though she enjoyed making life miserable for herself. She headed back into work to continue her normal job, before she would embark on the normal Subway journey home to her normal fiancé with their normal relationship – she _would_ learn to settle for normal.

It had been a little over a week since the blonde's ultimatum and Alex still felt as empty as ever. She'd thrown three parties – all of which had ended the same. Random girls noticing her changed demeanour and offering consolation in the means Alex knew best – sex. Of course she accepted, why wouldn't she? Alex was a single woman now – free to do as she pleased. Only they never seemed to make it to the bedroom. Her record was making it to the bedroom door before yelling at whatever girl had become that infatuated with her that evening to get out; no one was Piper. No one could fill the achingly evident void in Alex's heart.

She wasn't used to this – she couldn't stand feeling so fucking helpless. Alex wasn't used to being the runt of the litter – she'd always been the leader of the pack.

Nine days. That's how long it took Alex to realise the world wouldn't stop just because hers had come crashing down. There was business to be done, girls to fuck and alcohol to be consumed. Feeling strangely motivated, Alex finally pulled herself out of bed and dressed herself up. She didn't need to make much of an effort to impress her colleagues but today, she needed it. Allowing her eyeliner to be a little sharper than usual and her lipstick to be a little bolder than usual; Alex climbed into her gleaming black Mercedes feeling euphoric – Piper Chapman had broken her down, but Alex Vause was about to build herself right back up.

Planning a wedding was stressful. Planning a wedding that was happening in a little over three weeks was ridiculously off the scales stressful. Whilst Piper and Larry seemed to be rekindling their sparks, the anxiety levels were constantly running high. Larry had suggested leaving it to a wedding planner but Piper flat out refused, saying the stress was apparently 'part of the experience'.

It was the one day Piper had actually been looking forward to out of all this; wedding dress fitting day. She and Polly met at 9am prompt in order to grab a Starbucks and breakfast before they headed to the parlour for the final changes. 'Pipes, I honestly can't believe it!' Polly squealed, 'you're actually getting married!'

_Piper had gone round to Polly's the night after she broke things off with Alex. It was a night consisting of rom-coms, a lot of wine and a lot of tears. Polly gratefully sat and provided a shoulder to cry on whilst Piper cried herself dry due to all the happenings of the previous few days. She finally had a release; finally, she was able to cry away all the toxicity that had taken over her mind frame. Polly assured her she wasn't a bad person; everyone gets sucked in too deep sometimes, and the fact Piper broke it off amended all of that. She was also sure to emphasise her disgusting amount of excitement with regards to finally being able to walk her best friend down the aisle. They'd dreamt of this since they were kids – always planning every intricate detail of their weddings together and now it was finally happening. _

'Me neither Pol, me neither' Piper replied, with a bit more concern than she expected. The pair hurried their breakfasts down before practically running to the parlour – they wanted everything to be perfect. Having both booked the day off work, they knew there was absolutely no rush, which hopefully meant every minute detail would be perfect.

Greeted by an overly eager women who held herself in a seemingly unapproachable manor whilst drinking coffee through a straw, excusing her actions as she'd apparently just had her teeth bleached; the duo were quickly led to the back where they were greeted with the show of Piper's dress of choice. Having done a bit of hunting, the dress Piper tried on a few days prior had been perfect and she knew it; a simple neckline mermaid tail design completed with a small sweep train that fitted her figure perfectly; hugging her in all the right places complete with a scattering of crystals revolving mainly in the chest area, Piper knew this was the dress of her dreams.

Hurrying into the changing room, dress in hand, Piper quickly removed her clothes before carefully stepping into the dress and pulling it up her delicate frame. Having carefully adjusted it, she finally lay eyes on herself in the almost-finished product; she looked beautiful. 'PIIIIIIIIIIPER! HURRY! I'M GETTING IMPATIENT!' to this, she couldn't help but allow a small chuckle to leave her lips; she loved how excited and involved Polly had become in her wedding, especially on such short notice. Carefully bundling a trail of the dress in her left hand, Piper emerged from the fitting room – the main parlour was silent as she did so, suddenly filling with gasps from both Polly and the owner of the establishment; Miss Figueroa. With a slight tear beginning to form in her eye, Polly attempted to draw a coherent sentence together to describe the sheer beauty that stood in front of her, much to no avail.

A comfortable silence strewn momentarily over the trio; both her friend and her acquaintance simply too busy drinking in the lavish sight of Piper Chapman in her wedding dress to speak. 'Oh my god Pipes,' Polly finally pulled herself out of her staring, 'you look fucking beautiful, in fact you look beyond beautiful, you look perfect!' running up to hug her, Piper quickly shooed Polly away, fearing the possibility of even a speck of dirt coming into contact with this pristine, pure piece of art. 'Sorry Pol, nothing personal, I just can't risk getting this perfect dress ruined!' _This was the push she needed – finding the perfect dress was exactly the confidence boost that Piper needed for this wedding. Everything was going to be okay. _

Having had enough attention for one afternoon, Piper allowed Miss Figueroa to mark any slight, final changes she deemed necessary on her notepad before snapping a quick picture of Piper on her phone, 'this is just too beautiful to not put on the website Piper – your fiancé is one lucky guy!' Piper felt her cheeks turn a sharp shade of red; appreciating the confidence boost that she really would look beautiful come her fateful day.

Slipping back into the fitting room and sliding the dress off as gently as she put it on, Piper placed it back in its bag before putting her casual attire back on; _as much as she adored her dress and having the opportunity to play princess, nothing beat getting changed into the comforts of her black skinny jeans and oversized jumper; just thick enough to keep any New York chill away. _Finally returning to the front of the shop, Piper agreed to make the final payments for her dress once the alterations had been done – which would hopefully be some time in the next week. Thanking Miss Figueroa for all her work and honesty, the pair headed out arm in arm to run the rest of their errands.

Having been left stunned in the coffee shop, still slightly fuming, Nicky turned the key into the lock before easing the door to the house open – careful not to disturb Red. As though she had a sixth sense, the short woman with an intimidating demeanour made her way down the stairs. 'Ah you,' her Russian roots shone through strong whenever she spoke, 'I'm so glad you finally decided to grace me with the presence of your sober self!' Nicky rolled her eyes at that remark_; whilst she wasn't her biological mother, Nicky still couldn't help but feel like a vulnerable child whenever Red passed any sarcastic comments about her 'problems'. _'Hey mommy, I'm sorry – Alex has a lot of shit going on right now and I dunno, I just had to be there for her. Not my fault she decided to fill her void with lots and lots of parties!' 'Oh Nicky you're such a good friend, but please just be careful' 'You know me ma, I always am' with that, the pair allowed her words to linger; knowing there was a double meaning to that but both deciding to take it at face value – the mood stayed sweet as Nicky headed up to her room to lose herself in various David Bowie records.

3 business meetings and 2 FaceTime deals later, Alex was feeling on top of the world. She was good at what she did – distributing artwork from all up and coming artists; giving them their big break. It made her feel good knowing she was helping people's dreams become reality; getting into this business made a sense of achievement bubble in her – she just wanted to give people the break she perhaps never got. It took her from 9am up until her 1pm lunch break before she thought of Piper. Pulling out her phone to no messages from her made her stomach drop. _Alex couldn't stop wondering; wondering what she was doing, how she was feeling, whether she was happy. Everything felt uneasy being in this pit of unknowing. _

Alex fumbled for a few moments, staring at a phone screen reflecting a blank message that would on its way to Piper – deciding that she was better than that fucking bitch who broke her heart, Alex put her phone away, busied herself with work and made an internal promise to herself not to think of Piper for the rest of the day.

Another week passed and Piper still hadn't heard from Alex. She felt guilty; knowing she should probably text her to check she was okay. Ever since her confrontation with Nicky, Piper couldn't get the image of Alex curled over with nothing but a bottle of vodka to console herself. She felt sick knowing she was the cause of it. The wedding was looming over her, and whilst she was finally beginning to be excited, Alex still managed to contort herself to fit in all Piper's thought trains.

Both having the day off, her and Larry decided to go through the various paper work that accompanied organising a wedding. Whilst Larry read out names of guests who'd confirmed they could attend, Piper scanned the pages of lists for their names before ticking them off. Inside some of the invitations to Piper's nearest and dearest were separate invites for her hen night, a night in which she hoped her sneaky planning would pay off.

Giving up after two hours of checking and double checking the appropriate names were ticked off as well as everyone's specific requirements for the day, Larry was first to huff and puff before exasperating his need for Chinese food. Piper pounced on this opportunity – vowing this would be her final takeout before she became Mrs Larry Bloom, in fear she wouldn't fit into her dress, Piper ordered a banquet for two just for herself. _This is the good life._

It was the obnoxiously loud dropping of various parcels and letters that awoke Alex. Receiving mail always made her happy in a weird sense – it made her feel important. Quickly awakening from her, yet again, Piper filled sleep, Alex pulled on her navy satin robe that lay at the foot of her bed before making her way towards the pile of various letters sitting at the bottom of her door. _Bill, bill, clothes parcel, jewellery parcel, bill, bi-_ something that didn't belong in that pile had somehow ended up there. The penmanship was curvy and elegant – much like one she adored to find scrambled around various hotel rooms many years ago. Running her fingers delicately over the envelope, in fear of accidentally tearing it or damaging it somehow, Alex dropped to the floor; her heart was pounding knowing who this was off. Unsure how to handle this situation, Alex stole a glance at her simple wristwatch – _10:05. _Nicky would surely be awake by now, right? Uncaring of the possibility she wasn't, Alex pulled her phone out of the robe pocket and quickly dialled her number.

'And to what do I owe the pleasure of this fucking wakeup call?' a groggy voice answered at the other end,

'Okay so imagine this – you get woken up to the post and a shit tonne of clothes and jewellery and bills arrive-'

'Sounds thrilling; cut to the point'

'Ok so amidst all of those things there's a pale pink envelope addressed to yours truly,'

'No shit Vause, who'd you think it'd be addressed to? The Wizard of Oz?'

'Nichols serious head on for five minutes. That's all I ask.' Alex was flustered at the sheer possibility of what could be contained within the envelope, 'I don't know what this is or why she felt the need to revert back to the 17th century and write to me, but I don't think I can open it.'

'And I come into all of this where?' Nicky's patience was clearly running thin,

'Fuck you, you're my best friend and you're meant to coach me through this sorta shit, please?' Alex desperately needed guidance – she didn't know whether opening this was the best idea, but the not knowing was killing her.

'Just fucking open it you pussy, I'll stay on the line' with shaking hands, Alex carefully flipped the delicate letter over and began to tear away the seal. A few stray pieces of confetti and glitter escaped its thin confines as her patience grew thin and she reverted to ripping it open as though her life depended on it. 'You have got to be fucking kidding me', Alex's tone went from sad to angry to confused all in the space of 10 seconds,

'What is it? A letter about how much of a bitch she is and why she's so sorry and how much she misses your pussy? That kinda thing?'

'Quite the fucking opposite', in Alex's hands laid an obnoxiously happy wedding invitation – courtesy of the 'Soon to be Mr and Mrs Bloom, 'guess who just got invited to the fucking WASPYest wedding of the fucking year'

'Shit, Chapman actually had the balls to invite you? And not me?! Man that bitch is twisted' the line remained silent whilst Alex toyed the invite in her hand. Everything about it felt dirty and wrong, it should be her and Piper making plans for their future, not Piper and some fucking lame ass who her parents agree with. It wasn't until she accidentally tipped the envelope did two other pieces of paper fall out. 'Wait, it gets better – there's more' quickly skimming over the first piece of paper, Alex quickly deciphered she'd also been invited to Piper's hen night, 'wow Nichols I'm invited to the hen do as well! Wow she just really wants to fucking rub it in my face doesn't she?!' the second piece of paper took the form of the letter Alex had been silently praying for. It was the first piece of communication the dark haired woman had had with the blonde since that god damn shitty ass afternoon.

_Alex,_

_I know what you're thinking right now, and I can only assure you I'm thinking it too. I've fucked up, badly. I ran away when shit got real again. It would appear making shitty decisions is becoming my forte. Please don't think I've invited you out of spite or to twist the knife in anymore – because it really isn't like that. I just wanted this as a way for us to finally sort ourselves out and gain some closure. Feel free to attend either events, oh and bring Nicky too – I kinda need to speak to her as well. If you fancy it, just text me. I hope you're looking after yourself Alex, I miss you._

_All the best, _

_Piper._

Nicky could hear the cries escaping Alex's lips from the other end of the phone – she didn't know what had happened. Attempting to wrap her head around the fact her psycho ex-girlfriend had the audacity to not only invite her to the wedding, but _not_ invite Nicky, she let her best friend have her moment of wallowing. 'So, do I wanna know what else was in that letter or?'

'She wrote to me, saying the wedding would be a good time to gain closure. _GOD_ I am just so fucking done with her fucking mind games I can't take it anymore.' Alex let a silence wash over her as her eyebrows furrowed in an attempt to not imagine Piper's bambi eyes boring at her, convincing her to come. 'You're invited by the way,' Nicky's brain started ticking at the invite.

'Shit, I am?! Well then Vause you're a fucking lucky girl! RSVP that shit – we're going. I may just have a plan.'

**A/N: Sooooo here we go; everything is finally getting interesting! I don't know when I'll next update as sixth form is already piling on dreaded revision/homework/uni applications etc but I promise to try and make it within the next week! Read and review if you're feeling kind. Until next time. X **


	10. Never Take The Sun Away

**A/N: I feel like I'm constantly apologising for the delays between updates, but I really am sorry – sixth form is slowly killing me off! Also can I just say thank you so much for helping this fic get over 100 follows; the reaction to this has been nothing but positive and it means more than you know! Anyway, enough rambling – here's chapter 10. X**

**10.**

**12 days to go. **The stress of the ever approaching day was beginning to weigh heavy on Piper; having never felt so unorganised nor out of control control in her life, she did what Chapman's naturally do – run away from their troubles. It was 11am, 12 days before she was set to hand herself over to Larry; _the alleged love of her life, _whilst she should be busy preparing final details for things such as the wedding meals, ensuring the bridesmaids dresses were all finalised and ready, her and Polly were coursing through the compacted roads to a Spa in Manhattan. _Everyone deserves a little break now and then. _Wanting to add to the cliché of driving with the roof of Polly's convertible down, _regardless of the fact a scatter of dark grey clouds were making their presence known overhead_, the pair were screeching along to 'Shake It Off' as it blasted through the car radio. 'God Pipes, I can't believe this is really happening! You're actually getting married!' _Piper's stomach didn't drop as much upon hearing that statement, she was slowly coming round to the idea of marriage. Better late than never. _Finally turning off into a more secluded area, the pair shortly arrived at their destination; rolling freely up a long path that eventually turned into loose stones sharp enough to puncture a tire, Polly refused to drive any further before turning off the cars ignition without a second thought. Greeted by an extravagant building looking like it belonged in the most upper class cities, Piper and Polly allowed a moment to drink in the exterior before slowly making their way into _Aire Ancient Baths Spa_.

The woman behind the reception counter was of small build; a face that looked as though it belonged on the cover of a glossy magazine accompanied with a mask of light make-up looking as though it'd been done by a professional flashed a toothy smile at the pair. 'Welcome to Aire Ancient Baths Spa, I'm Maritza. Do you have reservations?' Her accent was foreign, although the pair couldn't quite place its origin. Polly immediately took over, unwilling to disclose the true extent of their visit to Piper – it was a surprise that turned out to be not that much of a surprise thanks to Larry accidentally blurting out the arrangements the night before. Before long, another girl, going by the name of Flaca, who's voice was laced thick with that unrecognizable foreign tongue appeared to lead the duo into a changing room – handing them both a thin cotton robe accompanied with soft, comfortable slippers, she explained for them both to get changed, pour themselves a glass of champagne provided and relax before beginning their treatments.

Piper felt at ease with the world; maybe it was the bubbly, bitter taste that was currently lingering on her lips or all the yoga she had recently been partaking in. _She was beginning to be almost thankful for her colleague Yoga Jones' constant nagging about needing to soothe her zen before marriage. _Raising her glass in cheers, the smile that was playing on the edge of Piper's lips was genuine for what felt like that first time in forever – 'To us, to the future, to me being finally fucking happy' she cried out. Polly met her glass a few inches above their heads as they continued to change into the provided garments; finally feeling as though they were getting their lives together.

'It's strange isn't it? How things can just change in an instant? One minute you're on cloud 9; your whole life ahead of you – then bam! You're in pieces doing things you never saw yourself having the guts to do', this was not the conversation Alex wanted to be having at barely nine thirty in the morning with a woman whose name she couldn't recall.

_Dealing with things the way she knew best, Alex took it upon herself to get absolutely shit faced mortal in order to be able to process the happening of that day. Throughout the remainder of it, Alex tried time and time again to muster up the courage to text Piper; she just couldn't. She didn't know what she was agreeing to. Confirming the invitation meant she was okay to close this chapter in her life when it had only just been torn open again – she wasn't ready to do that just yet. It felt only yesterday Piper was bringing her into that familiar embrace she'd grown accustomed to in the middle of the graveyard whilst she wept over the loss of her mother, her love and also herself. They had only just been allowed to rekindle their spark; the thought of being forced to cease it was ridiculously unfair. This was the side of Piper that absolutely infuriated Alex – the indecisive, scaredy cat side. Alex was all too aware she had the balls in that relationship, but it didn't excuse Piper's lack of ability to really choose what she truly desired. Knowing her love more than anyone else – Alex knew that she was who Piper truly wanted; it was the fear of her parents disproval, of the unknown that came alongside being with Alex that made her second guess that. If only Alex had a chance to prove herself, just one last time._

_It was late, Nicky had resigned to bed alas Alex had other ideas. Making herself up to be that impressionable, intimidating, hot as fuck woman she knew she could be, she downed a few swigs of straight vodka before heading out to lose herself in an array of alcoholic beverages and women. Her night was treating her well; people were intrigued by her. The way her signature bright, bold lipstick stood out against her porcelain skin drew both men and women in. Girls hung off her; she never spent a dime whenever she embarked out – much to her company's jealousy. Girls were practically throwing shots in her face (which she of course accepted). It was an hour or two before Alex had finally settled on a girl she was drunk enough to deal with bringing home. She was pretty, averagely pretty, but pretty none the less. Brown hair reaching only her shoulders, brown eyes that seemed about as mundane as her drunken personality as well as a body most girls envied; legs that went on for days and perky breasts peeked over the dress that acted as a second skin for her. She was exactly what Alex needed. _

_Whilst guiding this girl on the short-ish walk from the bar to Alex's apartment; that was when she knew the time was right. Pulling out her phone, she finally gained access to her messages after a few attempts of drunkenly entering her pass code. 'I'll be there.' That was it; she'd agreed to meet Piper. No going back now._

The rest of the night was a blissful blur to Alex – they'd slept together, she knew that much. Right now however, her focus was on getting this stranger out of her bed, out of her apartment as quickly as she could. Within the half an hour Alex had been awake, she'd learnt the girls life story; suddenly divorced as her husband had just upped and left, _Alex could really see why,_ she was yet to have children, she was stuck in a 9-5 job and was all round nowhere near as appealing without the beer goggles Alex so obviously had on last night. Having mastered the art of tuning people out, Alex spent the majority of the strangers story time working out exactly how you ask someone whose name you cannot remember to leave your premises. 'Yeah, great ok. I have work, uh, last night was fun. Can you just get your stuff and go? I'll call you ok.' _Wow, smooth Vause. Reaaaaal smooth. _The look that quickly spread across the strangers face could only be described as priceless; a mixture of true shock and offense grew rapidly – clearly misunderstanding why this was happening. 'You're kidding, right?' _Ugh, one of those ones. _'Does my face look like I'm joking?' Alex quickly retorted. _It was such an ungodly hour to be awake for her, not to mention her hangover made her feel as though a legion of elephants were currently stampeding through her head. _'You're a bitch, fuck you,' 'I think you'll find you already did that.' Unable to hide the smirk that lingered on her lips as the stranger's face suddenly went from white to scarlet red, Alex praised herself for that one. 'Kid, I'm not gonna lie to you, I don't even know your name.' As though she finally got through to her, the still nameless woman quickly shot out of bed before bundling her clothes in her hands and storming to the bathroom to get changed out of the bed cover that was currently shielding her naked body.

Alex welcomed the silence as though it was a quickly new experience for her. She didn't have to go into work until later – but she really couldn't wait to be rid of that woman. _God, _she mentally cursed herself, _I have got to stop doing this. _The now raging woman eventually emerged from the bathroom. Poking her head round the door of Alex's bedroom, it was as though she took one last chance to drink in the seemingly flawless sight that was Alex Vause naked before exasperatingly crying out 'My name's Sylvie, alright? Asshole!' With that, Alex heard the slam of the front door echo throughout the house. _Good riddance. _It was still too early for the now sorely hungover women to justify being awake; turning over back into her now thankfully empty bed, she attempted to relax before dropping back off to sleep.

**8 days to go. **It appeared that the main focus of everyone's up and coming calendars was Piper's hen party. It was all everyone could talk about; big events such as a wedding as well as the run up to them were few and far between – so on the off occasions they did occur, everyone was sure to go all out. _Piper had to admit, she quite enjoyed being the talk of the office; apart from when she was the newbie of the establishment, she'd remained rather under the radar. It was nice to have people have something to say about her for once. _Still feeling rather in touch with her inner peace from the spa day, everything seemed to be going well in Piper's life – the rollercoaster ride appeared to be coming to a gradual halt before being shot up in a few days.

_Having finally changed into their required robes, alongside consuming enough champagne the familiar gentle buzz was coursing through them; Piper and Polly retreated to their first treatment of the day – a hot tub relaxation hour. Calming meditation music filled every inch of the room as the pair undone their robes before sliding into the pool. 'Shit Pol, this is the good life' Piper whispered as she felt the welcoming feeling of the just-at-the-right-temperature water trickle firstly against her ankles. Slowly submerging herself completely in the water, Piper could feel her muscles relax as the warm water continued to splash over her. Closing her eyes, it was as though her qualms evaporated with the steam upon entering this room. Everything felt so tranquil, so neutral. Piper swore she could kiss Polly for organising this – it was exactly what she needed. The thought of whether Alex would attend the hen night still weighed heavy in the forefront of her mind. Piper could deny the consistent checking of her phone – always eagerly awaiting Alex's contact name to shine bold indicating she'd RSVP'd, but it was yet to happen. Wanting a complete escape, Piper put her phone on airplane mode before going to bed last night; Polly wouldn't need to contact her, and if she did, she had Larry's number. The feeling of being cut off completely from the world was a welcome escape; it was nice to forget about the amount of emails weighing heavy in her phones storage, simply begging to be opened. _

Having a relatively calm day allowed Piper to lurk around the staff room for a little while longer than usual. Floating throughout the idle conversations taking place around her, she cherished in the sense of community this work place held, never had she felt so welcomed and home within an occupation quite like this. It was the talk of the wedding dress that pulled her out of the daydream state she'd unintentionally slipped into it; Piper's unwillingness to reveal any grand details regarding the dress was beginning to drive her female colleagues insane. 'Come _on_ Piper, stop being such a bore!' Yoga Jones cried out, 'just tell us _something, _we're dying over here kid!' _She hadn't been called that since she was around Alex; it felt wrong for that nickname to spill from anyone else's lips. Shit, she'd vowed not to allow the dark, alluring woman dominate her thoughts today. _Having gathered quite an audience, Piper began to feel slightly pressured into spilling details – she just didn't see the rush when the wedding was only 8 days away now. 'Ok fine, you want a clue?' the cluster of women furiously nodded their heads in unison, 'it's white.' Her attempt of humour earned nothing but a gather of eye rolls and groans; 'fuck you Chapman!' one woman cried out. 'Sorry, but you'll just have to make your inpatient little asses wait eight more days,' feeling smug, Piper turned on her heels, coffee in hand and headed back to her desk space – satisfied with how many colleagues she'd managed to piss off so far.

Plonking herself back on her chair, Piper finally decided to turn her phone back on. _Having been dropped off late evening by Polly, who was thankfully designated driver for that night, Piper felt simply too content and relaxed to bother building more knots in her back over the stress of unanswered emails thus decided her phone could continue to be switched off until the following morning. The business wouldn't fall apart without her for one more day. _Allowing the stream of notification alerts to flood the acoustics of the confined space, Piper silently prayed there'd be at least one reply sitting amongst the alerts off the one person who was seemingly consuming both her thoughts and energy. Much to both her delight and anxiety, there it was; the banner notifying her Alex had replied. Now faced with a dilemma, Piper was unsure whether to read it now or once at home – she was happy, in a good mood; the uncertainty revolving around the nature of the reply threatened to ruin that.

Toying the device between her nimble hands, it took a grand total of three minutes before Piper eventually caved and slid the banner right in order to open it; slowly entering the passcode, a wave of doubt continued to crash through her mind – she knew this reply would make or break her entire attitude towards the upcoming events. _Piper resented Alex for still having this much of a hold over, but also herself for allowing the one person who knew her like the back of her hand to slip away. _Closing her eyes whilst inhaling, it took a few seconds before Piper had the courage of reading the text. '_I'll be there.'_ Piper withdrew the breath; relief washed over her. She was just relieved to have another excuse to see Alex.

**3 days to go – Hen Party Day. **

Whilst the wedding was still 3 sleeps away, tonight was deemed equally as important. Her last night out as Piper Chapman was evidently important to a lot of people – the sight of 'bride to be' banners graced her as she entered her work space. Her colleagues really did want to go all out. Heading for the staffroom to laugh at their evidently ridiculous efforts, a cup of coffee complete with a straw adoring a plastic dick perched on the tip was not what she'd anticipated as a greeting. 'CHAPMAN, ARE YOU FUCKIN READY FOR TONIGHT?' one of the Hispanic women cried out. She couldn't help but laugh – Piper cherished this sense of belonging her work mates had created for her; she felt privileged to be thought so highly of by women she'd only known just over a year. Bringing the cup to her lips, stealing a slight sip of the contents, Piper's face contorted into one of disgust, 'is there alcohol in this?!' an echo of laughter erupted at this, what Piper believed to, fairly innocent comment. 'Of course there is Chapman!' Big Boo bellowed, 'it's your fucking hen night, we're getting waaaaaasted', the women continued to laugh, and for once in her life, Piper refused to be the sensible WASP she'd been raised to be; today she'd decided would be the day she'd break the rules, let her hair down and have some fun.

Spirits remained light for the rest of the day. The females in on the happenings of tonight continued sneaking various spirits into their coffees whilst Healy continued to turn a knowing blind eye; _it was a miracle to have him on board, he's usually the world's biggest crank when it comes to employees having some fun. Piper thanked herself for making such a valiant impression on the man. _On their break, a game involving all the workers on their floor of 'pin the tail on the Piper' had been arranged. Whilst under the influence of coffees that had slightly more alcohol in than initially intended, it proved to be a great laugh for those slightly intoxicated; those who were stone cold sober thus blissfully unaware remained perplexed at their co-workers unusual behaviour.

_As grateful as she was, the fact that Piper would be graced with Alex's presence tonight still rained heavy in the forefront of her mind; she had so much anxiety regarding it. She didn't know how on earth to handle it – what to say or how to act. Knowing she'd need to hatch a plan before facing the situation, Piper continued to pour the flask of whiskey provided into her coffee in attempts to forget about it for now. This was a good day; Piper didn't want to spoil it. _

Alex awoke full of unease that morning; today had been one she'd been dreading ever since she discovered it was occurring. It took her an hour to find the strength to pull herself out of bed; she wasn't depressed, rather just apprehensive to allow today to progress. Getting up meant time continued to tick closer to the time she'd be in Piper's presence; the apprehension was killing her. _She found herself pleading for Piper to suddenly change her mind and take her back. Nothing felt the same without her; the lack of secret meetings and the fact her scent was once again slowly fading from her possessions, Alex couldn't bare it. _

Whilst brooding over her first cup of coffee that day, Alex's door was met with an eager knock, _Nicky._ Walking nonchalantly to grant her best friend entrance, she was slightly taken aback at the fact she practically skipped into the building. Taking her into a hurried embrace, Nicky appeared to have come with an agenda. 'VAUSE MY LADY MY LESBIAN, TODAY IS THE DAY,' completely confused with what Nicky was on about, Alex raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow towards her, 'Nichols what the fuck are you talking about?' 'VAUSE TODAY IS THE DAY WE GET YOU YOUR GIRL BACK!' _Her incessantly loud tone was making Alex want to gauge her eyes out; it was far too early in the day to be dealing with Nicky's lack of volume control. _That outburst was enough to land an angered look upon Alex's face; she didn't appreciate being messed with. 'Nichols, whatever the fuck you have planned, forget it. Me and Piper are going to talk, and I don't know if you've noticed but this is her HEN PARTY, the thing people do before they get MARRIED, meaning I have absolutely NO CHANCE of that happening.' Nicky shot her friend a smirk, _oh how she loved a challenge, '_If you say so Vause. I'm bringing Lorna tonight by the way – I don't care whether Piper agrees or not, I can't deal with being the only homo there whilst you and Chapman have make up sex in the toilets.' Alex shot her that look again – she knew how serious Nicky was being and she hated it, purely because she couldn't stray any further from the truth.

The group staggered out of the office at closing hours. With a day filled of pre-pre drinks, they were satisfyingly drunk enough to have emerged into the party spirit, anticipating the positive, exciting night ahead. Everyone that is, except for Piper. She felt sick at the prospect of tonight; the closer it got, the more she wished it wasn't happening. The thought of seeing Alex whilst she was getting ready to kiss away the non-married life made her heart twist. Everything felt so unfair; for once Piper was beginning to realise the wrongness of her actions, _better late than never._

Willing the negativity and doubts that were currently plaguing her, she continued to stumble her way to the hotel her colleagues had rented for the night to begin getting ready. It was nothing fancy; just something that meant they didn't have to worry about designated drivers or getting home tonight – they were finally allowed to have a night off. Having all strategically booked the following day off work; _funny how a group of ten could all simultaneously have doctors and dentist appointments on the same day, isn't it? _They were free to drink what and when they liked.

The 10 minute walk turned into a half an hour trek; having stopped to laugh at a member of the group who'd seemingly tripped over as the challenge of walking over uneven streets with too much Vodka flowing through her was just too much. Finally arriving, they all threw their belongings, leaving them wherever they so happened to land and poured themselves a drink. Whoever had organised it had requested a few bottles of their finest champagne in light of the celebratory mood, and they intended to have it all gone by the time they arrived at their designated party venue.

Drink at the ready, Alex finally admitted defeat and began getting ready. Butterflies scrambled amongst her stomach; she really didn't want to attend tonight. Everything felt doomed; like tonight would simply slice open wounds that were just started to scab. Ignoring her gut instinct, she flicked the switch of her curling iron on before proceeding to sift through her wardrobe for something to wear. Wanting to impress, but not wanting to look like she'd made too much of an effort, Alex finally decided on a royal blue off the shoulder body con dress that sat comfortable mid-thigh, not to mention the fact it hugged her in all the right places; this was it. This dress flaunted all her assets and made her feel good – she knew that was half the battle of tonight.

Continuing to sip nervously at the double malt whiskey she'd poured herself, Alex began to manage the task of curling her hair into an acceptable style; loose curls that draped accordingly over her chest – drawing attention to her modest breasts. _She was pulling out all the stops tonight in order to impress Piper – show her what she really was missing out on. _Satisfied with her hair, she went on to apply a thin layer of make up; her eyeliner flicks were good tonight – not too bold but still brought out the crystal clear blue hues that were shielded by contact lenses tonight. Finally, her lips became covered in a slightly more subtle tone of red lipstick than usual tonight, she wanted to be able to talk to Piper whilst holding eye contact; not Piper staring at her lips – making the urge to kiss her harder to resist.

She decided to wait until both Nicky and Lorna arrived before putting her dress on, thus continued to lounge around in her sweats. Finally reverting to delving into a book in a pathetic attempt to not only calm her nerves but to stop watching the clock, Alex remained distracted for the moment.

It was about an hour until they were set to depart; the room was chaotic. A group of women attempting to hog every accessible space of reflective surface possible was always set to be trouble – but they'd never imagined this. A group of four crouched over the main, full length mirror in the main bedroom whilst 3 over the bathroom mirror – the remaining three simply continued to drink whilst the rush died down. Piper was reaching the point of intoxication now; her body felt fuzzy and her head felt numb. _Good. _Having previously done her make up prior to the rush, she was able to continue to sit and drink the time away. Deciding on a black body con dress splattered with patterns of grey, Piper decided it was best waiting until last minute before putting it on – in fear of spilling anything down it.

With music booming out of the surround sound speakers, the mood was very much uplifting.

_I am a fire, you're gasoline,  
Come pour yourself all over me  
We'll let this place go down in flames only one more time_

Allowing the steady bass to pump through her, Piper joined the few girls who'd taken to dancing at the foot of one of the beds provided. _The lyrics couldn't help but revert her mind back to Alex – suddenly overcome with worry; Piper was filled with anxiety about coming face to face with her for what she feared would be the final time. _

Precisely four glasses of whiskey, four shots of tequila and two vodka and cokes each later, the trio embarked into the night; all filled with apprehension for the events that were waiting to be drawn out. Nicky had informed Lorna the happenings of tonight – she completely empathised with Alex; going on to explain how she'd been in a situation similar with a man named Christopher before she'd met Nicky.

'Man I cannot remember the last time I was this fucking wasted before even getting to a party' Nicky slurred. With Lorna's arm in hers, Alex accompanying her other side, she was momentarily able to forget the impending doom that was awaiting her best friend tonight and just soak in the happiness she was currently experiencing.

Finally arriving at their destination; the hen party were greeted to a platter of varying drinks with varying degrees of strength; of course they all opted for the strongest spirits available. The venue was nice; a sophisticated club that was yet to reach its peak. The business of the club was irrelevant however – with colleague Brooke Soso booking them all a VIP booth for the special occasion. An employee unclipped the red rope, granting them all access to their playground for tonight. With a steady flow of alcohol as well as rhythmic pumping of a constant bass greeting them, the party continued to embark in a game of 'Laughing Man' in which pairs would have to make noises whilst keeping a straight face – the one to break out into laughter was forced to take a shot. This continued for a while, until the presence of three visibly drunk women greeted the group.

_Piper swear she felt her heart immediately stop – she'd admittedly pushed the thought of Alex to the back of her head for the time being. Seeing her here, in the flesh, acted like a slap in the face._

Time felt as though it had stood still as the blonde and the brunette continued to lavish in the sight of each other; both desperate to rip the skin tight dresses they were both sporting but both painfully aware of the moral boundaries restricting that happening.

Piper nervously arose from her seat to introduce the trio to her colleagues, 'Uh, guys' _it wasn't until now did she realise just how drunk she was – she was beginning to struggle to get her words out. _'These are my friends Alex, Nicky and Lorna' _Piper was slightly confused by Lorna's presence, but she didn't mind. As long as Alex was here, the Queen of Sheba could turn up unnoticed for all she cared. _

Piper's colleagues failed to so much as bat an eyelid in apprehension before inviting the new girls into the group to continue playing their game.

Things continued for a while whilst Piper and Alex continued to be as far away from each other as possible whilst taking any opportunity they could to steal glances of one another. They somehow managed to lose sense of being whilst doing so, it wasn't until Nicky cried out did they snap out of their glares. 'CHAPMAN, YOU BLINKED – VAUSE WINS!' Nicky roared over the volume of the music, eliciting a choir of laughs from their company. Rummaging through her purse, she pulled out a cluster of candy necklaces, gaining a few confused looks. 'RIGHT MY LADIES, IT IS TIME FOR A NEW GAME!' handing her company a necklace each, she attempted to pull one over her wild mane that sat atop of her head – the rest of the ladies following her actions. 'THE AIM OF THIS GAME IS TO HAVE ALL OF YOUR BEADS EATEN OFF BY A...WAIT FOR IT…COMPLETE AND UTTER FUCKING STRANGER!' The nature of this game made all the women excited; they all simply loved daring games like these. 'WHOEVER GETS ALL THEIR CANDIES EATEN OFF FIRST, WINS! 3…2….1…GO!' With that, the group shot off out of the booth to begin their competition, leaving only a reluctant Alex and Piper.

_Nicky had previously explained her plan to Alex; she'd get the rest of the group involved in a game that would steal them away from the venue long enough for Alex and Piper to talk. Having first been apprehensive of this; Alex was now mentally praising Nicky and her never failing people skills_

'Soooo, Pipes' Alex stumbled on her words; everything felt hypersensitive. She didn't know whether it was the alcohol or the sheer nerves wracking through her, but she didn't want to mess this up. Sensing her apprehension, Piper slid a secretive hand over the top of Alex's that was resting on the edge of the table. _Piper was really, really fucking drunk. With enough liquid confidence in her, she vowed to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the fucking truth. _'Relax baby, its okay.' _Alex didn't know whether to pass this off as too much alcohol or genuine affection, _'Pipes, we need to ta-', before Alex could finish her sentence, she was met with crashing lips with the lingering remnants of Sambuca pleading for entry into her mouth. Instinctively granting Piper access, the pair continued to explore the realms of each-other's mouths; both begging for dominance. _God bless Nicky Nichols and her fiendish planning._

**A/N: Aaaaaand we'll leave it there! I'm really excited to write the next few chapters, and hopefully you're all excited to read them. As always leave a review if you're feeling generous. X **


	11. Never Bring The Dark Again

**A/N: The feedback this story never fails to put a smile on my face – thank you all so much for your continuously kind words + feedback. I'm so sorry if there are mistakes of any kind in this, or if it's not coherent/flowing, I proof read it whilst my eyes were basically closing but I am just super eager to get this chapter out. X**

**11.**

_Growing up, material possessions were a thing of little value to a kid whose' mum slaved over three different jobs to simply ensure that months' rent could be met. The school bell meant the greeting of a plethora of insults; 'Hey Pig Sty, your coat looks as though your mum fetched it out of a skip,' 'Poor kid, take a shower.' Of course, the comments had their advantages; allowing a ten year old Alex Vause to grow skin so thick even the oldest of Elephants would envy her. Having walls built so high, not even her mum could completely sabotage them, the prospect of allowing Piper Chapman to waltz into her life, disintegrating them completely, had always made Alex's stomach turn. Having Piper Chapman meant that for the first time Alex had something to lose. _

The two women continued to crash their mouths against each other; Alex's teeth hungrily found Piper's bottom lip, biting down it in a haze of pure lust. Sufficing a moan from the sensations currently coursing through her body, Piper hastily locked her dexterous fingers around Alex's slim wrist; dragging her away from the booth towards the toilets. Practically falling into the mediocrely decorated room, the feisty blonde marched the pair into the closest vacant stall. _It wasn't the four poster gleaming black bed that felt as though one was resting upon a cloud, nor was it a secluded steamy shower cubicle; but fuck it would have to do. _Stealing a glance at the taller woman emerald eyes, currently glistening with desire, Piper continued to dominate the happenings; forcefully pushing the raven haired beauty against the cold granite walls that now concealed their bubble, Piper continued attack her lovers neck; alternating between planting desperate kisses and solemn nips – leaving a track of red marks in her wake as though to show possession over Alex, Piper continued up to that spot just below her lovers earlobe; the one she knew drove her mental. Unable to completely get her head around the currently happenings, Alex instinctively reached for younger woman's chest; beginning to knead her small, perky breasts – becoming increasingly annoyed at the fabricated barriers preventing her from leaving her mark all over what she deemed rightfully hers.

Knowing time was anything but on their side, the two women got straight down to their intentions; Piper forcefully pulled the hem of Alex's dress above her black lace underwear, granting her easier access, before placing her knee between her love's thighs. 'Ugh _fuck_ Pipes letting slip a devilish grin, Piper knew exactly what she was doing to the older women. The role reversal had taken them both by surprise; having grown familiar to being dominated, the new found power only added to the growing heat in Piper's centre. Continuing to avoid the sweet centre she was so desperate to become reacquainted with, the blonde trailed her fingers over the Alex's stern hip bones, down to just above where Alex was so desperate to feel contact. 'P-pipes, please' Alex's voice could barely reach above a quiver; she'd missed the effect the blonde had on her. 'Tell me what you want then, baby' voice thick with lust, the blonde continued to toy with Alex's firm breasts; toying one perked nipple between finger and thumb whilst her other hand aimlessly wandered Alex's stomach; _this was a map Piper felt eager to once again become familiar with. _'Fuck me, please,' not needing to be told twice, the keen blonde travelled her hand south, gently slipping under the skimpy lace underwear matching that so obviously matched her bra. The sudden contact that had been so desperately craved elicited a throaty moan from the now shaking brunette; overcome with the pleasure that was travelling through every nerve end in her body. Basking in the reactions she was provoking from the older woman beneath her, Piper continued to trace a single finger up and down Alex's slick folds before tracing inexplicable patterns over her clit. 'Oh f-fuck Pipes – _fuck!' _Knowing they didn't have long before the remaining guests of the evening returned back to the booth, Piper unwillingly picked up the pace; continuing to hit that sweet spot whilst tracing kisses all up the brunettes neck. Feeling her walls tighten around her fingers, she continued the steady, firm actions until she felt Alex completely melt into her. Holding her lover as she came down from the sheer ecstasy that was her climax, the blonde protectively planted delicate kisses amongst Alex's forehead – _Piper was yet to feel anything negative from the events that had just unfolded. She'd been the one who'd instigated it – and for a reason. _

'Horrible, wasn't it?' Piper joked as she continued to hold her love whilst the effects of her climax finally died away. 'The worst' a shaky Alex whispered back, 'you're really bad at that.' The pair continued to sink into a tiresome embrace, allowing the happenings of the past few minutes to properly sink in. 'We should head back,' Piper spoke, a twinge of disappointment laced her tone. 'That we should,' taking the blonde by the hand, Alex unlocked the cubical door and led the duo back to the booth. Met by a bundle of disgustingly drunken women and a few questioning looks, both tried to slip into a seat as subtly as possible.

* * *

Whilst Piper attempted to keep up a cool façade in front of her now barely standing friends, she allowed them to gloat about who they got to bite the candies off their necklaces and how they went about doing it, Alex on the other hand was being completely ridiculed by a near-enough paralytic Nicky Nichols. 'Come ONNNNNN Vause, spppill the beans! Did y-you fuck her?' _Alex was surprised Nicky's eyes were even open right now; she'd completely lost the ability to speak coherently. '_Nichols, shut the fuck up. She fucked me, it was great, but it doesn't change the fact that she's getting married the day after tomorrow.' _The aftermath was beginning to set in, the alcohol was beginning to wear off ever so slightly, reality felt as though it was coming crashing down on her for nth time in the past few days. Alex watched as Piper continued to sip on her freshly made margarita, showing no signs of remorse for any of the events that had occurred in the past hour. She couldn't help but hope that perhaps destiny may change its course; maybe Piper Chapman will wake up tomorrow with the hangover from hell and reminisce about those forbidden moments they shared in that dingy toilet cubicle, from there perhaps she'll decide that in fact no Larry Bloom is not the love of her life – it's Alex, it always has been. Maybe, but maybe not. _

Amongst the process of planning out the life she'd lead with Piper by her side, should the blonde miraculously decide it has been her all along, Alex didn't notice the petite woman somehow glue herself to her side. Peering down, Piper looked good enough as gone; 'I think someone needs their bed,' Alex muttered, unable to resist rolling her eyes at the sorry state of the woman beneath her. _She never could handle tequila. _'No Al, I'm compleeetteeelllyyy fiiinneee' Piper's over emphasis on the final two words showed that clearly she was anything but. 'Sure you are kid, come on, you're staying at mine tonight.' The possibility of spending a night at the older woman's house made Piper's face instantly light up, 'but what about everyone here?' Piper had a point; she couldn't exactly disappear from her own hen party.

* * *

It took a few minutes of convincing, but finally Nicky alongside Lorna agreed to herd the rest of the women home sooner or later having seen Piper's current state. As Piper, slightly reluctantly, said both her goodbyes and thank you's to her colleagues for giving her such an amazing night, Nicky pulled Alex over to one side. 'This isn't just you being a good friend, is it Vause? What you got planned?' 'Nothing Nichols! She's just in a sorry state and will no doubt want a familiar face around when she wakes up feeling like death!' 'Yet somehow, I don't believe you. Whatever; go forth and fuck her – as long as you're happy. I love ya Vause, even if you are bat shit crazy!' Alex struggled to suppress a smirk; Nicky Nichols was never one for sentimentality, however she never failed to express a degree or two whilst intoxicated.

Finally, Alex was able to pull Piper away from her friends before leading her out of the bar and onto the streets of NYC. Both the swift departure of summer and the unwanted arrival of colder nights, the unpredicted temperature drop hit them both enough for the effects of the alcohol to slightly wear away. 'FUCK it's freezing' Piper exclaimed; she was currently leaning against the wall of a stingy looking take-away whilst Alex attempted to hail a cab. Finally, she succeeded. Telling the driver exactly where to go, she ignored the seatbelt light that was obnoxiously blearing in her line of vision and pulled Piper closer; she wasn't cold as such, rather being close to Piper just gave her the internal warmness she'd been deprived of for the past eight years. 'Al,' Piper's voice sounded heavy; as though she was beginning to slip into the depths of sleep that usually hit Piper should she drink so much, 'thank you for coming tonight.' 'My pleasure kid, as if I'd miss to see this sorry sight one last time,' Piper shifted away from Alex, much to her confusion. 'Don't speak like that,' 'Aaand you've lost me – like what kid?' 'Like tonight is the last time I'll see you. It won't be; it can't be. I love you Alex, I really fucking love you. I know I'm the master of handling things completely wrong, and yes I know I'm getting married the day after tomorrow but fuck I _love _you. You're all I think about when I go to bed, you're the first thought on my mind the moment I wake up. Nothing feels right without you; it's as though you're this mass whirlpool streaking the best kind of havoc in my life – you just aren't ready to disembark; I won't let you. I know I'm drunk and my words are probably slurring right now but god damn it Alex I fucking love you; I love you so much it aches. When your presence is missing, I feel incomplete. Yes I realise that is the biggest cliché to date, but I mean it – you're my missing piece; you're my person Al. It's as though we were just made for each other; what are the chances of us running into each other in the graveyard at that exact time? It's as though the universe decided it was a must for us to rekindle the fire we let go out between us.' At this point, the taxi had long arrived at their destination, tears were flowing freely downing Alex's face whilst Piper was sat trembling; slightly taken aback at the sheer depth of that revelation. Saying nothing, Alex shoved a cluster of bills in the taxi drivers hand, interwove her elegant fingers to fit Piper's and led her through the realms of her glorious living space, straight to her bedroom.

* * *

Saying nothing, Alex carefully removed Piper's dress, _albeit she struggled a little – Piper was very ticklish, and also very drunk. The two did not make a fine combination. _Continuing to dig out a worn out David Bowie t shirt, the older woman softly placed it over Piper's delicate frame before undressing herself. Once her top half was covered in an old t shirt, she gently pulled a trembling Piper down into the bed that now held a cluster of memories between the two. 'Pipes, look at me,' placing a single finger beneath Piper's chin so her head tilted towards her line of vision, Alex inhaled deeply, taking a second to gather her thoughts. 'Did you mean what you said back there? Do you honestly love me?' 'Is water wet?' Piper replied with a slight giggle. Simply rolling her eyes in response, Alex took that as a solid yes. _The two women continued to sit and stare at each other; this was one of the things Alex loved most about the pair – their ability to say so many things amongst a comfortable silence with just the glimmers in their eyes. _'What am I to do with you, Piper Elizabeth Chapman?' _an answer played on Piper's tongue – it was as though she'd suddenly become overthrown with a slight shyness, _'Kiss me.' Alex didn't need telling twice – she closed the gap between the pair, allowing her lips to once again collide with the blondes. _All of this felt so good, so right, so _**_normal._**_ Of course, Alex knew she'd wake up with a stinking hangover and a stomach full of regret, but she'd cross that bridge when she came to it. Tonight was about the two star crossed lovers as they'd been described as by a sweet old Spanish woman on one of their many embarks. Tonight was about showing Piper Chapman everything Alex had to give her._

* * *

And so, just as both women had dreaded, the morning after the night before dawned upon them much like their toxic hangovers. Piper awoke around 8am – completely disorientated as to where she was, and who she was in bed with. Unable to gather her thoughts quick enough, the blonde quickly found her body going into auto-pilot; scrambling out of the bed, jolting for the closest bathroom to throw the contents of her stomach up. A few gruelling, vomit filled moments later, Piper guided the stray strands of her that were now sticking to her sweat covered forehead back amongst the mass of bed-hair she was currently sporting. 'Fuck.' Slowly recognizing her surroundings, a myriad of feelings began to swim amongst her. She knew exactly where she was, more importantly, exactly whose arms she slept in last night.

'Rough night, huh kid?' _speak of the devil. _Piper continued to drink in the image of the woman she had tried so hard to disconnect herself from; the sight of her only half dressed, with milk bottle slim and graciously toned legs, Piper could feel the heat rising in the pit of her stomach. 'You could say that,' Piper immediately resumed her position of 'head over the toilet, vomiting all the tequila that was left in her stomach'. Having washed away with the taste of stale alcohol mixed with her stomach lining, Piper made her way out to the kitchen where she was thankfully met with smell of fresh brewed coffee. 'Here, it'll make you feel slightly more alive,' Alex continued to pour them both a cup, her eyes looking ever so desolate.

'So, how much can you recall from last night?' _The anxiety started brewing in Alex's stomach, she didn't know how she'd react whether Piper remembered or not. _'Honestly not a lot. I remember that fucking game with the candy necklaces, then I remember doing a tequila slammer or two, the rest of the night is a blur.' _Shit. _Piper caught the look of panic strike Alex's face; she knew there was a double meaning to her question. 'Shit, what happened? What am I not remembering?' _Piper desperately racked her long term memory, trying to surface any remnants of the previous night's happenings. _Alex let out a deep sigh, trying to think of the best way to approach this. 'Pipes, last night you dragged me into the bathroom; we fucked. I felt guilty, but fuck Pipes you were just coming onto me, I didn't have the will power to say no.' _Tears were forming in Piper's eyes, no doubt those of regret. '_You were fucked, like you could barely stand, so me being the good Samaritan I am,' _this earned her a playful shove from Piper – this was good, this was her way of defusing the situation. '_got you in a taxi back to my place, but when we were in the taxi I said something about how that was the last time I'd see your drunken performances…I don't know Pipes, you just confessed about how much you loved me, about how much you love me. I don't know where that leaves us.' Pipers mouth fell slightly agape at this revelation, never had she expected herself to pull quite the dramatic performance. 'Shit, Al – I don't know what to say.' _There's a surprise. _'Piper, now's your time to fucking choose. I'm sick of this merry-go-round shit, I'm getting off. I know how you feel about me, and you know very fucking well how I feel about you. Balls in your court kid. If you wanna go marry Barry and live the boring ass American dream of a boring ass married life with a boring ass sex life, then go ahead. I don't know what's going to happen with me however, that's the point of being with me. If you wanna have babies and remodel your bathroom, then please go; do – _nest._ If you wanna do X on a beach Cambodia with three strangers in drag, now I'm not saying that's a certainty, but it could, then fucking pack up and leave him Piper. No one in a happy relationship spills their feelings to their ex on their hen night.' For once, Piper Chapman was lost for words. No intellectual correction to make about the way someone presented their words, no snide remark, nothing. All she could do was sit and bask in how right everything Alex had just said to her was.

* * *

A feeling of claustrophobia washed over the blonde the longer she stayed in the house. This house, the house that was a home to Alex, was strangely starting to feel like home to her too. She hated it – Alex had always been her home. No words had been exchanged since Alex's speech, none needed to. They both knew the outcome; Piper would continue being a coward, she would walk down that aisle tomorrow, she would become Piper Bloom; consequently, she would throw away the woman who has single handily brought her the most happiness in years.

'I-I'm sorry, I have to go.' Piper changed out of Alex's t shirt, back into the tight dress and heels from last night and darted out of the front door before Alex had a chance to convince her otherwise. '_Rule number one, never fall in love with a straight girl'_, _you're doing so well at sticking to that one Vause._

* * *

Arriving home, Piper was greeted by a relieved Larry. She noticed him scanning her body for any noticeable signs of damage. _If only he knew. '_Pipes you look rough, good night I take it?' Piper sighed, if only she had the guts to tell him, 'you could say that. I'm going to lie down for a bit.'

Stripping out of last night's attire, Piper had never been so thankful for her fleece pyjamas. Silently praising Larry for leaving two aspirin and a glass of water on her bedside table, Piper swallowed the pills then continued to attempt to fall into sleep; desperate for this stomach-eating guilt to subside.

* * *

Alex could do nothing but pace the confines of her spacious home. It had so much open floor plan, yet she couldn't help but feel as though she was suffocating. _Fuck, I'm so fucking stupid._ Currently regretting her outburst an hour earlier, all she wanted was to scoop Piper into her arms and assure her how much she adored her. She refused to accept this as the end; it couldn't be. Piper Chapman and Alex Vause were not made to be apart; the past few weeks had proved that. No, Alex refused to go down without one last fight. She had a plan – one that had been devised from the second Piper had mentioned marriage. Having initially began as Plan B, Alex had spent the past few weeks hoping her efforts would be enough to sway Piper away from the wedding, to no avail. Now it was show time.

* * *

Having spent the entirety of yesterday hungover and hating herself, Piper had never imagined spending the morning of her wedding day feeling so god damn _awful. _Awakening to an empty bed, she briefly remembered kissing Larry goodbye earlier the previous evening, something about it being bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other before they're walking down the alter. Met with an obnoxiously loud knock on the door, Piper pulled herself away from her bed and let an ever beaming Polly in. 'PIPER TODAY IS THE FUCKING DAY, YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED…TODAY!' Polly was practically bouncing off the walls at the sheer thought, anyone would think it was her wedding. Noticing the disgruntled look slapped across Piper's face, her mood instantly fizzled. 'Wow, sorry if I'm mistaken Pipes but I do believe you're going to your own wedding today, not your own funeral.' _Piper had to tell her, she knew if she kept in any longer she'd turn into a ticking time bomb. '_Pol – I've fucked up.'

* * *

The pair sat and drank champagne whilst Piper ran Polly through the events of her hen night. 'God _damn it! _I knew not coming was a bad idea! _Fuck._' 'I did warn you there'd be fireworks, Pol!' 'So what are you going to do? Are you still gonna marry him?' 'Yes Pol, I don't know what else to do. Sure I love him, but Alex is just…different. Everything with her is different; I can't explain it. It's too late to turn back now; I'm getting married in a little over three hours.' 'Oh Piper Chapman you are _such_ an epic fuck up sometimes! Honestly, you and Alex ended disastrously once and I don't think there's anything stopping it ending like that again. As your best friend, I can honestly say I think you're making the right choice. You and Larry are great together, he's a great guy. Everything will be fine Pipes; once you've said your vows, you'll forget supercunt ever existed!' The revival of Polly's age old nickname for Alex earned her a death stare from Piper, as much as Polly was only attempting to help the situation, she really was stabbing the knife and twisting it right now.

'Come on, let's get to work – we've gotta make my girl look like a princess ready for her wedding!'

* * *

An hour later, Piper's hair had been styled so it sat in loose curls just at her chest, her makeup had taken an elegant style to itself, all that was left was the dress – which Piper was adamant on leaving until last minute.

The pair continued to dance around Piper's apartment drinking their sorrows away, Piper was starting to feel slightly more relaxed about the whole situation. Yes, Alex would be out of her life, but she had been for the past eight years, and she'd survived. She could do that all over again.

* * *

Alex was growing restless, having allowed Nicky in on her little plan, the pair waited round until the time was right. 'You sure you wanna go through with this Vause? If it all goes tits up then shit could get pretty ugly,' 'I've never been so sure of anything in my life Nichols.' The pair continued to twiddle their thumbs until the time had come to depart.

* * *

Finally, Piper's look was complete; her dress fitted her perfectly, the white heels accompanying the piece fitted perfectly – she looked as though she'd stepped fresh out of a bridal magazine. 'Oh Pipes, you look fucking beautiful!' Polly let a single tear trickle down her cheek; she was completely in awe of Piper's beauty, but so incredibly happy for her best friend. This moment had been one they'd talked about since they were kids.

Piper's dad eventually arrived at Piper's apartment, a Rolls Royce shortly following it. He stood for a moment, adoring the sight of his baby girl – the fact she was finally growing up. 'You look beautiful Piper. You ready?' 'As I'll ever be.' With that, Piper took her dads hand and made her way downstairs to the wedding car, ready to commit to the rest of her life.

* * *

The venue looked simply beautiful; the walls of the church hung proudly religious symbols, all of which meant nothing to Piper. She had just wanted to follow tradition of a church wedding.

Larry stood anxiously at the foot of the aisle, shifting from foot to foot – complete disbelief that this was happening was washing over him. His mum shot him a proud smile from amongst the sea of faces that filled the pews.

The grand doors of the church gently opened, that was the point he first laid eyes on his soon to be wife; he felt his stomach drop at the sheer sight of her. _Fuck, Larry Bloom was one lucky guy._

* * *

The pair continued to head towards the church, The Who blasted through the speakers of Alex's car. 'Fuck, I can't even believe this is happening Vause, I didn't know you had it in ya!' 'Neither did I Nichols, neither did I.' There was a constant surge of adrenaline pumping itself through Alex as they neared the wedding venue; _this was it _she thought, _no going back now._

* * *

Piper gracefully walked the length of the aisle whilst linking her Father. She couldn't recall a single dry eye in the venue – not even her mothers. Come to think of it, this was the only time Piper's mother had looked at her with a genuine sense of both love and accomplishment; as though it had taken marriage for Carol Chapman to finely take some pride in the beauty she had created.

People stood as she took her steps towards Larry, where he met her with a small peck on the cheek. Once everyone was seated, the minister began the service.

* * *

'FUCK are we gonna make it?!' 'Yes! We have to!' We're only three minutes away, as long as we're there before the 'I do's', we're fine. Relax.'

* * *

'Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join Piper Chapman and Larry Bloom in matrimony commended to be honourable among all.'

* * *

Two missed turns later, the duo finally pulled into the venue. 'We're here Vause, go get your fucking girl!'

* * *

'Therefore, it is not to be entered into lightly but reverently, passionately, lovingly and solemnly.'

* * *

Alex ventured out of the car, towards the venue. Her heart was in her mouth; everything she had was riding on the outcome of this situation. She didn't know what to do if it all fell to shit – then, and only then would she have to admit her and Piper were a chapter closed forever.

'Into this, these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now, or forever hold their pi-'

The doors of the venue suddenly shot open; a panting Alex, desperately trying to regain her composure burst through them. 'Stop this bullshit wedding, Piper – you cannot do this. I love you, okay? I'm sick of saying it, but on the other hand I'm not. I love you with every fiber of my existence, and I know you feel the exact same way. So yes, I know a reason as to why these two cannot be married; Piper Chapman, I am completely, utterly and desperately in love with you.'

* * *

**A/N: I had so much fun writing this chapter, and I hope you all enjoyed reading it! Please leave a review – whether it be good or bad or just a few words; it all means a lot! Until next time. X**


	12. I Wanna Be Yours

**12.**

_In that moment – everything felt as though it had fallen exactly into place. Having always been a firm believer in the universe; fate, karma, destinies and the rest of it, Piper Chapman knew that this is exactly what she had been wandering towards since she laid eyes on the raven haired beauty all that time ago in that dingy bar. From the moment she agreed to wed with a man she no longer shared the spark of fireworks every time their lips met, Piper knew she was no longer living her life the way she wished – she was simply succumbing to her mother's expectations of living the average American life. Since walking out those exquisite doors of the breath taking apartment in one of the most marvellous cities Piper had ever laid eyes on, her life felt purely arid. Everything lacked spark – nothing ignited the familiar feelings of both excitement and fear like they did when Alex was around. She went back to being the same old WASPy Piper Chapman who'd convinced her parents she'd spent the past few years of her life travelling with best friend Polly, not living the high life with a drop dead gorgeous, intelligent, enchanting but also highly dangerous drug dealer. _

The marvelling aesthetic of the grand room was laced with feelings of anguish, fear, excitement, and spontaneity – everything Piper had missed. Larry stood facing the dreamy blonde with a look of complete horror – he was completely oblivious as to whom this woman was, and why exactly she was stood gate crashing their wedding. He desperately searched Piper; pleading to find a look of confusion or anger etched within her features, however his search was useless. Piper's face was glowing - tears streamed down her face for all the right reasons. 'Piper, please tell me this a fucking joke.' Larry's tone was laced thick with desperation, broken at the fact he was on the verge of losing everything he'd fought to build. 'I can explain.' Piper turned to face the now gawping audience, all failing to find the words to explain what exactly what happening. Piper swore she heard her mother's heart stop out of complete shame at that very moment. 'This is Alex Vause, my ex-girlfriend. Alex and I, we travelled for a few years – Cambodia, Bali, Paris; you name it, we probably visited it.' Turning so her eyes met those of her parents, Piper knew the truth needed to be revealed, 'Mum, dad, those times I was away, I wasn't with Polly. She was just amazing enough to cover up in order for me to live my dreams – I was completely and utterly in love with this absolutely mesmerising woman and she could see that. She could also see that you two were far too close minded to accept that perhaps my sexual preference was women, and maybe I was starting to lean towards a not so typical lifestyle. I never wanted to be that woman who got to her fourties, living a boring life with a mundane routine, a boring sex life and children who rinsed my bank account dry. It's just not the life I wanted – it's the life _you_ wanted for me. I'm sorry to have lied to you for so long, but sometimes you've gotta do what you've gotta do.'

Alex stood frozen in the doorway, Nicky had finally parked up and joined her – she knew Alex was more than capable of handling herself physically, but she was putting all her emotions on the table right now, Nicky wanted to be sure she'd have someone there should her walls come tumbling down. 'What's happening?' Nicky whispered, 'did I miss the 'I do's'?' 'Nope, but it would appear you were just in time for the speeches,' the pair allowed a small laugh to escape their lips before regaining their focus on the situation in hand. Carol Chapman suddenly raised her petite frame from where she was sat. 'Piper Elizabeth Chapman, what on earth are you doing?! Come on dear, you're simply confused. You've never mentioned this Alex person in your life, let alone love her.' Piper couldn't help but roll her eyes at her mother's ever present ignorance to anything that wasn't of the highest of standards. 'Maybe not to you mother, but can you blame me? My whole life has been a series of knock downs from you because I was never the pristine daughter you wanted. You were always comparing me to other girls – complaining because I was a size 8 rather than a 6; you became annoyed because I had to put in 3 hours of study whilst others only put in 2. _Nothing_ I ever did was good enough for you,' Piper spat. Her body was fuelled with adrenaline, anger and excitement. She finally stole a glance of Alex, standing at the doors – tall and bold, emitting the message that she was certainly not leaving without a fight. 'Ludicrous Piper, absolute ludicrous! Honestly, you're making a mistake. You're just _confused._ You're not…gay. I wouldn't raise a gay daughter. Now cease this nonsense and continue on with your wedding.'

* * *

Alex could feel the anger coursing through her. Piper had always said she never had a close relationship with her mother, for that she was always angry at her. She simply didn't understand why she'd throw away the opportunity to be close to the woman who brought her into the world whilst Alex longed for the nights her mum would walk through the door of their grotty apartment and stay there for more than fifteen minutes between shifts. Seeing Carol now however, everything made sense. She couldn't believe how ignorant she was in person. Piper had mentioned her close minded personality to anyone or anything she felt to be beneath her, but she hadn't imagined anything like this. Slowly, she began to stroll towards the aisle to meet both Piper and Larry. She reached her arm around Piper's waist, pulling her close – Alex's protective streak over Piper was almost instinctual. She had entered the cross fire of the two Chapman woman's glares, Carol's eyes were darting between her now disappointment of a daughter, and the woman behind the cause of it all. 'Carol,' Alex cleared her throat before continuing, 'you have not raised a 'gay' daughter, you have raised a beautiful, smart, sexy, conscientious, passionate, slightly annoying at times, wondrous daughter. Throughout our relationship, Piper was reluctant to speak of you for reasons that were mostly unbeknownst to me. This was not how I imagined our first encounter in a million years, and I am quite frankly disgusted. Piper is not confused, nor is she making a mistake. Right now, Piper is lost. She doesn't know what to do. A few weeks ago, she stumbled upon me doubled over sobbing onto my mother's grave; it was a complete chance encounter. Since then however, she is all I've thought about – she consumed every conscious, and albeit unconscious thought ever since. She cared for me, ensured I was okay, made me feel as though I had a purpose again. Whatever she chooses to do now will be her own decision; not mine, not yours, _hers. _If you choose not to accept that, then you really are as toxic as I presumed.' Her grip around the blonde's waist tightened slightly.

'Piper, please tell me what's happening. Are we breaking up? Are you fucking leaving me on our fucking wedding day?!' Larry began to edge closer to Piper, his voice raised. 'Lower your voice, Barry.' Alex spat. Piper took a look at the adoring crowd – all waiting for an answer. She was completely stuck; never had she imagined her wedding day to be like this. _The room began to feel small, the walls felt as though they were closing in on her. Piper knew what both her head and her heart wanted; she just didn't know whether she was brave enough to go through with it. The past eight years felt empty without Alex's presence. Piper had felt nothing more than a love drunk vagabond for as long as she could remember. She knew her decision now would change everything. She'd almost forgotten the presence of her guests – that was the effect Alex had on her. She made them both become encased in their own little bubble of a world. _

'Pipes,' everyone tuned to face the direction of the voice, it was Polly. 'Piper, listen to me. The past eight years, I know you haven't been the person you used to be all that time ago. It always felt as though you were searching for that feeling again – the one only Alex appears to be able to spark within you. Even looking at you now, that glint I haven't seen in god knows how long has appeared in your eyes. When you came home from Europe after that break up, only I saw the true extent of the damage it wreaked within you. You refused to get out of bed, you were constantly binge drinking – you were a fucking shell of yourself Pipes. Now is your chance, you've got her back. Fuck all the people here expecting you to tell Alex where to go, heck fuck your mum whose dream of raising a daughter who'll go onto lead a fucking boring life and bear her grandparents is evidently no longer achievable, if they truly love you they'll be there for you whatever you choose. So, here I am, your best friend telling you to walk down that aisle with that girl on your arm and never look back. I'll deal with the collateral damage. Go.' _Piper could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks; throughout the years the only mention of Alex from Polly would begin with the addressing of her as 'Supercunt', now here she was telling her to escape this situation with her. Whilst the pair may have had their difficulties through the years, Piper struggled to fault how much Polly cared for her when it came down to it._

'Thank you Pol, so much. Knowing you're on my side makes this whole situation a little bit easier.' The pair shared a quick embrace before Piper turned back to her two lovers. 'Piper, _please' _Larry whispered. His voice cracked – exasperated. He knew he couldn't compete with Alex, she was everything he wasn't – alluring, intelligent, witty, rich. All the things he knew he could never match. A sheet of awkwardness lay over the trio – even to those who were only just discovering Alex's existence, it was evident who Piper wanted, alas no one knew whether she would follow her heart.

* * *

'Would the bride and groom like to follow me? We have a room you two may talk privately for a moment.' The minister led the two towards a door at the side, Alex not far behind them. 'Al, just sit down for a sec. Check on Nicky. I don't know. I'll be back in a bit. I love you.' With that, Piper disappeared the join Larry behind the now closed doors.

Larry was pacing the room, fists clutching bundles of jet black hair. His chest began to feel constricted; it was as though his heart was physically breaking there and then. Having never experienced anything more than a high school break up, Larry didn't know how to cope. Everything felt as though it was falling apart. Regardless of whether Piper chose Alex, everything would be changing.

Piper stood timidly by the entrance of the room, she wasn't scared of Larry rather she was scared of facing up to the consequences of her actions. It amazed her how the workings of life seemed to be increasingly reluctant to allow her and Alex some ease in their relationships. 'Larry just stop for one second and breathe, please.' Her tone was soft – she felt bad for him. He'd done nothing wrong yet he was the one who would probably be hurt the worst in all of this. 'Who is she Pipes? Who is she really?' Piper was reluctant to disclose much about Alex – she knew all too well how closed off Alex was about aspects of her life. 'Alex is the first person I ever fell in love with. We met in a bar one evening, she invited me over for a few drinks and it all went from there.' Larry scoffed; he didn't care for small details – he wanted to know her motives behind crashing their wedding. 'So the night of her party when I walked in on you two…fuck, you were properly involved with each other, weren't you?! FUCK I thought maybe you'd just got caught up in the heat of the moment or something. Piper I didn't have a fucking clue who that bitch was, and I'm sure as hell if I did I wouldn't have let _us_ continue on for so fucking long.' Piper felt bile rising in her throat. _Her mind raced back to that night – the feeling of Alex desperately trying to create any sense of friction between them, the heated kisses. It was enough to send a rush of heat to her core. _'Larry, please stop acting so immature with the name calling. Alex and I are complicated; it's never just black and white with us. I didn't exactly _plan_ for any of this to happen.' 'Bull _shit_ Piper!' Larry scoffed, 'you had me _and _her wrapped around your little fucking finger! You knew exactly what you were doing. Well, you know what? I'm done. I'm getting off your fucking merry go round ride and I'm never looking back.' Larry's face had turned a dark shade of crimson by this point – the myriad of emotions clearly splayed over his sorry self. Without leaving space for so much as Piper to regain her though pattern, Larry stormed out of the room. Piper didn't attempt to follow him. Instead she placed herself in a chair on the other end of the room, attempting to gather her thoughts. _The past six years of her life had just come to an obnoxious cease. She had the perfect chance to run off into the sunset with Alex. The revelations of today left her relationship with Carol Chapman even more strained, if that was even possible. She was numb. For the first time in a while, Piper was no longer searching – she'd finally come to a halt in her journey. Everything was uncertain now – where did she go? Larry surely wouldn't allow her back into the apartment; she couldn't simply impose herself on Alex. Once again, it was as though Piper was a college grad with absolutely no intention of pursuing her parent's wishes of law school or medical school whilst still desperately seeking their approval. _It wasn't until she felt a cool hand press on the arch of her back did she zone back into reality. 'Pipes?' That all too familiar voice made Piper relax almost immediately_. _'Hey kid, you alright?' Piper closed her eyes, trying to think of the appropriate response to what should be a simple question. 'Honestly Al, I don't even know right now. What's going on out there?' 'Me, Polly, Nicky and Cal managed to get the majority of the guest's outta here. Promises of updates via social media appeared to be the only deal sealer – _god _Pipes, who knew people would be so interested in your sexual preference?' The blonde felt the corners of her mouth tug upwards involuntarily. _This was one of the infinite reasons Piper loved Alex – her seeming ability to make light of shitty situations. _

'Al, I don't know what the fuck I'm meant to do right now.' _For the first time in God knows how long, Piper was allowing herself to be vulnerable. She never felt comfortable enough around Larry to let her walls completely down – the thought of him talking to her in that god damn patronising tone with those ridiculous pet names was enough to make her stomach turn. _'Whatever you think is best kid.' 'That's just it – I know exactly what's best for me; _you_. You're all I've ever wanted Al, I don't feel complete unless I know I've got you. I'm tired of all these games – yes I've fucked up, but my intentions were somewhat good, I guess? I don't know. You just have this effect on me – you make me feel drunk even when there's no alcohol involved. I want to spend the rest of my life with you; wake up engrained in your side, leave the office knowing I'm coming home to you. It's the furthest from anything we're used to but Al I want you wholeheartedly. I _need_ us to work.' Piper felt exhausted – today was draining her. The prospect of Alex turning on her heels, leaving and never looking back without the blonde terrified her. She didn't know if she could withstand losing the brunette again.

Alex took a moment to rake in the features of her love; her fragility was something she hadn't seen in god knows how long. Her irises sported a gentle shade of blue – currently glossed over with a fresh sheet of tears. Her mouth poised in a near straight line; Alex knew that look better than most. This was Piper shutting down – losing herself amongst her thoughts. The older woman could see the turmoil splashed over the blondes face. She'd gone from losing everything to gaining all she ever wanted in the space of a few moments – it was understandably a lot to take to in. 'Piper Elizabeth Chapman, what on earth am I gonna do with you?' It took Piper a few moments to regain awareness of her surroundings, insisting of focusing on every word the brunette was about to let slip. 'I must admit, you're the master of handling things completely wrong, but fuck me – I love you Pipes. I swear if I had a dollar for every time I've said that today I would be twice as rich as I already am,' _there it was; that childish charm that just never seemed to wear away. _'I want you involved in every aspect of my existence – I want it to be you I crawl into bed with, you who gets me through my bad days and you who I spend the best moments of my life with. I promise I want to share the good, the bad and the ugly with you Pipes – things are different now. It's been eight years; we've both done a lot of growing up. I'm not involved with any of that illegal shit anymore, you've finally started to get over the privileged rich girl routine – we can make this work.' The pair allowed themselves to be encased in their small bubble of a world, both reluctant to be the one to break the silence. It wasn't until the door viciously swung open and they were greeted with the appearance of the ever eager strawberry blonde bundle of fucking joy that was Nicky Nichols. 'Hey, not lesbians – are you nearly done eye fucking? Ministers getting pissy and we gotta scoot. Chapman, your parents took off, probably taking your mum for heart tests to check it's still workin' after your revelations! Heck Chapman, I salute ya, I always thought you were just some yuppie blonde – you've gone up in my expectations!' Unsure exactly as the best reply to that little speech, Piper shot her a weak nod before the pair attempted to resolve their tear stained faces before heading out.

* * *

The pair walked down the aisle hand in hand towards the exit – both failing to push back the sense of irony. Piper in her wedding dress, Alex in casual attire – it summed the pair up perfectly. _Perhaps this was a foretelling of what's to come. The duo had a lot of kinks to iron out, but they were both too engrossed in each other for it to fail. _'Hey wait up a sec!' The two turned to see Nicky jogging to catch up, 'alright just stand to face each other real quick.' Alex arched an eyebrow in suspicion at her best friend, completely oblivious of her intentions. They reluctantly turned so their eyes met, both struggling to supress smiles even the smallest of affections could create. 'Ok so we are gathered here today to witness the reconciliation of Piper Chapman and Alex Vause's love. It has been eight years coming, and I for one couldn't be happier. Under the influence of both the majestic grandeur and simplicity of our surroundings, Piper Chapman, do you take Alex Vause to be your girlfriend? To treat her well, fuck her senseless and not be an entitled yuppie?' _By this point, the couple were trying to contain their laughter. Neither knew how serious Nicky was taking this fake wedding but neither wanted to find out. _'I do,' the shit eating grin that rarely slipped from Nicky's features once again appeared. 'Great! Now Alex Vause, do you take Piper Chapman to be your girlfriend? To treat her well, fuck her senseless and not be a manipulative ass hole?' 'I do,' those two words were laced heavily with both promise and sincerity – as phony as this wedding may be, Alex still wanted Piper to know how serious she was about making this work. 'Excellent! This is really fucking excellent! Vause, we're having a party tonight. I know this'll be the third one in a really short amount of time but we are fuckin' _celebrating tonight!' _Before Alex had a chance to disagree, Nicky was off phoning guests and arranging the plans.

* * *

The pair continued to stand facing each other for a little while longer, both content with the events of today. 'Thank you Al, honestly. Thank you so much, for everything. If you hadn't crashed today, I'd have sold my soul to the devil that is holy matrimony. Thank you for always being the brave one; because I promise I am trying to get there, I'm just not ready to completely break away from my metaphorical safety net.' 'I get that Pipes, but maybe we need an element of safety between us, or fuck knows we'll probably end up dead at the pit of a volcano or something on our travels!' Alex took Pipers face in her hands, gently roaming the pads of her thumbs over the blonde's cheeks, memorising every inch of her beautifully constructed face. Gently leaning in, Alex could finally kiss Piper without mounds of guilt knotting in her stomach – Piper Chapman was once again hers. 'Come on kid, let's take this elsewhere,' with that, Alex scooped the blondes petite frame into her arms – in the true bride and groom style they headed towards the doors. The road ahead of them was treacherous, but it would be an adventure. A long overdue adventure neither could wait to embark on.

**A/N: Aaaand finally – we have the beginnings of a Vauseman happy ever after! Please leave a review if you enjoyed what you read. X**


	13. Time Heals Woes

**A/N: I initially uploaded this only to delete/reupload as I wasn't happy with how it ended, apologies for any confusion. X**

**13.**

The brunette attempted to place the blonde into the passenger seat of her car as gracefully as she could, much to no avail. Whilst waiting for Nicky to finish inviting the usual sea of people to Alex's get together tonight, they wasted no time locking their lips together in pure bliss. The kisses were drawn out, intrusive and messy; teeth met teeth whilst nips across jawlines took place with neither of the women caring. Just as a wandering hand began to caress the small of Piper's back, Nicky made her presence known in the back of Alex's car. 'Save it for the bedroom ladies – you've got the rest of your lives to fuck each-others brains out!' _For once, Nicky was dead right. They had the rest of their lives together to do whatever they wished. _'Which is exactly why you're being dropped off at your place until later Nichols – I've missed eight years of this one over here,' Alex shot a smirk in Piper's direction, 'we have some catching up to do.' The trio let slip heart felt laughter – all soaking up the happenings of today. It had been a long one, leaving all three in desperate need of a strong drink or two, _all in good time._

* * *

'I'll be at yours for seven Vause, make sure you give yourselves at least two minutes to put your clothes back on!' Nicky beamed as she left the car. It was questionable who was happier about the pair reuniting at this point. Continuing to aimlessly roam the streets of New York for a while longer blanketed in a comfortable silence, it was Piper who eventually broke the silence. 'Al, will you mind taking me back to my apartment? I need to grab a few things before I figure out where I'll be staying for the time being.' 'Pipes, are you serious? You're staying with me.' _The deer in headlights look painted over Piper's face, causing a knot to mound in Alex's stomach. She began to swiftly pray Piper wasn't going to think she was being too forward, or moving things along too fast – she was just trying to do what she thought was best._ 'A-are you sure? I mean I could always ask Cal if he'll put me up for a while. I don't want to impose,' Alex scoffed, 'Piper _please._ I've waited eight fucking years to fall asleep in your arms, awaken in them only to go on to make you breakfast in bed before fucking you in the shower. Now is our chance – you're staying with me.' Piper's glowing smile spread amongst her features. _Alex adored the way Piper's nose crinkled when she smiled big enough. _'That's settled then,' Piper murmured. As the pair drove towards Piper's old living space, the younger woman switched the radio on – wanting some background music to aid their journey.

_Baby if you hold me  
then all of this will go away_

Piper reached for Alex's hand that was pressed firmly on the gear shift, tracing undecipherable patterns along it. 'Hey isn't this what all the teenagers are instagraming these days? We're behind on the times kid!' Just as Alex allowed the latter of her sentence to slip her lips, Piper retrieved her phone from the clutch that Polly has passed on to Nicky, continuing to slide her home screen upwards revealing her camera – she stole a photo of her hand layering Alex's. 'Maybe I'll Instagram it, maybe I won't. Gotta keep my followers on their toes.' Piper joked.

_My friends and family  
They don't understand  
They fear they'll lose so much  
If you take my hand_

As the pair continued towards their destination, Piper grew quiet – a look of worry spread across her face. Alex noticed her loves change in demeanour amidst a stolen glance whilst at a red light; only she didn't know whether to press the issue further. 'Wanna talk about it?' Her questioning was enough to bring the blonde out of her daze, 'hm?' 'You just seemed a bit far away – you wanna talk about it?' Piper worried her bottom lip between her teeth, _although it was neither the time nor place, minute gestures like that were such a turn on for the brunette. _'It's nothing much, I just can't believe how atrociously my mother reacted. I mean don't get me wrong, I knew she wasn't the biggest gay rights activist, I just always imagined it would be different when it was her daughter, you know?' _Alex didn't know; her mother had always been quite the opposite. She came out the closet at the age of fourteen and her mum failed to so much as bat an eyelid. Diane always took a nonchalant view on anything trivial – sexuality, politics, world peace; she claimed she simply didn't have the time to worry about things she couldn't change. Alex had always admired her for that. _'I'm sorry Pipes, just give her a few days, I'm sure she'll come around eventually.'

_But, for you  
Ooh, you  
Ooh, I'd lose it all_

Both continuing to focus on the pros of today, as well as the music playing softly from the radio, Alex chuckled to herself through the continuation of the song. Glancing over slightly puzzled, Piper enquired as to what the joke was. 'Just listening to the lyrics Pipes, it's just funny how of all the songs to exist, this is the one that gets played after today. Just listen to the lyrics and you'll work out what I'm talking about.' Alex continued to hum the lyrics whilst Piper engaged closely, slowly catching Alex's drift. The pair continued to sing along to whatever the radio threw at them, completely engrossed in the sheer happiness that was the reuniting of their two kindred spirits.

* * *

The pair sat for a few moments outside Piper's apartment. 'Do you think he'll be in?' Alex pressed, 'I'm not sure. I won't stop to make conversation if he is – I just want to change, pack a few things and be out of there. Stay here, I've had enough heated conversations today – you and Larry don't need to add to that.' 'If you're sure, but phone me if you need me.' Piper unlocked her door before carefully getting out the car, cautious not to damage her wedding dress. 'Pipes?' The blonde turned so her face met her lovers, 'yeah?' 'I love you.' The smile grew instantaneously on the blondes face, 'I love you too, Al. I'll be back in a sec.'

* * *

Piper anxiously approached the door of what used to be her home. Shakily, the key entered the lock, the door opened and Piper stepped foot into the place that was now another strange place to her. She looked for signs of distress – nothing. Everything was exactly as it was this morning, physically. Emotionally, psychologically and mentally, everything was different. She had left the building Piper Chapman, expecting to return Piper Bloom, only it never happened – life had a knack of throwing the blondes plans in a complete U turn. Not wanting to find out whether Larry was in, she headed straight for what used to be her bedroom, hoping to come across it empty.

Luckily, it was left untouched. The dress was shed as quickly as it had been put on, the blonde not caring enough whether it ripped or got damaged. A duffle bag was retrieved from the top of what used to be hers and Larry's wardrobe, Piper continued to shove as many clothes and essentials as possible into it. The concept of packing up and leaving the safety the past six years had granted her filled the blonde with indescribable amount of anxiety; she knew her new endeavour with Alex would be anything but easy – everything with the raven haired woman felt so uncertain, a concept Piper wasn't quite ready to dive head first into. A surge of doubt suddenly washed over her; the realisation that she could no longer run from her shit terrified the younger woman. The idea of her and Alex crumbling as quickly as they'd began to repair the cracks pained her. _The walls felt as though they were beginning to restrict her oxygen intake – everything felt constricted. Her chest tightened whilst her breaths shortened. Fresh waves of panic battered every molecule constructing her body. _Piper quickly retrieved her phone, managing nothing more but a 'help' text to Alex – finally, the older woman could be there for her.

* * *

Her fingers became numb as they became desensitised to the aimless tapping of the steering wheel the brunette was currently doing, it was a habit that she'd grown in order to relieve stress; somehow the constant beat allowed her nerves to relax ever so slightly. It didn't last long, however. Everything felt as though auto pilot had been activated the moment the older woman had received the four letter text from her soon to be girlfriend. Her toned legs were near sprinting to the door of Piper's old apartment; every worst case possible scenario running ragged around her mind. Soon enough the door that had been left slightly ajar came into her vision, Alex wasted no time practically hurtling into the vicinity – desperate to find her love. Turning right towards the sounds of panting, Alex stumbled upon Piper collapsed in a desperate heap amidst a pile of clothes on the floor. Leaning down, the older woman cupped the blondes cheeks in her hands, allowing eye contact to be made. 'Pipes, look at me. Breathe, you're having a panic attack and you're just be absolutely fine.' _Knowing better than to press whatever the cause of this, Alex continued to hold the blonde, coaching her through her breathing until she could feel her heart return to a normal pace alongside her breathing evening out. _The pair remained bundled together for a while longer, both perfectly content with their current position. Alex was now near enough cradling the blonde – _knowing she had now been granted the ability to see the blonde through both her best and her worst filled her with such unfathomable happiness; it was how things were supposed to be. _'I love you, you know that, right?' _The sheer sound of the older woman's husky voice was enough to reduce Piper to putty in her hands. _'Yes, I do. I hope you know how much I love you. Thank you for that Al.' The pair shared a prolonged, intimate kiss – both soaking up the bliss they were now entranced by. It wasn't until they heard the sound of the door forcefully swing open did they break apart – Alex instinctively pushed Piper behind her.

They were greeted with a seemingly drunk Larry. 'Oh fuck, gross!' He exclaimed as he waltzed in on the two sharing a moment. 'W-what the f-fuck are you even doing here? Get out Pipes, take your dyke ass girlfriend with you.' _It wasn't the insults that were currently being thrown her way that made the brunette see red, rather the tone and demeanour Larry was offering the blonde. Her nostrils flared whilst her knuckles clenched so hard they produced a pure shade of white. '_Do _not_ fucking speak to _my _girlfriend like that, you drunken piece of shit,' Alex spat the words at him with sheer hate, 'I've already punched you once, don't fucking _think_ I won't hesitate to do it again.' Piper remained on the ground, trying her best to wind in all her current anxieties. 'Hey dyke, it's _my_ fucking apartment, I'll do what _I _like.' Larry slurred. Alex was quick to deliver a forceful shove, making the drunken man stumble backwards enough for her to close the door, blocking his ability to be anywhere near Piper. 'C'mon kid, get your stuff together and let's get out of here so we can get ready for tonight.' Piper smoothly complied; first making a point of prolonging the act of putting on a fresh pair of clothes, must to Alex's both love and dislike. A few minutes passed and Piper had somehow managed to stuff the majority of her clothes, alongside her journal and a few family photos into a less than spacious duffle bag. 'I've gotta get my toiletries from the bathroom,' Piper groaned. 'Don't worry, we'll just drop by the store and pick up whatever you need.' Piper struggled to repress a smile, 'thank you Al, you really are amazing.' 'I know,' the brunette was never slow to deliver a sarcastic reply, but it only added to the multitude of reasons why Piper loved her.

Alex carefully opened the door, only to be greeted with the sounds of barbaric snores – it appeared Larry had passed out drunk on the couch. 'What a fucking loser, let's go Pipes.' Alex took the duffle bag from the blondes grasp, swung it over her shoulder and held the door open, wanting Piper to be out of the apartment as quickly as possible as though her decision could change if she hung around too long.

* * *

The ride back to Alex's was one spent mostly in silence, a bit of small talk occurred at various points, but both were still soaking in the fact they had the ability to call each other their own. Finally arriving back at Alex's house, they headed for the kitchen where a swift scotch on the rocks was poured for the both of them – it felt well deserved after the way today had unfolded. 'You don't have to by all means, but do you wanna tell me what caused your panic attack?' Alex pressed. The look of apprehension spread across the blondes face quicker than her calm demeanour faded. 'I don't know – I just got scared I guess. We have to much metaphorical shit to shovel through – everything just feels so uncertain right now; I'm terrified of losing you Al. I don't want to have thrown all the normalities and comforts of my old life away only for us to crash and burn – I don't have the strength to make it through that.' Alex brought her thumb and forefinger to the bridge of her nose as the blonde revealed her qualms. 'Well Pipes, whilst I can't promise a plain sailing journey, I can promise that I'll be sticking around for the ride. I've fought too hard to lose you again.' The space between them was mutually closed as their lips crashed together. 'Oh,' Alex choked between kisses, 'Whilst we're on the topic of us, I have something to ask you.' Piper tensed up, she raked her mind thinking what grounds were yet to be covered. 'Go on,' 'Piper Chapman, will you be my girlfriend?' Alex could feel the tension alleviate within the blonde the moment the final syllable left her lips, 'Yes, of course. Now shut up and fuck me.' Not needing to be asked twice, the older woman placed the blonde atop of the kitchen island, their lips never breaking contact in the process. It was a slight struggle for dominance – however as always, Alex came out victorious. The blonde quickly succumbed to her loves dominating actions, allowing her to slide both her jeans and skimpy underwear down the lengths of her legs. Trails of kisses were left down the blonde's neck; Alex was sure to soothe the areas she nipped, leaving a mark over every one. Her hands wandered the length of Piper's sternum, tracing patterns and arousing goose bumps as she went. 'Al, _please,'_ the blonde whimpered, everything was going much too slow for her liking. 'Good things _come_ to those who wait, Pipes,' the blondes breath hitched as Alex sucked her pressure point, slowly but surely increasing both their arousal. Finally, Piper sensed friction being created in the places she was so desperate to feel it; Alex ran a digit right the way down her core before quickly changing to running her fingers up and down her inner thigh. _Watching the blonde writhe under her touch made her realise just how much she'd been missing out on. She'd forgotten the hold she had over the blonde; the control made her feel almost at peace with it all. Alex always felt settled knowing she was in control, even in the lightest of contexts such as sex. _'_Please,' _the blonde moaned following the loss of Alex inside her. 'Tell me what you want,' Piper groaned, barely able to think clearly let alone form a coherent sentence. 'Fuck me, I need you inside me, _now._' Finally, Alex succumbed to the blondes wishes; as she began to lower herself onto her knees she was sure to kiss every available inch of Piper on her descent. Finally, the brunette was able to nip and bite at the skin of the younger woman's thigh – leaving a trail of love bites as she went. Feeling the blonde practically shake under the simplest of touches, Alex placed an open mouth kiss on her clit, eliciting the most animalistic moan from the woman above her. She slid two fingers into the blonde, picking up a consistent pace whilst continuing to lace her tongue over Pipers enlarged clit, all the while Piper continued to writhe and moan under the older woman's touch. Eventually, Alex could feel the blondes walls tighten around her; taking this as a sign to pick up pace, she continued to pump in and out of the blonde until she eventually brought her to orgasm – she held the blonde until her breathing returned back to normal and she was no longer mercilessly shaking atop of the kitchen island. 'I missed that,' the blonde announced lazily as Alex gently brought her underwear back up her legs – the jeans remained discarded on the floor. She placed lazy kisses on Alex's temple before letting a yawn slip her mouth. 'Take me to bed woman,' 'Already? God Pipes, slow down.' Piper rolled her eyes at her girlfriend's remark. 'No, you idiot, I'm tired. You've worn me out. I need to sleep before tonight.' Repeating the movements she carried out whilst exiting the chapel, Alex scooped her girlfriend up in one swift motion and carried her to the bedroom; no doubt in her mind that round two would soon occur.

* * *

The evening passed the duo by lazily; Piper drifted in and out of sleep – awakening briefly to join Alex on the couch to pig out on Thai food and sing their hearts out to a rerun of Pitch Perfect before both of them fell asleep intertwined amongst each other. It wasn't until they were rudely awoken around half 6 by an obnoxious pounding on the door did they realise they had people coming over to celebrate tonight. 'Shit,' Alex shot up instantly, 'babe wake up.' Leaving the blonde to eventually stir and come to, Alex went to open the door to be greeted by Nicky who was proudly holding a bottle of Tequila in one hand and Sambuca in the other. 'Evening sleeping beauties; wake up! We've got alcohol to drink and a party to host!' 'Seven my ass!' Alex scowled whilst Nicky took no apprehension in making herself at home by proceeding to the kitchen in order to pour herself a drink. 'Oh shit, you two have fucked in here haven't you?' Noticing Piper's jeans still strewn across the floor, 'you two – animals, I'm telling ya!' Piper finally joined the pair in the kitchen, the newly formed couple deciding to see how many consecutive Tequila shots they could chase before getting ready.

Both Nicky and Alex made it to three before deciding they knew their pre drinking limit – Piper on the other hand was a different story. She'd proudly made it to five before running to the bathroom to empty the contents of her stomach. 'We're in for a long night with this one,' Nicky chuckled as she watched her best friend care for the slightly intoxicated blonde.

* * *

Having brushed her teeth and ensuring she felt once again human, Piper retreated to bedroom to pick something to wear tonight. She was yet to get around to unpacking meaning her life was currently stuffed into a duffle bag. After a few moments of rummaging around, she retrieved a black midi length swing dress – nothing too over the top, but enough to ensure Alex would spend the rest of the night undressing her with her eyes. She fixed up her makeup, adding a fresh wing of eyeliner to each eyelid as well as applying a bold layer of oxblood red lipstick to her lips. Giving herself a once over in the mirror, she was rather pleased with the outcome.

Going out to re-join the pair in the kitchen, no doubt in catching up to them where alcohol was concerned, she was smitten at the reaction she evoked from Alex. 'Shit blondie, if you weren't Vause's over here, I'd be eating ya for dinner tonight!' Alex shot her friend a stone cold glare, indicating her comments weren't welcome. Regaining her cool demeanour, Alex proceeded to get off her stool and stroll over to the blonde, placing a light kiss on her cheek. 'You look beautiful Pipes,' Feeling the colour rise in her cheeks, Piper took a moment to drink in the sight of her girlfriend who had changed into a maroon bodycon dress that complimented her in all the best places. 'You don't look half bad yourself,' the blonde replied. Re-joining Nicky who was now motioning fingers down her throat at their affections, they simply laughed it off and continued to take shots, Piper however was sure to pace herself a little more efficiently this time.

* * *

The night continued to grow older and more and more people streamed inside the complex space of Alex's home. Everyone seemed happy – nobody was tiptoeing around any hard truths nor were any secrets being kept; everything was breezy and collected. Lorna eventually arrived, seemingly apprehensive to see Nichols. _Both Piper and Alex figured there were some as of yet undisclosed troubles in paradise that were probably going to be revealed should Nicky consume enough Whiskey. _

Having been instructed by Alex to invite Polly, Piper and her had spent the majority of the night together whilst Alex had sauntered off to mingle with familiar faces. 'Pipes, this is all so surreal. I honestly can't believe you had the guts to do it!' Polly's words were a little slurred as she moved on to what would be her fourth _incredibly_ strong vodka and coke of the night. 'Neither can I Pol, but the thought of me sitting in that mundane apartment right now being 'Piper Bloom', forced to fake orgasms whilst thinking about how I've got to endure shit sex for the rest of my life makes my stomach turn,' Piper giggled to herself as the vodka finally started to hit her – her senses becoming slightly fuzzed whilst her head spun slightly. 'I'm so happy Pol, I can't even explain it.' Light conversation was passed between the two until Alex eventually came into the room only to find the pair sat on the floor having now reverted to swigging vodka straight from the bottle in fits of laughter. 'Care to share the joke?' Both Piper and Polly continued to laugh, neither able to string a coherent sentence together. 'You're both ridiculous, you know that?' Alex said as she swiftly snatched the bottle from the blondes grasp, taking a generous swig from it.

She simply sat and observed the two friends crying laughing as though neither had a care in the world – this was a side of Piper she'd missed; the side that momentarily allowed herself to be rid of all her pressing issues in order to be completely lost in the moment. Continuing to swig vodka from the bottle, the slight buzz of the spirit soon made itself known. Becoming too lost in an irrelevant train of thought, she didn't immediately notice the new weight pushing down across her folded legs. 'Alex,' Piper straddled her, gently pushing her signature secretary glasses to rest atop her jet black hair, 'I love you, you know that right?' The older woman smirked at the state of her girlfriend presented in front of her. _She remembered all the time they'd been away, tequila for days continuously making its way into Pipers bloodstream until she was eventually drunk enough to lose the ability to stand yet seemingly gained the ability to express her true affections and appreciations for the woman who'd somewhere along the line stole her heart. _'Of course I do Pipes, I love you too,' she placed a gentle kiss on the tip of Piper's nose, marvelled at their never ending ability to make the entire world stand still so it felt as though they were its only inhabitants. 'I'm happy Al, I really am. Everything feels right with you; I'm safe, I'm happy, I'm home. Thank you.'

Alex stayed silent for a moment or two, conjuring up what she felt to be an appropriate reply whilst soaking up the drunken slurs Piper had just let slip. They were slowly beginning to realise that perhaps time really can heal woes; perhaps they really did have a fighting chance of happiness.

* * *

**A/N: Aaaand that's all for now. SO, I have a bit of an idea where I want to go with this story but nothing is set in concrete, which is where you lovely lot come in – if you have any suggestions what so ever of things you'd like to see happen, please leave a review and I'll do my best to make it happen! As always, please leave a review as they really do mean a lot. Until next time. X**


	14. We'll Make It Out Of This Mess

**14.**

**A/N: Sorry this is a shorter, slightly more rushed chapter. I wanted to get the build-up out so I could move these two on towards their next venture. Enjoy X**

Happiness means many things to different people; becoming so engrossed in your favourite novel you're accidentally still awake to see the sun rise, the relief when you take that first inhalation of a cigarette you've been craving for hours, stepping foot into your home after a long stretch of absence; becoming covered in the familiar comforting scent of safety. For one raven haired, viridescent eyed woman in particular however, happiness is waking up intertwined with a familiar blonde – limbs becoming lost amongst each other, the ability to aimlessly comb her fingers through the mounds of tow-coloured hair whilst watching the soothing rise and fall of her chest.

_A slight ease in her chest makes itself apparent every time she rolls over to see the blonde sleeping soundly beside her. Following the desolate night eight years previous, Alex never saw herself regaining the same feelings of trust and security again – let alone with Piper Chapman. From the moment Piper left her a weeping mess amongst the mass of feather like duvets and pillows, the brunette swore never to let anyone in again. Opting to conceal the ever pressing ache in her chest through more one night stands than she could remember, alongside heroin for a short while, Alex thought she'd built up a lifetime's worth of walls. As much as she hated to admit it, Piper still reined a ridiculous amount of power over the older woman – it terrified her how willing she was to allow the blonde back into her life. _

Whilst remaining lost too deep in thought, Alex failed to notice the petite figure beside her slowly stir and become aware of her surroundings. It was the trail of kisses that were slowly being planted across the span of her torso that finally pulled her back to reality. 'Good morning,' Piper beamed. _The sheer innocent beauty that was Piper Chapman first thing of a morning never failed to make Alex's heart swell. _'Good morning to you, too,' Alex grinned as she leant down to place a kiss on Piper's temple. The pair remained still for a while; soaking up the serenity of that particular morning. 'Fuck, my head feels as though it's been pounded with a sledgehammer,' Piper groaned as she attempted to shy away from the sun peeking through the venetian blinds that hung above Alex's window seat. 'You and Tequila have a love/hate relationship like no other my dear,' Alex joked as she reminisced on the happenings of the night before.

_'Come on Al, stop being a fucking bore!' the near enough gone blonde slurred, narrowly missing Alex's dress with the Tequila that was currently spilling from the bottle. 'Slow down drunky,' she reached for the younger woman's arm as to guide her to the couch – she was putting on quite the show. Alex figured her love had a tremendous amount of steam to blow off hence her current near paralytic state. She didn't loathe her for it; she'd be quite the hypocrite to do so. Alex understood more than most what it meant to find tranquility within the drink. The moment Piper left her alone in Paris, she'd sauntered off to the nearest liquor store to purchase as much vodka as she thought she could handle in order to make the ache subside. _

'Coffee?' The brunette asked as she gently arose from her king size bed, careful not to knock Piper fearing any sudden movements may induce the contents of her stomach to once again arise. 'And some aspirin,' Piper muffled from underneath the pillows. Some things never changed.

* * *

Knowing she had to cease running away from her problems eventually, Piper decided that a stinking hangover was the perfect excuse to put off that chore for another week. Twenty four hours had passed since the wedding, along with Piper's future, had fallen to pieces and to celebrate the self-destructive streak she couldn't seem to avoid, Piper phoned for two weeks off work. Healy sounded disgruntled upon hearing Piper deemimg herself unfit for work and demanded a doctor's note to ensure she wasn't simply 'pulling a sicky', which she assured she would get.

_Apart from the incessant pounding in her head, Piper felt completely numb. She deemed this be to do with the toxic mix of the surging happiness being with Alex brought out in her accompanied by the hidden heartache of her and Larry crashing and burning. She wasn't all that upset over the initial prospect of them ending, rather the secondary impacts – she had fundamentally kissed goodbye to any shreds of normality her life still clung to; starting a family would pose a greater difficulty, her mother had practically disowned her, not to mention any remnants of security had fallen through her grasps. It was a lot for one person to handle, she was slowly closing herself up from everyone – the only issue being Alex knowing her better than anyone could see this straight off, and would do everything in her power to stop it happening._

* * *

Seeing her love in such a fragile state, both physically and emotionally, Alex thought best to work from home for a few days – just until Piper collected her thoughts a bit more. She wasn't worried, knowing it would be easy to secure deals via the wonders of Skype and FaceTime.

By the time she had brewed a fresh pot of black coffee after grabbing two aspirin, she strolled back into her bedroom only to find the blonde flat out asleep once again. _Alex took this as a moment to capture the blonde at her most vulnerable – at a time where she was completely oblivious to the happenings of the real world, too busy caught up in the flurry of her dreams. Her gentle eyes remained closed whilst her full lips were drawn in a near straight line. Eyebrows slightly furrowed, Alex knew that look as an indication that the blonde was deep in thought. She sighed, knowing even in her dreams, Piper couldn't escape her reality. _Unwilling to disturb the resting woman, she grabbed the book that rested at the foot of her bed along with a box of cigarettes and a tacky lighter with the image of a near naked woman sprawled across the body of it; how she came to acquire it was uncertain, but she was pretty sure Nicky was somehow involved. Sitting down easily on her window seat, the older woman withdrew a menthol from its box, worrying it between her forefinger and third finger before anxiously bringing it to her lips to light it. _Smoking had been a habit Alex had been trying to quit for many years. Having idly accepted a smoke here and there whilst travelling with Piper, it wasn't until she kicked heroin did her nicotine addiction grow. It wasn't healthy, she knew that, but she figured it was better than heroin. Whilst she had every intention to pack in the habit, the feeling of relief that washed over her upon taking that first drag was the closest she could get to mirroring the sensation of shooting up – it was her last link to heroin, one she wasn't ready to give up just yet. _As she reached through the blinds to open the window in order for the smoke to exit somewhere, she caused the blonde to stir slightly – thankfully not enough to completely awaken her.

The raven haired woman searched for the page of Prozac Nation marked with a dog ear fold to pick up where she left off. Time passed by the relaxed duo without a care in the world – Alex continued to smoke her way through the packet whilst read deeper and deeper into Elizabeth Wurtzel's experience as a Harvard student battling depression whilst Piper continued to sleep away her hangover. _This is how it should be, this is how it always should have been. _Alex smiled to herself as she looked around her room – it should have always been this simple. Whilst the travelling and exploring never failed to be a hit with the blonde, the days where they simply slept the day away had been scare, mainly due to Alex's ever demanding occupation accompanied by her never ending workload. These however, were the days where some of the best memories had been created. The thought of lying with Piper, aimlessly drifting in and out of sleep whilst curled up on her grand furniture eating shitty take out were the memories that had proved the most painful in her absence – knowing they had loved each other even at their laziest, most fatigued always led to her questioning what led Piper to becoming so disenchanted in their little twisted fairy tale.

* * *

'I never did understand your taste for such melancholic books, if I'm honest,' a smile painted the brunettes features the moment she heard that familiar voice. 'C'mon Pipes, Prozac Nation is one of the greatest books ever written, it's not even _that_ depressing,' 'Forgive me if I'm wrong, but isn't the whole thing centred on her struggles with mental illness, and doesn't she attempt to kill herself towards the end? My mistake Al, completely fucking happy!' Piper scoffs. _She'd missed this – their abilities to harmlessly argue over literature, music, politics; just about anything controversial. It was refreshing, knowing they were both with someone who didn't succumb under the weight of an opposing opinion – it was cathartic to argue their points against each other. _'Okay Pipes, point made. I'll just scuttle back to John Green or some shit,' 'Oh Alex _please, _even he writes about kids with cancer – that's fucked up!' The pair lost themselves in fits of laughter as Alex had narrowly missed Piper's head with the slightly weighty paperback clad in her hands. 'Why can I smell cigarette smoke?' The older woman's eyes covered the miniature trails of ash that were scattered around her, 'I was smoking. I don't know, I never did get round to giving up; old habits die hard I guess,' 'And you're too young to die Al' Piper said, a slight tinge of concern laced her voice. 'Oh Piper come on, I survived being a junkie, a few cigarettes every once in a while won't do anywhere as much harm!' Not wanting to ruin the sour mood, Alex hurriedly wracked her brains for a change of topic. 'So, how's the hangover?' She got up from her seat, heading towards the bed to accompany Piper. Her petite frame made the bed look bigger – emptier. She didn't like that. 'it's okay, my headache is nowhere near as bad, I'm just so tired.' Alex's eyes darkened almost instantly with desire, 'I know a way to wake you up,' her husky tone was enough for Piper to feel familiar sensations bubbling in the pit of her stomach. _Alex was right, old habits really do die hard._

* * *

It was late afternoon, and the duo had fucked on more or less every viable surface in Alex's grand home, which they declared ridiculously fucking impressive considering how many of them there were.

Along the way, they had fended off the remaining stragglers from the night before; Nicky and Lorna included. From the array of marks left on the both of their necks, it seemed as though they had no issues familiarising themselves with the secluded spots of Alex's home. _She didn't mind however; the amount of times she'd seen Nicky get fucked over, she was simply glad for her to have found someone that could provide her with something somewhat serious. _

'I'm gonna order Chinese, what do you want?' Alex enquired as she pulled a menu from her local out of one of the many drawers encased within the units. 'Whatever you're having,' the blonde replied smugly. 'Fine, I'll be sure to order the spiciest thing on the menu,' she joked, knowing Piper's intolerable hate for spicy foods.

* * *

Feeling like scum, Piper opted to get a shower now she knew the only inhabitants of her new home were her and her girlfriend. Leaving a trail of clothes from the bedroom to the bathroom, she welcomed the steam that swirled around the room following her switching the shower head onto one of the higher settings. Stepping in gracefully, she allowed the water to completely encase her – feeling all the worries and negativities from the past few days wash down the drain alongside the many droplets of water, Piper felt herself reengaging with a more positive mind frame. She felt like a love sick teenager bending down to get Alex's bottles of both shampoo and conditioner, seeing as they never did get round to going to the store. She welcomed the idea of being able to smell like Alex; knowing it would comfort her for the short amounts of time she would spend away from her love.

Having washed her hair twice, as well as cleansed her body and slathered herself in cocoa butter, Piper was once again drunk on the feelings of ecstacy Alex somehow managed to evoke without even being in the vicinity – just the thought of her was enough to make Piper's heart swell.

* * *

It wasn't until she began scrounging through her duffle bag of belongings did her mood drop. Upon searching for some fresh pyjama shorts, the blonde came across a sealed envelope that was caught up amongst some of her clothes. She was completely unaware of both its existence and its contents. She began to carefully tear the corner, sure not to go to fast in fear of damaging whatever may be inside. Sure enough, a small Polaroid she'd forgotten about fell out – it was taken the time she and Larry had gone away for a beach holiday. _Having found a rock shaped like a penis, Piper had wanted to capture the moment as though it held great significance for both her and Larry. 'Piper, it's just a rock – you're being immature.' Larry moaned, wanting to get out of the blazing sun. 'Come on Lar, just one picture! Think of the stories we'll have when people see it – they'll be all 'is that rock shaped like a penis?' and we can proudly tell of our discovery.' The blonde flashed her deer like eyes, knowing Larry was a sucker for that look. 'Fine, but then can we retreat back to the shade for a while? I think my sunburn has sunburn.' Sure enough, Larry pulled the camera from their bag of belongings and snapped a selfie of the pair – Piper showing a great look of content as she held the rock between her hands. They shared a quick kiss as they waited for the photo to develop, only for them to be reduced to fits of laughter at the face Larry was pulling. _Shortly after the photo, a note followed, with two hand-made plane tickets. She worried the letter between her hands, debating whether it was worth opening. Curiosity sooner overcame her apprehension; _Piper, happy wedding baby! I've booked us two tickets to Trinidad and Tobago for our honeymoon – I just thought we go somewhere different! I still count my lucky stars every day that you chose me, I will love you forever and a day. Larry. X _

She felt a single tear trickle down her face – the reason for its falling was as of yet unbeknownst. Her head was scattered with emotions, she couldn't decipher whether she was crying because she slightly missed Larry, as much as she hated to admit that, or whether because this was just a reminder of everything she left behind.

Opting to sit in the silent, dimly lit room for a while, Piper remained still – desperately trying to figure out the reason for her aching sadness.

* * *

Alex soon grew curious as to why the blondes' absence was so elongated. She wandered in the direction of the bathroom, however upon seeing it unoccupied she decided their bedroom was her next best bet. It was almost as though she was experiencing déjà vu seeing Piper sat on the ground crying, her mind casting back to finding her in a slightly more frenzied state in her old apartment.

She benignly made her way to comfort the blonde, graciously removing the papers clutched within her grasp. Scanning over the words scrawled on the largest piece of paper, the brunette welcomed Piper into a strong embrace, running a gentle finger down the lengths of Piper's cheek in order to wipe away her tears. 'Come on Pipes, fuck him. You don't need him anymore,' Piper chuckled at Alex's ever stubborn view on Larry. 'Honestly, I don't even know why I'm crying. I guess it was just a kick in the teeth, y'know? Like a reminder of everything I've let behind.' _The difference being, Alex didn't know. She had been made sure to try and keep everything in her life consistent – only leaving something behind on her say, not by force. She hadn't left Piper behind in Paris, rather vice versa. She had left the cartel by a stroke of luck, and that in itself was a welcoming relief. Heroin, perhaps; but she was destined for greater things than that life ruining substance, and deep down she knew that. She couldn't dare breathe a word of this to Piper, however. _'I know Pipes, but look at it this way; you've still got your friends, you've still got your job, as much as she probably detests you right now, you've still got your mom. All that's happened really is you've lost a mundane life and instantly gained a more gratifying one – plus you've gained _me_, surely that should be enough, right?' _That familiar feeling of vulnerability was slowly painting the edges bleak again – Alex hated how dependant she once again was on Piper. _'You're everything I could ever want and more Al, you know that,'_ that confession was enough to make the weight in her chest ease as quickly as it had built, _'I just hate myself for messing it all up I guess. I mean, come _on_, I threw away my honeymoon!' It was then did the brunette experience a sheer light bulb moment. 'Well it's sorted then, pack your bags kid – I'm taking you on your honeymoon!'

**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed this chapter – please leave a review or any general comments/ideas as they really do mean the world. X**


	15. Equilibrium

**A/N: Apologies for how late this update is – life has just been absolutely hectic and I've suffered a massive lapse in confidence which has just left me completely reluctant to write. Thank you to a few beverages of the alcoholic kind I've managed to produce this garbage. Enjoy. X**

**15.**

Piper's eyes widened as though she'd just been informed she'd won the lottery. 'You are?! No, you don't have to do this.' Her expression serious, as though she didn't wish for the brunette to go to such lengths to make her happy. _There would always be that ticking reminder that she didn't deserve any of her girlfriends gestures of happiness – according to Piper that is, anyway. _

'Piper _please,_' her expression was nothing short of exasperated, tired of the blondes refusal to allow her to do anything nice. 'We've got eight years of catching up to do, so yes whilst I adore the simplicity of lolling around in bed all day, there's a whole world out there awaiting our adventures. C'mon we can go anywhere you want, no holds barred.'

The younger woman's lips tugged upwards into an involuntary smile, the glint in Alex's eye whenever anything to do with the possibility of a new escapade was mentioned was something she didn't realise how much she'd missed until she witnessed it again. 'Okay, you win. I'll leave the choice of destination up to you – one condition though.'

'Anything kiddo.'

'Not Paris. Anywhere but Paris.' Her tone stern, making her point pristine.

'Not Paris, you've got it. Now go pack – I'll try and get us flights for tonight.' The blonde turned on her heels towards Alex's wardrobe, figuring it'd be easier to pack her case first. Alex meanwhile sauntered into the living room in order to retrieve her laptop and plan the holiday ahead of the pair.

* * *

'Alex, have you seen my passport?' The blonde was hopelessly scurrying around the great space of Alex's home in a desperate, rather last minute search for her passport.

'No Pipes, did you definitely pick it up when you grabbed your things from your old apartment?' Alex was used to this now – the irrational, unnecessary stresses her girlfriend managed to create from the most simplistic situations.

'Fuck, I don't know!' The house looked as though a bomb had gone off in it. The bedroom was covered in both the women's clothes as Piper had torn the place apart as though she was the Tasmanian Devil, desperate for this get away.

Becoming slightly irritated by the mess she was now creating, Alex finally pulled herself up from her more than comfortable position on the sofa complete with a glass of wine and a book to help the blonde search for the runaway passport. Having climbed the stairs and calmly made her way to the shared bedroom, the older woman met an extremely stressed Piper ferociously pulling out the belongings of every drawer and cupboard available. 'Pipes just stop for one second,' the request was said with a slight undertone of annoyance, in order for Alex to get across how ridiculous the situation was. 'We'll find the damn passport and we'll get out of here, okay?' Gently pressing her lips to the blondes pulse point, she could almost feel her melt within her grasp there and then. 'Where did you last have it?' The blonde pointed to a small bag within her duffle bag which appeared to have her license alongside other important documents in it. Pottering over to the bag, Alex slowly knelt down and began sifting through the contents of the duffle bag. It wasn't long before a smug grin was plastered over her delicate features as she pulled the passport out from a tangled heap of underwear and pyjamas. 'This what you're looking for?' The blonde's expression changed to one of annoyance, raging at how the universe always seemed to work in a way that Alex could make a fool of her. 'Thank you, you smug little ass,' the blonde muttered as she took the damned passport from her girlfriends grasp.

'No problem you little baby. Come on, we've gotta get on the road if we wanna make check in.' Alex shouted as she ventured downstairs to continue packing her favourite works of literature into her hand luggage.

Ten stressful scream filled minutes later and the pair were finally in Alex's car en route to the airport. 'So, where are we going?' Piper enquired as she traced mindless patterns on the back of Alex's hand that was occupying the gear shift. 'That my lady is a surprise.' Not wishing to ruin the anticipating atmosphere that was slowly building the closer the pair got to the airport; Piper pulled a mixtape from the glove box that was made whilst the pair embarked on a month long trip to Bulgaria.

* * *

Wanting to keep the surprise until the very last minute, Alex did everything she could to dominate the checking in situation. Keeping hold of the boarding passes as well as only allowing Piper to be near the check in desk to show her passport, she was adamant the blonde would remain in the dark right up to the last possible second. 'Come on, just _one _clue?' Piper whinged. She wasn't taking to the surprise element very well. Allowing a small breath to surpass her lips, Alex allowed a look of deliberation to spread across her face; her eyebrows furrowed as her lips pursed as though she was deep in thought. 'Fine one clue.' Piper immediately shot up, eyes beaming at the prospect of knowing where her love was taking her. 'It involves going on a plane to get there.' As quickly as she'd arisen, the blonde went straight back to slumping on her seat in defeat. 'You're such an ass' she spat as her face contorted into a look of sheer frustration. 'Tell me something I don't know babe,' Alex simultaneously replied before taking a sip from the bottle of over-priced beer she'd purchased at the bar in the departures lounge.

With a mix of both ever growing nerves accompanied by eight years' worth of anticipation, Alex couldn't help but steal a glance of her leather clad wrist watch every so often. Whilst this trip had been very much spontaneous, she'd still somehow managed to plan a plethora of activities for the pair. Although in control, Alex couldn't help but notice the twinges of anxiety growing in her chest every so often. She'd spent years dropping everything for long haul journeys in order to ensure the cartel landed tremendous deals, yet she still couldn't fight the irrational tick lurking in the black of her mind contemplating the things that may go wrong whilst flying.

'_Please can all passengers boarding the QA539 flight to Java make their way to gate thirteen? Again, that is all passengers boarding the QA539 flight to Java to gate thirteen please. Thank you.' _'

'Indonesia?! Oh my _god_ Alex, you're the best!' the ecstatic blonde exclaimed as she quickly grabbed hold of both her lovers arm and her hand luggage having downed the remaining margarita that filled her glass. Chugging the remnants of the bitter liquid in the brown bottle, Alex braced herself for what would be nearly two days worth of travelling.

Having followed the small but eager crowd, the pair was soon greeted by an overly obnoxious security guard t to check their boarding passes. 'Y'all for the Java flight? _Damn_ you white chicks got some taste!' the pair were unsure whether to supress their laughter at her demeanour or whether to laugh in fear of her demanding an extra thorough body search. 'Aw _sheeeet_ am just messin' wiv y'all! Names Cindy and am just here to keep all you white people, as well as all my black people and every other fucker in between safe from the likes of the bad people!' she explained as their boarding passes were handed back to them. 'Have a safe trip you two, wouldn't want your pretty faces gettin' blown to smithereens now would we?!' Deciding the safest option would be to pass through the gate as quickly as possible, Piper grabbed Alex's wrist firmly and dragged her to the runway – face bright red from a mix of fear and humour.

'Fuck _me_ why do we always get the weirdos?' Piper enquired to no one in particular, seeing other passengers pass through the gates looking as bewildered as she had. 'I wish I knew Pipes. Come on, I wanna get on the plane already!' The pair fetched their hand luggage from below the less than comfortable seats they'd found whilst waiting around. Soon enough, they were met with a breezy, younger looking flight attendant. She was far from being the poster girl for any airlines – her hair in blonde, straw like cornrows whilst she had a badly hidden neck tattoo accompanied with heavy bags that had also been poorly hidden. 'Good afternoon,' she greeted the waiting crowds, 'I'm Tricia and I'll be your purser for this flight. Please have your boarding passes ready so we can have everyone seated as quickly as possible.'

* * *

Both women had grown accustomed to zoning out the drone that was the automated safety guidelines highlighting what passengers should do should the aircraft suddenly dive head first into the ocean, or if they suddenly burst into flames. They'd been on enough long-haul flights to reassure the irrational tick that resided at the back of their minds they weren't about to die. Instead, the pair made themselves settled in the first class accommodation – Alex choosing to divulge in a glass of wine already on the premise of 'It's Wine o'clock somewhere in the world' whilst delving into her novel of choice 'Mrs. Dalloway'. Piper on the other hand chose a refreshing Gin and Tonic whilst opting to admire the formations of clouds that parted ways as they flew through them.

A comfortable silence quickly fell over them – Piper sat closest to the window, becoming lost amongst the thoughts that glided peacefully through her thought train whilst Alex was strewn across two chairs. Her long, toned legs lay limp over Piper's as she quickly became vastly involved in the book she was cradling. Neither felt the need to speak for a long while, both stealing occasional glances and basking in the beauty of the other at their simplest moments.

'You know if you stare too long, you might actually burn a hole in my cheek' Alex mused as she caught Piper not so subtly glaring at her. 'Shut up, I'm just thinking.' The brunette raised her legs from Piper's lap and stretched, she hadn't realised how long she'd been sat in the same position until she tried to move. 'What're you thinking about?'

Piper took a sharp breathe as she felt Alex's lips meet the pressure point that in her neck, the familiar bundle of feelings gathering in the pit of her stomach. 'Alex, please. We are not having sex on a plane – you know what happened last time.' Her voice stubborn as though there was nothing left to say on the matter. 'Whatever you say, you try lasting another god knows how long away from me and my…abilities.' She smirked into the nape of Piper's neck, more determined than ever to get the blonde to succumb to her touch. 'Okay but seriously, what were you thinking about?'

'It's just weird how normal this feels, I feel like I'm twenty two and no time has passed.' The blonde pondered as the brunette tangled her fingers amongst her own. 'It's almost as though we never lost each other, the way we were able to just snap back into the normalities of airports and luggage checks and the rest of it. Although I must admit, the absence of the stress that comes alongside carrying a suitcase worth of drug money is a massive fucking bonus,' she joked. Alex felt a pang of guilt become apparent in her chest. _Since the day she asked the blonde to carry that suitcase full of money, she'd regretted it. Initially, Piper had begun as a mule – she was just another naïve college grad desperate for adventure. Something changed though; Piper started mattering. Alex had vowed never to mix Piper and work together until that day. She was desperate – her mules were slacking or killed due to dipping into product and she couldn't lose this deal. Whilst she knew the blonde was joking, Alex knew her well enough to know there was a sense of seriousness in that statement. She had to admit though, as much as her confident façade never once faltered whilst doing her own dirty work, knowing there was no stress with regards to baggage claims or being caught awaiting them on the other side was a welcomed relief. _

A distant look washed over the older woman's features for a few moments as Piper's words sank in. Her body tensed under any mention of the cartel, force of habit you could say. 'Yeah, you're right Pipes. I hope you know how fucking sorry I am that I ever got you dragged into that shit. I can swear to you that I tried my best to keep you out of it, I was just so fucking desperate and if that deal went to shit we'd have both been in even more danger. Thank you for not leaving me there and then, and thank you for finding me again. Fuck, just thank you. You are honestly the best thing to ever happen to me. I love you.'

Piper looked at the woman before her with adoration. It wasn't often Alex allowed this softer, more vulnerable side to shine through, especially not in public. She knew how much the cartel still affected her, whether she let onto it or not. They'd been sharing a bed again for not even a week yet Piper was still startled awake with Alex's muffled cries about being in danger because of a deal gone wrong. She knew she'd seen things that would scar anyone for life, the difference being Alex wasn't just anyone; she was strong and she was resilient – she'd rather die than admit weakness or defeat. To allow this apology to flow freely from her beautiful, plump lips was something short of a miracle.

* * *

The rest of the journey went smoothly; the lay over somewhere in the world went as stress-free as it could be, it wasn't long before they were quickly settling into the fresh first class accommodation provided. Eventually, an incomprehensible amount of time later, they touched down in Java. Walking hand in hand off the plane, the musky smothering heat hit them in the face like a warm welcome. 'Welcome to Java baby!' Alex cried out as she took the blondes face in the depths of her strong hands before placing a gentle, fulfilling kiss on her lips. 'You really are the best,' Piper replied as she led the pair to the inside of the airport.

Whilst waiting to get through customs, the pair reminisced on memories they'd collected along their travels many years ago. 'Hey Pipes, you know what memory still fucking tickles me?'

'No, but I'm sure I'm about to be enlightened.'

'The time you skipped customs in Belgium, like only you – this fucking yuppie college grad who never dared break the fucking rules could skip customs!' Piper's facial expression did a complete three-sixty in five seconds flat. 'Alex! Keep your voice down, people could hear!' The older woman nearly collapsed in the queue amidst the fits of laughter that were now racking her body. 'Fucking chill princess, no one even speaks English around here! And those who do – like they fucking care!' Piper delivered a soft but meaningful jab to Alex's arm as a warning to behave. They'd landed not even fifteen minutes ago and she was already attempting to spark a reaction from the blonde.

Neither were used to the unusually stress free experience that was customs – both opting to actually go through it this time. It appeared Alex's begs and pleas for Piper to throw a 'Belgium 2.0' did not suffice. They both let out a hearty laugh as they made their way to baggage claims. 'Al, I honestly can't remember the last time customs were so stress free for us! Did you _see_ everyone's faces whilst they were waited? Like 'yeah I'm so fuckin' pissed off because I've gotta fucking wait in a queue' but come _on_ try the whole 'I've gotta wait in a fucking queue and hope a shit tonne of police officers don't fucking appear because I'm currently undergoing illegal activity.' _God_, those holiday makers wouldn't know stress if it hit them in the fucking face!' Alex continued to laugh at Piper's nonsensical ramblings and outcries as they waited for their suitcases to appear. It was quite cathartic to hear Piper's sarcastically tense tone surrounded by nothing but warm weather and opportunities. _Being away from the states appeared to be the release the pair needed; the annoyingly apparent state of disequilibrium seemed to evaporate the moment the pair stepped foot into the foreign country. Everything felt restored and right again._

* * *

Not even five minutes after stepping foot outside the airport were the duo soon met with the apparent hardship that was hailing a cab. Few taxi drivers knew more than scarce bits of broken English, most didn't extend to the profanities that were escaping Alex's mouth.

Later than they'd liked, they were finally on their way to the hotel. 'Where are we staying by the way Al? Nothing too expensive I hope, I mean I don't want you out of pocket because I threw my toys out the pram,' Alex scored a mock hurt expression at Piper's sudden outburst. 'We're going to the best place I could find us under my not so tight budget. Less of the defeatist attitude Chapman, I'm not out of pocket and you didn't throw your toys out of the pram. I wanted to do this for us. We deserve it, don't you think?' The blonde flashed a weak smile before disappearing back into the crevices of her own mind.

Night was beginning to fall; neither realising just how long they'd been travelling for. Jet lag threatening to catch up with them, Piper cozied in to Alex's side, resting her head on the older woman's broad shoulder. She placed a kiss on her collar bone before muttering a sweet 'I love you,' as sleep gently took her away.

* * *

'Pipes wake up. C'mon babe we're here.' Alex gently nudged the blonde awake, desperate to escape the confines of the now extremely clammy taxi. The remainder of the journey, though reasonably short, had been tranquil. The taxi driver stole an occasional glance at the sight of Alex running her dextrous fingers through the mounds of blonde hair that lay strewn across her side, placing a kiss on Piper's forehead every now and then. She didn't mind though – she'd missed the attention her and Piper attracted. _Back when they were travelling for the cartel's sake, they attracted mounds of attention wherever they went. They knew they were a young, attractive, charismatic couple and they used it to their advantage at every possible opportunity. They'd seen their money get shooed away even though they'd eaten a banquet fit for four and consumed the finest of wines purely because of their charm._

Giving the taxi driver a generous tip, he unloaded their luggage to the side of the street whilst Alex pulled the barely conscious Piper from her seat. Though her version was blurred heavily with sleep, Piper could see the name of the hotel illuminated in yellow, glowing lights. '**The Phoenix Hotel'**; the name hung boldly and proudly – acting as a warm welcome to the guests. 'Fuck Alex, this is just something else. Thank you.' Allowing a gentle smile to shape her lips, she snaked an arm around Piper's waist and led them both into the hotel.

* * *

The interior was grand – it simply screamed Alex Vause. Greeted by a pretty, foreign receptionist Piper left Alex to sort the paperwork out as she marvelled in the vast details of the structures that she would be calling home for the foreseeable future. Leather couches lined various walls whilst vast patterned rugs painted the majority of the carpeted floor. From the window, Piper stole a glimpse of the pool area – the crystal clear water visible as it reflected off the small lights hanging innocently above it. 'You ready babe?' the familiar, husky voice soon broke Piper from her marvelling trance. They walked hand in hand towards the elevator, once inside Alex hit the button for the top floor.

Pushing the key card into the hole, Piper was made to close her eyes as Alex stole the first glimpses of their new living space. 'Holy shit, this is good. Okay Pipes, open your eyes!' The beauty of the room matched those of Piper's ocean like irises – Alex stood and adored the ever changing expressions on Piper's face as she took in her surroundings. 'Shit, this is above and beyond what I was expecting. Thank you Al.'

A king size bed stole the middle of the floor whilst windows took up an entire wall space. The view from the top floor apartment looked proudly out onto the streets of Java. Piper went over to absorb the magnificent sights that lay on the other side of the window panes. Towels sat on the foot of the bed, two constructed to make the shape of two swans kissing as they sat in a make shift pond that was made of real rose petals. Alex worried one of the petals between her thumb and her forefinger as she herself took in the grandeur sites she spontaneously booked for the pair. Complete with a flat screen television that hung above an oak desk alongside a shelf of books (at Alex's request) the pair knew they would never spend a single moment here bored.

* * *

The previous night had been rather mundane compared to those they were familiar with upon arriving in new land. Piper had fallen asleep amongst the extra pillows and rose petals almost immediately whilst Alex had casually sat sipping beer and losing herself in yet another new book. They awoke early the next morning, eager to waste no time.

'Where are we going Al?' Piper quizzed as she pulled a bikini from her case under Alex's orders. 'It's a surprise you bore bag, live a little!' Alex exclaimed in reply from the bathroom. Piper huffed slightly whilst she pulled on her floral printed bikini set before slipping a simplistic white summer dress that finished comfortably mid-thigh.

Alex appeared graciously from the bathroom whilst Piper was applying her make-up, choosing a black bikini set that very much complimented her assets, she couldn't help but feel a slight bit smug as she saw Piper's jaw drop slightly when she exited. 'Keep it in your pants for now you sex pest,' Alex breathed as she pushed a lust filled Piper off her lap. 'If we start now, we'll never stop. I have actually got plans for us today!' Piper pouted in protest but soon got back to fixing the lipstick their brief but satisfying make-out session had smudged.

After fetching breakfast, the pair walked onto the white sanded beach over to the small harbour where a small boat was waiting for them. A small Asian woman who went by the name of Chang greeted the pair as they stepped into the boat. She seemed quite the peculiar character, speaking broken English and not really emitting a solid verdict of approval when the pair made obvious public displays of affection. 'Welcome to Java. Today I take you to Krakatoa. Very beautiful, much to see.' The journey was brief, leading them to the vast volcano dominated island. Gathering their few belongings, Alex was sure to help Piper steadily off the boat before finding Chang. 'Follow me, we heading towards waterfall.' Linking hands, the pair followed – both had obnoxiously big smiles painted on their faces.

They arrived at a slightly hidden cave where they were met by the bellowing sound of a raging waterfall. People below were in the naturally formed pool next to it – splashing and swimming and seemingly not caring about anything in the world. 'Have you seen people jump from here before?' Piper questioned, pointing to the top of the waterfall. 'Oh yes miss.' A look of confidence suddenly spread across Piper's face. 'Have you ever jumped?' Alex side eyed the blonde, knowing what she was up to. 'Oh, no miss.' Chang replied bluntly. Alex turned to Piper – danger dancing in her eyes. 'Oh c'mon! A dare is a dare, you've gotta do it Piper! You've gotta jump,' she laughed slightly as the blondes bold façade faltered momentarily whilst she weighed up the safety and rationality of jumping from a seemingly violent waterfall. 'Are you gonna do it?'

'Of course!' _Something about the look on Alex's face made Piper doubt that. _

Releasing a breath she didn't know she was holding, Piper began to make her way up to the top of the waterfall where a steady, fast flow was cascading down. 'Hold my hand,' _there it was, that dependency. '_No, I need to hold my nose.'

'Okay, fine. Ready?'

'Ready. On three – one, two, THREE!' Alex felt the blonde's presence quickly vanished. She opened her eyes to see the blonde had in fact gone through with the dare and jumped off. Seeing the sheer velocity of the water Piper had jumped into made Alex panic. She searched desperately for Piper to arise, alas failed see the golden locks and sun kissed skin arise from the gigantic flow of water that destructively consumed her.

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**A/N: Please leave a review if you enjoyed this chapter – they really do mean the world! X**


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